{"id":2860,"date":"2012-04-30T12:01:16","date_gmt":"2012-04-30T16:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2860"},"modified":"2012-04-21T22:49:18","modified_gmt":"2012-04-22T02:49:18","slug":"getting-past-negative-experiences","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/getting-past-negative-experiences.html","title":{"rendered":"Getting Past Negative Experiences"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>We all have setbacks and disappointments and even traumatic experiences\u2014your promotion at work may be stalled or your job is eliminated, your relationship ends, someone close to you passes away, you have an accident, your child gets into trouble, etc. These kinds of situations can make you feel depressed, angry, sad, hopeless and other negative emotions. At times I\u2019ve felt like I was punched in the stomach and could barely breathe when something awful occurred in my life.<\/p>\n

I used to let the negatives take over my mood, which took over my life. \u201cWoe is me\u201d was often my mantra in my DoorMat days. And I hear that from clients and friends. It\u2019s common to go to a place of self-pity when you think that life has done you wrong, but it isn\u2019t a good thing to do. Then you let your emotions control your mood, decisions, and outlook, which doesn\u2019t feel good. When you take control of those emotions, you can create a more positive mindset, which allows more happiness into your world.<\/p>\n

As I began to feel more empowered and loved me more, I got tired of feeling down a lot. I recognized that letting the negatives rule me didn\u2019t do any good and kept me from moving on and getting better things. Most of those negatives are out of your control. Feeling bad won\u2019t change your situation! Why not use the energy to move on? If you\u00a0 just push your emotions over what happened out of your thoughts, they stick with you as an underlying barrier to happiness. Instead, be proactive and heal them! Here are some tips to do so:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Acknowledge your pain<\/strong>. Feel it and have a good cry if necessary. Those kinds of things hurt. It\u2019s okay, and healthy to experience negative emotions–for a reasonable amount of time.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Talk to people you trust<\/strong>. Share your feelings and receive some sympathy and words of encouragement. Choose those you share with carefully so you only get positive reinforcement. People who will stoke your pain should be off limits!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write down your feelings<\/strong>. Say everything you\u2019re going though on paper. Read it out loud. When you\u2019re ready, burn the paper so you can move on.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Accept that things happen for a reason<\/strong>. You may not know why but if you can accept that in a positive mindset, you can also believe that healing and better days are coming for you.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Also accept you\u2019re not being punished.<\/strong> Things happen that we don\u2019t like. You didn\u2019t do anything wrong to attract them. Don\u2019t look for reasons why it\u2019s happening to you or you will attract more negatives. The only one punishing you is you if you believe you deserve bad things.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Affirm that things will get better.<\/strong> Look forward, not back. \u201cLife continues to improve.\u201d “Positive experiences are coming!”<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Bless the situation<\/strong>. No matter how bad it feels, bless it with love. The more you do, the more healing comes.<\/p>\n

Stuff happens. It\u2019s YOUR choice to let it affect you negatively. Do you let it control you or do you take control? The latter choice feels better in the long run. Next time you hit a pothole and life doesn\u2019t feel good, feel the pain, grieve, and do the things above. That helps you heal much quicker and keeps happiness closer to your heart. Doing so is a great act of self-love!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all have setbacks and disappointments and even traumatic experiences\u2014your promotion at work may be stalled or your job is eliminated, your relationship ends, someone close to you passes away, you have an accident, your child gets into trouble, etc. These kinds of situations can make you feel depressed, angry, sad, hopeless and other negative…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2,15],"tags":[314,88],"class_list":["post-2860","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-negative-experiences","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Past Negative Experiences - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/04\/getting-past-negative-experiences.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Getting Past Negative Experiences - 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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