{"id":2855,"date":"2012-03-26T12:01:22","date_gmt":"2012-03-26T16:01:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2855"},"modified":"2012-03-01T12:26:23","modified_gmt":"2012-03-01T17:26:23","slug":"question-how-can-i-feel-empowered-when-i-see-the-ex-who-hurt-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-can-i-feel-empowered-when-i-see-the-ex-who-hurt-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: How Can I Feel Empowered When I See the Ex Who Hurt Me?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A reader who I\u2019ll call Lisa wrote that she has to go to an event for a friend who is friendly with her ex-boyfriend, so he\u2019ll be there too. This guy took advantage of Lisa when they were involved. She reverted to her people pleasing was to keep him happy. Then he dumped her suddenly. Lisa was devastated by it. She\u2019s been able to move on to a degree, not dwelling on that relationship, but she still has some feeling for him\u2014a mixture of longing and anger at how he treated her\u2014which can trigger a lot of negative emotions.<\/p>\n

Lisa wants to feel empowered when she sees him and let him know she\u2019s okay and over him, but she doesn\u2019t feel that yet. She\u2019s scared when she sees him she\u2019ll turn to mush and get emotional. Many of us, women and men, go through this at least once. Seeing someone you once loved and may still have feelings for, knowing it ended badly, can make you feel out of control when seeing your old love. It can also happen if you see a friend or anyone who was once meaningful but the connection ended badly, especially if you got hurt.<\/p>\n

You can come across as empowered and together and make the impression you\u2019d like if you consciously pay attention to all aspect of your behavior in the person\u2019s presence. It begins by keeping your emotions in check. Here\u2019s my advice for any of those kinds of situations:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Decide you want to feel in control of yourself.<\/strong> Make a conscious choice to seem empowered when you see the person, even if the thought makes you scared or angry inside.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Take some long deep breaths before facing the person.<\/strong> That slows you down so your stress can get calmer. It helps you relax and gives you time to get composed.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Force a smile, even if you want to cry<\/strong>. Smiling makes you feel better, even if it\u2019s faked. And it gives the impression that you\u2019re feeling good and confident. A smile can cover all the negative emotions you feel. It also sends a message that you consider the person trivial in your life.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Don\u2019t tell the person off in any way<\/strong>. It just makes them feel important and makes you look sad. People know what they did and most can figure out how it hurt you without you having to tell them.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Make good eye contact for whatever time you\u2019re facing the person<\/strong>. Eye contact projects confidence. It can also make the person feel uncomfortable without you saying a word.\u00a0 Let him or her break the eye contact first. Then enjoy walking away feeling empowered!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Say and do as little as possible.<\/strong> Don\u2019t make obligatory comments like, “Nice to see you.\u201d You don\u2019t have to converse with the person at all. If you\u2019re face to face, smile, make eye contact and that\u2019s it. Let him or her wonder what you\u2019re up to. If asked how you\u2019re doing, smile and say, \u201cGreat!\u201d<\/p>\n

Bumping into an ex-friend or romantic partner can be awkward. But when you make the effort to come across as confident and in control, even if it\u2019s faked, you\u2019ll feel in the driver\u2019s seat. That\u2019s empowering!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader who I\u2019ll call Lisa wrote that she has to go to an event for a friend who is friendly with her ex-boyfriend, so he\u2019ll be there too. This guy took advantage of Lisa when they were involved. She reverted to her people pleasing was to keep him happy. Then he dumped her suddenly.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,2,15],"tags":[311,310,27],"class_list":["post-2855","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-questions-answered","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-ex-boyfriend","tag-self-empwoerment","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: How Can I Feel Empowered When I See the Ex Who Hurt Me? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-can-i-feel-empowered-when-i-see-the-ex-who-hurt-me.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: How Can I Feel Empowered When I See the Ex Who Hurt Me? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader who I\u2019ll call Lisa wrote that she has to go to an event for a friend who is friendly with her ex-boyfriend, so he\u2019ll be there too. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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