{"id":2828,"date":"2012-03-12T12:01:06","date_gmt":"2012-03-12T16:01:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2828"},"modified":"2012-03-07T15:43:08","modified_gmt":"2012-03-07T20:43:08","slug":"question-how-do-i-protect-my-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-do-i-protect-my-time.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: How Do I Protect My Time"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A reader, who I\u2019ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son\u2019s 6-year old friend, who I\u2019ll call Beth, Beth doesn\u2019t understand and respect that working from home still means working. She expects Mary to be available to pick up her son from school if he gets sick or if her regular babysitter has a problem. Mary has tried explaining that she has work to do, just like Beth when she\u2019s at her office, but Beth continues to act like Mary can do what she pleases and regularly puts her on the spot to play babysitter.<\/p>\n

Mary asked \u201cHow can I stop Beth from coming to me to watch her son? How can I make her understand that my work time is just as important as hers, even if I\u2019m doing it from home?\u201d<\/p>\n

I related to this as I also work at home and get frustrated by people who think that I\u2019m available any time because I don\u2019t go to a workplace with a boss to answer to. Yet my boss–me–is tougher than most or I wouldn’t get work done! People may never understand but you must set boundaries anyway, even if they get mad. Beth has gotten in the habit of counting on Mary, because she can’t imagine Mary being too busy to have her son over. Mary always feels defensive when she tries to get out of it. But like any other habit, this one can be broken with patience and consistency.<\/p>\n

While I\u2019m not wild about lying, sometimes little white ones can help break someone\u2019s expectations of you. I suggest that Mary tell Beth she\u2019s in the middle of a project that needs to get done the next time she asks for a favor. Every time Beth hits her up for babysitting during the day, Mary needs to have a work related issue that won\u2019t allow her to do it. She can also tell Beth she\u2019s on standby for important calls for a while so she couldn\u2019t pick her son up early if he has a problem and she needs to find someone else who can.<\/p>\n

All of this should be said nicely, but without acting sorry. When you say \u201cI\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t\u2026\u201d the person will be more likely to keep trying to get you to do things. And you\u2019re not sorry so why say it?!<\/p>\n

After making a bunch of excuses, people often get the hint and break the habit of depending on you. I do think it\u2019s important to also have talk with the mom and explain that you\u2019re busy with work, even if you\u2019re doing it at home and it can be hard to interrupt that work, just as it would be for her to be interrupted. Say that whether she understands or not, this is your situation and you’d appreciate her respecting your need to do your work. I like to put the person on the spot by saying something like, \u201cYou work hard so I know you must understand how it is when you need to work and can\u2019t babysit someone\u2019s child.\u201d Smile. Thank her for understanding before she can reply. Be resolute if she argues.<\/p>\n

In a real emergency, you might want to do someone a favor. But the habit of being someone\u2019s go-to person must, and can, be broken by consistently turning them down with legitimate sounding excuses. After the first few, I\u2019m able to just say, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d when asked to do something that\u2019s inconvenient. It\u2019s your decision to let someone put you on the spot to do things you absolutely don\u2019t want to do. And, you have the power to stop someone from expecting you to be there for them just because you work at home. Use it!
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader, who I\u2019ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son\u2019s 6-year old friend, who I\u2019ll call Beth, Beth doesn\u2019t understand and respect that working from home still means working. She expects Mary to be available to pick up her son from school if he gets sick…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[330,88,331],"class_list":["post-2828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-protecting-your-time","tag-self-empowerment","tag-standing-up-to-people"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: How Do I Protect My Time - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-do-i-protect-my-time.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: How Do I Protect My Time - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader, who I\u2019ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son\u2019s 6-year old friend, who I\u2019ll call Beth, Beth doesn\u2019t understand and respect that working from home still means working. She expects Mary to be available to pick up her son from school if he gets sick…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-do-i-protect-my-time.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-03-12T16:01:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-03-07T20:43:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Question: How Do I Protect My Time - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/question-how-do-i-protect-my-time.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Question: How Do I Protect My Time - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"A reader, who I\u2019ll call Mary, wrote asking how to handle a situation with the mom of her son\u2019s 6-year old friend, who I\u2019ll call Beth, Beth doesn\u2019t understand and respect that working from home still means working. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2828"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2909,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2828\/revisions\/2909"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}