{"id":28,"date":"2010-02-26T16:25:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-26T16:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html"},"modified":"2010-02-26T16:25:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-26T16:25:00","slug":"backlash","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html","title":{"rendered":"Backlash"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges<\/a>. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no to or who I stopped allowing to walk all over me.<\/p>\n

Selfish and bitch\/bastard are commonly used to manipulate people into retuning to their more giving ways.<\/span><\/p>\n

Depending on their situations, people have varied perspectives about situations, and words. I\u2019ve been called a bitch for taking care of myself so many times that my first workshop was called, Be a Better Bitch\/Bastard<\/span>. A better bitch\/bastard gets called a bitch\/bastard by someone who is frustrated about not getting their way or you speak up for yourself or set any other boundaries for what you give or do for others (NOTE: I\u2019m wearing my Better Bitch and Proud of it t-shirt in the pic. I have a few left for $15, shipping included in the US).<\/p>\n

Name-calling is often used as a weapon to get you to give in or as an outlet for disagreement.<\/span><\/p>\n

I subscribe to the sticks & stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me\u2014unless I let them mentality. Words can sting or hurt you a lot if you accept them as your truth. I wasn\u2019t a bitch when I was accused of being one. Nor was I selfish for wanting my desires filled too instead of just always going along with where others wanted to eat, what they wanted to do, etc.<\/p>\n

As long as you KNOW you\u2019re NOT what a person accuses you of being in words, you’re not. Names only have validity if you agree.<\/span><\/p>\n

This blog is about my experiences and what worked for me and my clients. I KNOW that I\u2019m not sneaky and vindictive as Anon called me. Of course he or she is entitled to personal opinions. I respect that not everyone will like or agree with me. But it isn\u2019t my truth. Anon gave examples of why I am those words. I\u2019m pretty sure I know which ones they are. This is how I see it.<\/p>\n

* In my post called Miserably Skinny<\/a> I wrote that I told someone to shut up when she asked challenged my food choice. This person was always critical of my body and picked on me for ordering a burger and fries, I told her not to tell me how to eat. But when the food came, she began a lecture that in the past ruined my pleasure (and I rarely have a burger and fries and wanted to enjoy it fully!). So I told her to shut up. I\u2019d warned her several times to keep her criticism to herself. I didn\u2019t need advice from someone who was skinny but miserable. And despite what Anon thinks, I\u2019d do it again to someone who doesn\u2019t stop her verbal jabs after being told more than once that it\u2019s unacceptable and she had no right to speak to me like that.<\/p>\n

* The other example was from my post on Grudges<\/a>. Anon said I got a kick out of something bad happening to the worker in my building who began loudly stripping floors in the apartment bedroom right above me before 8AM on a Saturday, which by the way is illegal in NY. I could have reported him to the building manager or filed a complaint with the city, which would have created trouble for him with his job. Instead I released any recourse to the Universe and let God take care of it. Right after that, our building manager denied him the time off he wanted during the holidays.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d much rather let God sort it out instead of me looking to hurt someone.<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t get a kick out of something bad happening to him or wish him evil. But I did get a kick out of the Law of Attraction returning it to him. And I did say I got a kick out of him thinking that I was giving him a holiday gift when it was an envelope with a note explaining (nicely!) how I was leaving it to God to deal with it. He\u2019d done other inconsiderate things but this was intolerable. I didn\u2019t detail it in my post but he knew I was getting physically ill from all the construction noise that began before 7 AM every weekday morning. Some of you may remember that I live facing the building that had the awful crane accident<\/a> 2 years ago.<\/p>\n

This guy and I discussed how unnerving it was. He had a problem just working with constant drilling and banging and knew how much I valued being able to catch up on sleep on weekends. My doorman said he warned the guy not to work so early but he had plans for the day and only cared about finishing early. So I thought he got an appropriate result of his actions!<\/p>\n

Leaving grudges in God\u2019s hands is the best recourse against someone who does you wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

Anon said the energy radiating from my words is ugly. Oh well. Anon has chosen to unsubscribe and that\u2019s his\/her choice. I wish him\/her a blessed life. I have no idea of what caused his\/her perspective and it doesn\u2019t matter. I know who I am, which really is what matters. Be careful about letting word jabs hurt you or your joy. Always remember that names can never hurt you unless you let them. I no longer let them. I know if I do wrong or put out bad energy, it will surely come back to me. Meanwhile, my life continues to grow with delight!<\/p>\n

When you own your right to not adopt what someone else thinks of you as true, you can guide your life down a path of YOUR choice!<\/span><\/p>\n

Do your best to do the right thing and also understand that you and people around you may see things differently and that\u2019s okay. Don\u2019t let others rattle your path. Everyone has issues that push their buttons when they see or hear or read certain things. I still do. It\u2019s important to remember that their issues aren\u2019t yours. So I\u2019ll continue to write my blog as I choose and people can read or not read it as they choose. Getting upset about someone else\u2019s name calling ain\u2019t worth the bad energy attached to it. Bless them with a good spirit and move on!<\/span><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

\"AddThis<\/a> var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nBacklash - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Backlash - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-02-26T16:25:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/S4g8qWRZjzI\/AAAAAAAABIA\/409cCIgYQXw\/s200\/Photo+27.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Backlash - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Backlash - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Recently an anonymous subscriber wrote a scathing comment on my post about Grudges. Anon is unsubscribing, viewing me as being sneaky and vindictive. People who change their people pleasing ways often get chided or mislabeled by others. As I grew into an empowered woman, many names were hurled at me by people I said no…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2010-02-26T16:25:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/S4g8qWRZjzI\/AAAAAAAABIA\/409cCIgYQXw\/s200\/Photo+27.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html","name":"Backlash - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/S4g8qWRZjzI\/AAAAAAAABIA\/409cCIgYQXw\/s200\/Photo+27.jpg","datePublished":"2010-02-26T16:25:00+00:00","dateModified":"2010-02-26T16:25:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/S4g8qWRZjzI\/AAAAAAAABIA\/409cCIgYQXw\/s200\/Photo+27.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/S4g8qWRZjzI\/AAAAAAAABIA\/409cCIgYQXw\/s200\/Photo+27.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/backlash.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Backlash"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}