{"id":2799,"date":"2012-03-05T12:01:11","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T17:01:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2799"},"modified":"2012-03-06T13:06:58","modified_gmt":"2012-03-06T18:06:58","slug":"friends-you-should-cut-loose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/friends-you-should-cut-loose.html","title":{"rendered":"Friends You Should Cut Loose"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In my last post, Assessing Your Friends<\/strong><\/a>, I discussed the importance of re-evaluating your friends and letting go of negative ones. If someone regularly does things that greatly bother you, snip them loose, or limit contact. That doesn\u2019t mean you should get down on a friend who does one thing to annoy you. Understand the difference between behavior that\u2019s seriously wrong or just rubs you the wrong way. Nobody is perfect!<\/p>\n

Determine what\u2019s an annoying quirk and what\u2019s unacceptable. How does their behavior affect you? Don\u2019t feel obligated to remain friends with those who aren\u2019t good for you. There are good reasons to drop someone or set boundaries. Here are some common complaints and reasons to let of of these types:<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0She needs to feel needed<\/strong>: Some friends prefer you unhappy. She may be threatened or jealous and try to sabotage your growth by encouraging you to do things that are negative. If you have a boyfriend and she doesn\u2019t, her advice may be more geared to you breaking off the relationship. And if you don\u2019t need her, she may get critical in annoying ways. Snip!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You\u2019ve outgrown him<\/strong>: If your friendship revolves around old habits, like getting drunk, it\u2019s time to decide if he\u2019s worth keeping in your life. When you have only bad habits in common, the person isn\u2019t good for you! Try suggesting new activities that don\u2019t involve a bar or something else you’ve outgrown in large doses. If he refuses, leave him in the past with old habits. Buh bye!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0She drains You<\/strong>: Does a friend moan and groan as a lifestyle? A friend who has issues that don\u2019t go away will complain about the same thing over and over, and never take the advice you try to give. It can be exhausting and depressing to spend time with her. If she can\u2019t be positive and never tries to change how she handles what she complains about, pull the plug and let her take someone else down the drain.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0She\u2019s overly demanding:<\/strong> A friend who constantly whines, \u201cYou don\u2019t make enough time for me\u201d is a burden. Needy friends put too much pressure on you for their well-being, which isn\u2019t fair, or healthy for you. This kind of friendship is often one-sided if she\u2019s always wanting your time as you dodge her. You avoid her for a reason. Make it permanent!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You\u2019re his repairman<\/strong>: He asks advice for everything and leans on you like a therapist, wanting your take on everything. How should he act? What should he wear? But you don\u2019t get that kind of support back. You\u2019re an unpaid advisor and it takes up a bit of your time. It\u2019s a one-way friendship and you\u2019re going the wrong way. Snip!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0She\u2019s insincere:<\/strong> Some people talk big, with no intention of follow-through. They offer help but don’t give it. They compliment like crazy one day, acting like you\u2019re terrific, then act cool to you on another day. Maybe they need to be liked at that moment and say what they think you want to hear. Or they mean it when they say it but are far too self-absorbed to make good on their words. But it\u2019s not right and shouldn’t be tolerated!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0She\u2019s critical or unsupportive<\/strong>: Do I need to elaborate on this? Friends should make you feel good, not bad and should support you when they can. Why keep someone in your life who doesn\u2019t give you friendship? Snip!<\/p>\n

Friends should be friends, not people who add stress or anger or unhappiness to your life. Be careful about who you let into your life. Love yourself enough to make sure your friends all add value to your life.
\n*********************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In my last post, Assessing Your Friends, I discussed the importance of re-evaluating your friends and letting go of negative ones. If someone regularly does things that greatly bother you, snip them loose, or limit contact. That doesn\u2019t mean you should get down on a friend who does one thing to annoy you. Understand the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,15],"tags":[45,302,113],"class_list":["post-2799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-friendship","tag-letting-og-of-friends","tag-toxic-friends"],"yoast_head":"\nFriends You Should Cut Loose - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/03\/friends-you-should-cut-loose.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Friends You Should Cut Loose - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In my last post, Assessing Your Friends, I discussed the importance of re-evaluating your friends and letting go of negative ones. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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