{"id":274,"date":"2008-01-11T14:24:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-11T14:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html"},"modified":"2008-01-11T14:24:00","modified_gmt":"2008-01-11T14:24:00","slug":"lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
Watching How to Look Good Naked<\/a><\/span> got my brain humming more than usual. It\u2019s so easy to tell someone to lighten up on their body issues. But it\u2019s an uphill battle against all of the factors that reinforce feeling like your body isn\u2019t good enough.<\/span> <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had clients moan about how fat they are in their size 2, 4 or 6 bodies, while I sit there saying, \u201cexcuse me but if you call yourself fat, then I must be a huge blimp in your eyes.\u201d They always seem horrified that I\u2019d think they see me that way, since they do see me as the beautiful, sexy woman I am! Yet they\u2019re so hard on their view of themselves. I believe them. <\/p>\n

Many of us see ourselves in a distorted mirror that magnifies every bit of excess skin, pound, or cellulite dimple.<\/span> When I was a DoorMat I had a big distorted mirror that highlighted every bit of cellulite and other imperfections. And it minimized the wonderful things about me. Fat! Fat! Fat! That\u2019s what those mirror radiate. So I know that since these clients don\u2019t see me in that distorted perception mirror, I look fine to them. <\/p>\n

Few ever get the irony of ranting to me about being fat since I\u2019m much larger.<\/span> <\/p>\n

Each comparison to someone thinner \u2014 each person who comments negatively on our weight \u2014 each time we look in the mirror and notice a roll of cellulite in the waistline or skin hanging on the upper arms \u2014 each negative view of your body makes self-esteem goes down another notch.<\/span> <\/p>\n

People feel too fat, too skinny, too pale, too dark, too frizzy-haired, too straight-haired, too bald, too flat-chested, too voluptuous, too bottom heavy, too top heavy, too\u2014too\u2014too! VERY few people are satisfied with how they look. The quest for perfection is strong, yet impossible.<\/span> We focus on what we don\u2019t like instead of good qualities. You all have them!<\/p>\n

Nobody begins life with good self-esteem. It develops, or not, as you grow and create your self-perception. Unfortunately, many outside factors can dampen even the brightest intentions of loving yourself as you are.<\/span> It happens to guys too, more often for reasons related to income or achievement. I see lots of very portly men (and I\u2019m being kind!) with beautiful women. A fat wallet can compensate for a fat belly!<\/span> Men tend to be more body oriented about a romantic partner. Women tend to look for someone who can provide security. No all. But these stereotypes are common according to the many men and women I\u2019ve interviewed. <\/p>\n

I meet few people of either sex who have a truly good self-image, and a minimal amount of insecurity about something. Why do we judge ourselves so harshly?? There are some common reasons:<\/span><\/p>\n

* Fat is used generically<\/span>: We call ourselves fat for the slightest imperfection. You\u2019re bloated for a few days and feel fat. You ate a big meal and consider yourself fat. It seems like anything that doesn\u2019t feel right with your body can elicit feelings of fat. That word has way too much power! And way too little true interpretation of the word. Most of us self- proclaimed fatties aren\u2019t fat. We\u2019re just no perfectly thin. But every time you refer to yourself as fat, the word stabs you. You may not be conscious of it if you\u2019re used to the pangs of shame or self-hatred. <\/p>\n

* The media<\/span>: You all know the drill. We see the airbrushed, buff celebs\u2014men and women\u2014in magazines, on TV and in films and strive to be like them. Many men like that standard in women and push their partner to look like the images they see. Women want the men they see in the media. It\u2019s so unreal yet it drives us. Crazy!<\/p>\n

* Painter Peter Paul Rubens would be considered a chubby chaser if he lived today<\/span>: The voluptuous women he painted in the fifteen-sixteenth centuries\u2014considered the standard back then\u2014are fat by today\u2019s standards. Yet that\u2019s how a vast majority of women actually look. If I lived back in the sixteenth century, many more men would lust after me. ?<\/p>\n

* Words that used to mean a sexy woman now mean fat<\/span>: I\u2019ve heard men say that if they read a personal ad and see the words curvy or voluptuous, they assume that the woman is fat. Hello! These are NICE words! Lack of appreciation for a womanly body is sending many chicks to surgery, and eating disorders. I AM curvy and voluptuous, and proud of it! ?<\/p>\n

* Comparisons<\/span>: There will always be someone with a better body. Yet some of us torment ourselves by thinking we won\u2019t be happy until we\u2019re more like him or her. So we go after their bodies and feel inadequate for never quite getting it \u201cright.\u201d Yet no one can be a clone of another. That person you envy for his abs or her legs might envy you for your gorgeous head of hair\u2014which you ignore in your quest for what you don\u2019t have!<\/p>\n

* Unhealthy dieting<\/span>: In the struggle to lose weight, many people go on fad diets that don\u2019t bring long-term results. That just reinforces feeling like a loser, a fat one. <\/p>\n

* Cultural standards making the average sized woman feel like she\u2019s unacceptable<\/span>: Size 12+ women have the majority but allow we allow ourselves to be treated like a substandard minority. Plus size women are often normal size. But being called plus-size can create shame. <\/p>\n

* MANY men and women have dated at least one person who criticized some facet of their body<\/span>: I know few women who haven\u2019t been told by at least one guy that they need to lose weight, firm up, get more buff, etc. Many men say they\u2019ve been put down by a girlfriend for not being buff enough, having a pot belly, being too short, etc. That criticism can stick to your memory like crazy glue and nurture an insecure body image.<\/p>\n

* Criticism by friends and family<\/span>: They say women can be their own worst enemy. Girlfriends criticize each other and may be the first to notice a small weight gain. Men tease other men to make themselves feel better. I\u2019m amazed at how often someone comments on my weight, good or bad. It can feel like you\u2019re under a microscope.<\/p>\n

* Less fashion respect for sizes 12 and up<\/span>: I HATE when I go to a store, see great clothing and then feel down because they don\u2019t have my size. It feels like many stores want to punish those of us who aren\u2019t small by making us wear more dowdy clothing. Thinner women are catered to and the rest of us must settle for what fits. That feels LOUSY! <\/p>\n

On a bright note\u2014Sarah Jessica Parker<\/span> recently began a line of inexpensive, fashionable clothing called BITTEN<\/a><\/span> and sold at Steve & Barry\u2019s. I just checked. Her clothes go up to size XXL. Bless your heart Sarah Jessica! While my size is smaller, I\u2019m glad to see that she respects the rights of larger women to look fashionable and not pay an arm and a leg for less att
\nractive clothing.<\/p>\n

If you become more aware of these factors, you can try to slowly find ways to deal with them. Body image issues will always be there. It\u2019s YOUR choice to internalize them or keep them outside of your perception.<\/span> You can love and appreciate yourself as you are, or make yourself miserable chasing what you\u2019re not. Use some of the tips from my last post to practice loving and appreciating the packaging you come it. Do what you can to improve what\u2019s possible and make the most of what you have.<\/p>\n

GO GET NAKED. RIGHT NOW!<\/span> If you\u2019re at work, wait till you get home. ? Otherwise, take off your clothing\u2014all of it!<\/span> Look in the mirror and say, \u201cI love you the way you are.\u201d Run your hands up and down your wonderful body and appreciate all that you are. Remember, walking around comfortably in your own skin is the sexiest act for many people. <\/p>\n

Being naked is being free in your own skin.<\/span> It\u2019s a loving act. You might feel uncomfortable at first, or for a while. But practice eases discomfort. And as that happens, you may come to appreciate your body more. It\u2019s the only one you have so treat it lovingly, not with scorn. <\/p>\n

So go ahead\u2014I dare you to get naked. Let me know how it feels to you!<\/span> ? <\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

\"AddThis<\/a> var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Watching How to Look Good Naked got my brain humming more than usual. It\u2019s so easy to tell someone to lighten up on their body issues. But it\u2019s an uphill battle against all of the factors that reinforce feeling like your body isn\u2019t good enough. I\u2019ve had clients moan about how fat they are in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nLet\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Watching How to Look Good Naked got my brain humming more than usual. It\u2019s so easy to tell someone to lighten up on their body issues. But it\u2019s an uphill battle against all of the factors that reinforce feeling like your body isn\u2019t good enough. I\u2019ve had clients moan about how fat they are in…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-01-11T14:24:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/R4fC4V0xeqI\/AAAAAAAAAKU\/AmudWGhskBU\/s200\/Naked+4_1.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Watching How to Look Good Naked got my brain humming more than usual. It\u2019s so easy to tell someone to lighten up on their body issues. But it\u2019s an uphill battle against all of the factors that reinforce feeling like your body isn\u2019t good enough. I\u2019ve had clients moan about how fat they are in…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2008-01-11T14:24:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/R4fC4V0xeqI\/AAAAAAAAAKU\/AmudWGhskBU\/s200\/Naked+4_1.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html","name":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/R4fC4V0xeqI\/AAAAAAAAAKU\/AmudWGhskBU\/s200\/Naked+4_1.jpg","datePublished":"2008-01-11T14:24:00+00:00","dateModified":"2008-01-11T14:24:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/R4fC4V0xeqI\/AAAAAAAAAKU\/AmudWGhskBU\/s200\/Naked+4_1.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/4.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/R4fC4V0xeqI\/AAAAAAAAAKU\/AmudWGhskBU\/s200\/Naked+4_1.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-trois.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Trois"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=274"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/274\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}