{"id":273,"date":"2008-01-09T19:47:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-09T19:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-deux.html"},"modified":"2008-01-09T19:47:00","modified_gmt":"2008-01-09T19:47:00","slug":"lets-be-happily-naked-part-deux","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/01\/lets-be-happily-naked-part-deux.html","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked! Part Deux"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
Many folks are obsessed with weight\u2014their own and other people\u2019s. I do believe that the ones\u2014who point out extra pounds, or who are out and out critical, or who always notice if you\u2019re body looks good or you\u2019ve gained an ounce, are those who have issues with their own bodies. Since they\u2019re so self-conscious about their own bodies, they also pay more attention to everyone else\u2019s. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I was growing up, few cared about my dreams and goals for the future. But, it felt like everyone noticed what I ate. There I\u2019d be on a visit with family, enjoying my meal\u2014until I reached for more potatoes or another cookie. Then, it felt like the room stopped and all eyes were on me. I was questioned about whether I really needed it. Sure I did, at seven years old, when I didn\u2019t quite understand why there was so much fuss. <\/p>\n

Someone always explained, \u201cIf you eat too much you\u2019ll get too fat to attract a husband.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t understand why a cookie would make a difference, nor was I concerned about finding a husband. But the intensity of the warnings stuck. It made me guilty when I ate goodies. There was always an attitude around eating. Fat. Fat. Fat.<\/span> That set the tone for me believing that I was fat. When you hear a message often enough, it becomes your truth. <\/p>\n

Being an independent thinker back then, I\u2019d occasionally risk sharing my hopes for the future and explained that maybe I wouldn\u2019t need a husband to achieve them. So I didn\u2019t have to worry about my eating. Wrong! I was called fresh and told to stop eating. Looking back, I realize the women (never men!) who monitored my eating were always on diets themselves.<\/span> A lot of their conversations revolved around food, and how to lose weight. <\/p>\n

Weight conscious folks become weight conscious of others too. They can\u2019t get their own bodies the way they want so they make others feel bad or try to tell them what to do. I\u2019ve noticed that slim friends or those with great self-esteem rarely comment on whether I\u2019ve lost or gained weight and tell me how great I look when I say I\u2019m watching my diet. Yet the ones who always feel fat notice every pound I lose or gain. <\/p>\n

Have compassion for those who make comments about your weight. Like I said in my post, Trading Anger for Joy with Compassion<\/a><\/span>, folks who do things that hurt you are also hurting. People who need to focus on your weight are unhappy about their own. I\u2019ve actually, in a kind manner, told someone who\u2019d made too many weight comments, \u201cI\u2019m sorry you have issues with weight but I don\u2019t, and would appreciate your not pointing out mine.\u201d Sometimes it leads to helpful discussions.<\/p>\n

Being an 8+ size woman, I\u2019ve learned to do some of the things that Carson Kressley did on How to Look Good Naked<\/a><\/span>. You can do them too!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve found that carrying yourself well makes a big difference in your appearance. Woman or man, walking with your shoulders back and head held high makes you look better. It elongates your body, which can camouflage some of the ripples in the middle, and it makes you look more confident, which is always attractive. A confident stance takes the attention off your love handles and onto your overall demeanor.<\/span> <\/p>\n

Years ago, I had a friend who was short and somewhat chubby. Ari\u2019s legs were chunky yet she wore skirts that were a little above her knees and felt good about herself. She was a confident chick and wore her skirts with pride! Yet people suggested I have a talk with her about not wearing such short skirts with her stubby legs. I couldn\u2019t believe it the first time, yet it happened a bunch of times. Women who barely knew Ari were concerned that Ari\u2019s skirts didn\u2019t flatter her legs!<\/p>\n

I always replied that Ari had good vision and could see herself in the mirror. If she was fine with how she looked, I was too! I did agree that she\u2019d look better with something longer, but ya know what? Ari liked her skirts and her confidence showed. She had no shortage of boyfriends, even with her chunky legs showing. Because she carried herself with pride, people found Ari very attractive.<\/span> The only ones who didn\u2019t were those who didn\u2019t like themselves. <\/p>\n

Wear clothes that make YOU feel good<\/span>, like Ari did. Clothing that fits well makes a big difference. It doesn\u2019t matter what size you are\u2014wearing clothes that look nice on you makes you look and feel much better. Often when you feel fat, you don\u2019t feel worthy of wearing nice clothes. You are worthy at any size! Being well-dressed makes you more confident and the compliments that might come can make you feel good!<\/span> Why not dress nicely? Yet women who feel fat try to cover up, not doll up.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a false belief in people who are overweight that if you wear big clothing, it covers the fat. On the contrary, it calls more attention it.<\/span> <\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat, I had some illogical dress habits that seemed very rational then. Mind you, I was NEVER fat. But feeling overweight made me seek ways to take the attention away from my fat.<\/span> At one time I wore VERY bright colored clothing, thinking folks would notice the fabric instead of what was under it. Sometimes I\u2019d wear boobalicious shirts that emphasized my breasts, hoping it would keep attention from the rest of my body. Sometimes I\u2019d bag my body in bulky clothing. Looking back, I think OMIGOD! <\/p>\n

Fat on the brain rattled my senses!<\/span> <\/p>\n

Now my style is MUCH more low-key. I\u2019m not slim but I have a very shapely body and emphasize that with form-fitting outfits. It\u2019s much more flattering that oversized ones. I\u2019m no longer wild about anything low cut, even though I have a rack that could be flaunted. I\u2019ve outgrown my need for that since I\u2019ve lost my body shame! I\u2019m so comfortable in my skin, cellulite and all, that I prefer to just wear nice clothing instead of camouflage.<\/p>\n

The truth\u2014when I was a DoorMat I weighed more than I currently do, but my body image rocks now!<\/span><\/p>\n

How to Look Good Naked<\/a><\/span> is called that for a reason. When you feel fat, you hate your body and don\u2019t want to be without clothing. Yet a naked body is awesomely empowering! Appreciate the sexiness of being naked. Trust me, my body is far from perfect. But hey, it\u2019s mine! And in that spirit I walk around naked with pride, not shame. I\u2019ve never had a boyfriend who didn\u2019t love it. <\/p>\n

Since self-assurance is very attractive, walking around confidently naked is hot.<\/span><\/p>\n

While I\u2019ve never found a boyfriend\u2019s body to be perfect, I\u2019ve always been delighted with each one. I don\u2019t get naked with a guy unless it\u2019s someone I really care about, who I have a strong connection with. At that point, nakedness is wonderful because it\u2019s part of someone who means a lot to me,
\nwhich makes it beautiful. <\/p>\n

Start by walking around naked when you\u2019re home alone<\/span>. Get used to it. It\u2019s a very freeing<\/span> feeling. I HATE wearing clothing at home, so I tend to have very little on when I\u2019m in, which is often since I work from home. The only complaint I ever got from a boyfriend was concern that someone might see me since I keep my window blinds open. I\u2019m on the tenth floor in midtown Manhattan, so it doesn\u2019t concern me at all. There are no windows too close to mine to see details. And if some guy finds enough pleasure to watch me with binoculars, oh well. I\u2019m comfortable enough to not care. There are too many things to worry about that are more important. Since I learned to love my body, I love the freedom of no clothes. <\/p>\n

I\u2019ll continue Let\u2019s Be Happily Naked<\/span> week in my next post. Stayed tuned for more later this week!<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Many folks are obsessed with weight\u2014their own and other people\u2019s. I do believe that the ones\u2014who point out extra pounds, or who are out and out critical, or who always notice if you\u2019re body looks good or you\u2019ve gained an ounce, are those who have issues with their own bodies. Since they\u2019re so self-conscious about…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nLet\u2019s Be Happily Naked! 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