{"id":27,"date":"2010-02-19T11:53:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-19T11:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/speaking-in-front-of-a-group.html"},"modified":"2010-02-19T11:53:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-19T11:53:00","slug":"speaking-in-front-of-a-group","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2010\/02\/speaking-in-front-of-a-group.html","title":{"rendered":"Speaking in Front of a Group"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I get many people to answer questions when I write my books, to find out what they think. The most common thing identified that both men and women are afraid to do is to speak in front of a group. Many would rather die that have the attention on them, whether it\u2019s for a meeting at work, making a toast at wedding, or at a workshop that offers the chance to ask questions or give your opinion. Fear of saying the wrong thing or being received poorly can motivate avoiding these situations at all costs.<\/p>\n

When you dodge speaking in front of a group because you\u2019re scared, you can miss out on good opportunities.
<\/span>
In my DoorMat days I\u2019d go to any lengths not to speak to more than one person at a time. Bigger groups intimidated me and my lips would feel crazy glued together. I was so insecure that I couldn\u2019t imagine speaking without stumbling over my words or saying something stupid. I\u2019d be at a panel and think something good to say. Others seemed to have it easy going up to the mic and chatting with the panelists. But, as I thought about raising my hand, my mouth would get dry and my heart beat so fast from fear that I couldn\u2019t imagine how I\u2019d get the words out without collapsing.<\/p>\n

When I was trying to build my record label years ago, I went to a big music conference. I was on the cusp of building confidence\u2014not yet there but knowing I had to take risks to succeed. One panel stirred some questions that I thought were provocative and would add some interesting elements to the discussion. Asking required me to explain what I was doing. I sat there, practicing what I\u2019d say in my head, taking deep breaths to calm down and giving myself a silent pep talk. \u201cI can do it!\u201d In the past, I never got to the mic because I waited too long to get up. But I knew what had to be done.<\/p>\n

Taking risks can reap the biggest rewards.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wanted to move forward and got my butt out of the seat. Slowly, I got in line behind other people waiting to speak. Part of me prayed the panel would end before they got to me; a bigger part prayed that wouldn\u2019t happen. I wondered if people could tell I was trembling as I continued to do deep breathing to build my courage. I\u2019ll never forget how I felt when the guy in front of me finished. It was my turn. Too late to back out! I slowly stated my point and asked my question. People perked up and the panelists liked what I said.<\/p>\n

Taking control of the fear of speaking up feels great when you get to the other side, even if it doesn\u2019t got as well as you\u2019d have liked.<\/span> You should be proud of doing it at.<\/p>\n

My rewards made it worthwhile to endure the stress of waiting on the line to speak. People came to me to say they loved what I said and asked for my card. And, a celebrity panelist\u2014Ice-T\u2014came over to speak to me. After that, I put a lot of thought into finding something \u201cbrilliant\u201d to say on the mic at conferences, so people would know who I was. That led to meeting a lot of good people who helped me in my career.<\/p>\n

People who speak up aren\u2019t free of fear. They just push themselves to speak anyway.<\/span><\/p>\n

People who know me are surprised that I still get nervous before being on a TV show or speaking in front of a group. It gets easier as you do it more often but for most of us, it doesn\u2019t get easy. Speaking in front of large groups is part of my profession so I had to learn to get past the fear with steps to calm down and you can too:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Take slow deep breaths through you nose and then ever more slowly let it out though your mouth<\/span>. In any nervous situation, this can take the edge off of nervousness, slow down your heart rate and make you feel more relaxed.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Be prepared!<\/span> Know well what you plan to speak about. The more you research or read or learn about the topic you plan to speak about, the more confidence you’ll have and the better you’ll sound.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Think before you speak<\/span>. Don\u2019t just blurt something out on the fly. I let possibilities ruminate in my head for a while before I open my mouth. I also think of ideas before I even go out. Saying something that sounds good helps you attract people for networking or making money!<\/p>\n

\u2022 Do affirmations<\/span>. I\u2019ve been waiting for my turn to speak or ask a question and felt my insides quaking. That\u2019s when I repeat things in my head to build confidence. \u201cI will sound fabulous when I speak.\u201d Before appearing on TV shows, I sometimes go to the mirror and repeat to myself that I\u2019m really good and can make a great impression. Over and over. Damn! I really am good! ?<\/p>\n

\u2022 Start small to build confidence<\/span>. Speak up in a small group, then at a work meeting where you can come in prepared. The more you speak up and see that the world doesn\u2019t implode, the easier it becomes.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Accept that everyone makes mistakes<\/span> and if you stumble over a word or goof up in some way, it\u2019s okay. Laugh and move on. People don\u2019t remember for long, if at all. Just focus on the message you want to get across.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Use your spiritual power<\/span>. I look up and say thanks for support in sounding good when I speak. The more I feel supported, the more confident I become. I\u2019ve put my words into the Universe\u2019s hands and then I know I can do it well.<\/p>\n

Lat week I went to an intro class at Mama Gena\u2019s School of the Womanly Arts<\/a>. It\u2019s an amazing program that pushes women to be the best they can be. They also encourage bragging and Mama Gena walked around with a mic, asking women to stand up and brag. Those who did mainly knew her already and had been through her program. There were over 250 women there. I had to speak so I raised my hand! The mic was passed to me and I gave a short rundown of my accomplishments. I got huge applause and made some fabulous contacts with women who came up to me after because of what I said.<\/p>\n

Speaking up brings MANY rewards!<\/span> Build your courage and try it! The more you do it, the more you\u2019ll have the confidence to do it more. That confidence can carry over to other areas of your life and help you progress in your life journey, no matter where you\u2019re going!<\/p>\n

NOTE: I will be starting Mama Gena\u2019s Mastery program next month and will share some of the lessons here.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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