{"id":255,"date":"2008-02-22T18:14:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-22T18:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/02\/constructive-internet-networking.html"},"modified":"2008-02-22T18:14:00","modified_gmt":"2008-02-22T18:14:00","slug":"constructive-internet-networking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/02\/constructive-internet-networking.html","title":{"rendered":"Constructive Internet Networking"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>
I\u2019ve always advocated networking as a way to meet people who can be beneficial in your career and lots more. In my music business books, I emphasize how even without tons of money people can develop a career if they develop a friendly personality, get to industry events, collect cards with contact info, and follow up. The Internet makes networking a whole different ballgame.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been very blessed to make some good friends online, especially since I began this blog. I was honored when Todd at We The Change<\/a><\/span> invited me to be interviewed for his new podcast series. In it I talk more about how I got from being an unhappy DoorMat and teacher to reinvent myself into the career I have today. He posted it Wednesday and I\u2019m humbled by his words about me. If you\u2019d like to hear my story, check out Stop Being a Doormat: Lessons from an Expert<\/a><\/span>. <\/p>\n

Internet networking is both more personal and more detached.<\/span><\/p>\n

People answer personal ads, share deep feelings back and forth, fall in love before even speaking on the phone. Then many experience profound disappointment or deep hurt after meeting this person who seemed perfect as a partner. People can be whoever they\u2019d like on line.<\/span> When there\u2019s no face attached, it\u2019s easier to be more open and say what\u2019s on your mind. <\/p>\n

Being open digitally can come back to bite you later!<\/span><\/p>\n

Some potential employers or clients do searches on line. What might seem like fun to post on Myspace or Facebook can turn off someone who might otherwise want to work with you. The casual communication styles used in emails makes us not think as much before we write. You might share way too much or piss someone off by saying something you wouldn\u2019t say to his or her face, at least not as readily. <\/p>\n

Networking on the Internet is most effective when you learn to walk a careful line between making people like you and not getting inappropriately free in what you say.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you\u2019re dealing with anyone who might be related to your career, that line should get straighter\u2014making people like you while still coming across as professional. There are MANY ways to make contacts on line that will work to your advantage if you use some level of care in the process.<\/span> After being a DoorMat, it was hard for me to find that balance easily. I jumped at every sign of interest in me or kind word. <\/p>\n

But I learned some electronic boundaries<\/span> along with ways to make some great connections, like I did with Todd at We The Change<\/a><\/span>. Some rules I recommend to avoid common problems and to generate good feelings are<\/span>:<\/p>\n

* Think before you put anything into cyberspace.<\/span> Once it\u2019s there you can\u2019t make it go away. You may think it\u2019s gone but things get archived for a long time. Even websites that close still have links that can be accessed. <\/p>\n

* Be especially careful about emailing friends from work.<\/span> Delete doesn\u2019t mean gone. Emails can be retrieved from your computer long after they were sent and trashed. Think about what you write and ask yourself if it could hurt if your boss read it. It\u2019s so easy to share gossip or a sexual encounter with a friend. Those should be no-no\u2019s at work. <\/p>\n

* Ask yourself if you\u2019d tell someone off in person the way you do in an email.<\/span> If you wouldn\u2019t, calm down and rewrite it until it is something you would say in person. It\u2019s so easy to shoot your mouth off if the person isn\u2019t there. But it can cause problems down the road. <\/p>\n

* Don\u2019t get lost in making friends or answering emails.<\/span> With only a finite amount of time in our days, it can be easy to lose yourself online. Social networking can get out of control. Forums can be addictive as you chat with others. Prioritize what\u2019s most important. I have a \u201cto be answered later\u201d box and put less important emails there and take a block of time occasionally to answer them all at once.<\/p>\n

* Read before you post.<\/span> If you go onto a forum or on comment on a blog in hopes of promoting something, get a feel for its vibe before posting. When you do, share something valuable instead of jumping into a sales pitch. Once people get to know your name and appreciate your posts, you can include a bit about what you do at appropriate times and invite people to check you out. Someone who\u2019s only there to sell something is easily recognizable and that\u2019s a big turnoff. <\/p>\n

That said, do what you can to network for your best interests:<\/span> <\/p>\n

* Join the social communities that will best serve your needs.<\/span> I\u2019m on MySpace<\/a><\/span> because of the music books I write and on Linkedin<\/a> for my writing, speaking and consulting. I don\u2019t initiate making friends as I don\u2019t have time. But I can click on accept when people come to me. ? MySpace has brought me together with fans who for whatever reason didn\u2019t find my website. I haven\u2019t found Linkedin to be valuable so far but see it could be valuable if you work it, which I also don\u2019t have time for. I just joined Facebook today and have 2 friends who were waiting for me to join. I\u2019ve heard folks say it can be the best one so I\u2019m giving it a shot. If you\u2019re on it and want to be a friend, come on over to my Facebook<\/a> page! <\/p>\n

* Have good manners.<\/span> Please and thank you go a long way in all communication. It\u2019s amazing how many folks just jump into what they want and don\u2019t show appreciation when they get the response they need. I get many emails from people who\u2019ve read my books and want me to answer often long questions or give them other info, even though consulting is part of my profession that I get paid for. That sense of entitlement really puts me off. But when someone acknowledges they know I\u2019m busy and asks nicely, I\u2019m more likely to give a real answer. I\u2019d guess that of all the folks I give at least a short answer to their questions, at least 90% of them never say thank you. Remember, what goes around comes back to you!<\/p>\n

* Don\u2019t be a snob.<\/span> Be friendly to everyone. You can selectively choose who you keep in better touch with. But you never know where someone you deem as inconsequential for your career might end up. <\/p>\n

* Trust your intuition, not your ego.<\/span> It\u2019s easy to get caught up in a big talker\u2019s blarney. Or be wooed by high praise. This is where I used to have BIG problems when I was a DoorMat. Someone would say what I wanted to hear and I\u2019d jump in and trust them, rarin\u2019 to be their friend. On the Internet, it\u2019s much easier fo
\nr someone to be a poser. Get beyond someone emailing you what you want to hear and see if this person is worth cultivating as an online friend. Step back from your ego and see if you see signs that there\u2019s a problem. I\u2019ve met lots of people though my blog and other e-interactions but only keep in real touch with a small few.<\/p>\n

Just as Internet sites and resources are endless, so are Internet friends. I don\u2019t have time to write back and forth endlessly to anyone, no matter who it is. But I do keep in touch with the people I\u2019ve come to like and who\u2019ve earned my respect, as I\u2019ve earned theirs. Until someone invents the 48 hour day (what I wouldn\u2019t give for that!), there\u2019s not enough time to get lost in Cyberspace.<\/p>\n

I liked the blog, We The Change<\/a><\/span> and when Todd dropped me a note to comment on how he liked mine, I saw he lived in NY like me. We ended up having lunch in person. I\u2019m used to lunching electronically with friends so this was different. That evolved into his interviewing me for his podcast, and becoming supportive. My gut told me he was a great guy, and he is! Now we help each other.<\/p>\n

Use common sense and your instincts to choose who you interact with online<\/span> to avoid getting into cyber-trouble and to make the most of opportunities. Be friendly, supportive and appreciative of any help you get. That\u2019s the best way to meet folks who will be good friends and supporters. Don\u2019t forget to check out my podcast, Stop Being a Doormat: Lessons from an Expert<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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