{"id":2485,"date":"2012-01-09T12:01:02","date_gmt":"2012-01-09T17:01:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2485"},"modified":"2012-01-07T13:27:18","modified_gmt":"2012-01-07T18:27:18","slug":"self-love-vs-selfish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2012\/01\/self-love-vs-selfish.html","title":{"rendered":"Self-Love vs. Selfish"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 9 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month<\/a><\/strong> with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>There\u2019s more than a fine line between being selfish and being loving to yourself. Yet some people confuse the two and use it to get more from you. When you\u2019ve been a people pleaser, you might feel selfish for doing things that make you happy when others need you. That\u2019s how DoorMats think! Self-love is the most unselfish gift you can give yourself! It\u2019s your responsibility as a child of God to treat yourself with as much love as possible.<\/p>\n

As someone who came from a place of not loving herself at all, I can attest that when you care for yourself first, you end up having a lot more to give others. It\u2019s practical, which is why the heart gets nourishment before the rest of the body. You must first self-nourish with love and meet your needs to have more value for others. When you fly, you\u2019re told that if you\u2019re traveling with a child, put on your own oxygen mask first. Taking care of you makes you more able to help your child. A limping person is less able to help someone who needs support. When we put the needs of others first, we\u2019re weaker. It\u2019s harder to support someone if you\u2019re not supporting you? Make yourself strong first!<\/p>\n

Saving more time and energy for you is NOT selfish. It\u2019s self-love! I’ve been unfairly called selfish for saying \u201cno\u201d to a very inconvenient favor or to giving time to someone I didn\u2019t like who never helped me. When you begin to give yourself love by doing more for you and setting boundaries on what you do for others to achieve this, you might get hit by a big poison word dart\u2014getting called selfish. But the truth is, making self-care a priority isn\u2019t selfish. It\u2019s logical. When you feel good, you have more to give<\/p>\n

Loving yourself, and making you a priority doesn\u2019t make you selfish!! Self-love requires healthy doses of putting you first.<\/p>\n

If you’re consistent, people will get used to the new you. If they don’t, you probably don’t need them. Don\u2019t waste energy trying to enlighten folks. They may not want to get it if they\u2019re selfishly trying to manipulate you with word darts. I\u2019ve explained to dart throwers and they didn\u2019t like it. Too bad! I\u2019ve also asked why they think they\u2019re more important than me. You guessed it. They don\u2019t like that either!\u00a0 People eventually will accept you. It ain\u2019t worth the effort to keep explaining to someone who doesn\u2019t want to listen.\u00a0 As you accept your right to be #1 in your priorities, and that not being everything for everybody doesn\u2019t make you selfish, barbs roll off more easily.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s time to accept that YOUR needs deserve priority in YOUR decisions! This isn’t selfish! Selfish folks do as they please. People who love themselves evaluate each situation to decide what’s best and do unto others when possible. In recent years I\u2019ve said, \u201cfocus on self\u201d over and over when I feel life getting out of my control. It helps me concentrate on finishing projects, decreasing stress, and maintaining physical and emotional health. This isn\u2019t selfish. You can be kind to others while giving yourself loving attention.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re entitled to say \u201cno\u201d and to address behavior that feels wrong. If you don’t purposely hurt someone, why not honor your needs? Yet some folks say it\u2019s selfish. , These days if that happens, I ask why is taking care of me selfish??? Consider it rationally, without guilt. Why create false security by making others happy, if YOU aren\u2019t happy too?\u00a0 Word darts are weapons to make you return to more giving ways. Don\u2019t let names used to return you to pleasing mode stop your progress!<\/p>\n

People who call you selfish are the selfish ones for trying to manipulate you to do more for them. You\u2019re entitled to care for you. Selfish people rush to call others selfish\u2014to guilt them into submission. You\u2019re not selfish for limiting how much to give others.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>–a pledge to do something loving for yourself for the next 31 days–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts from 2011 HERE<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is Day 9 of my 31 Days of Self-Love posts to celebrate Self-Love Month with suggestions for jumpstarting your own self-love. There\u2019s more than a fine line between being selfish and being loving to yourself. Yet some people confuse the two and use it to get more from you. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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