{"id":2404,"date":"2011-12-05T12:01:57","date_gmt":"2011-12-05T17:01:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2404"},"modified":"2011-12-04T21:13:34","modified_gmt":"2011-12-05T02:13:34","slug":"do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html","title":{"rendered":"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-717\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/91\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"222\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a>I was taught it\u2019s nice to please people. And it is, as long as you don\u2019t sacrifice your own needs to do it, as many of us do. Putting more into pleasing others than you do to please yourself is not being nice! It\u2019s being a Doormat. Taking care of your needs is NOT selfish! It\u2019s necessary to become a strong, empowered person. Giving more to others can dampen your spirits, even if the people you give to are happy. When I was a DoorMat I walked around with many negative emotions that are common in people pleasers:<\/p>\n<p>\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Anger about feeling used or taken for granted.<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Frustration over not having enough time or energy to get your own needs met.<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Sadness that with all you do for others, you get little reciprocation when you need help.<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Low about yourself for letting people take advantage of you.<\/p>\n<p>When doing things for others makes you unhappy, it\u2019s time to make some changes. The best one is to do things for you that make you happy, which builds self-love. When you please yourself more, you feel better. When you feel better, you have more to give others. When I was a DoorMat I often felt drained and my energy was low as I plodded along to help others. The more I gave myself, the stronger my self-love became. The stronger my self-love became, the brighter my spirit got.<\/p>\n<p>While I do believe in what&#8217;s known as the golden rule&#8211;Do unto others as you would have others do unto you&#8211;I also believe you must Do unto yourself as you do unto others. We often forget about taking care of self in our efforts to take care of others. But each of us needs to come first in our own priority. It&#8217;s important to never forget that!<\/p>\n<p>I was surprised when I realized that the more I loved and did good for me, the more I wanted to help others, just to be kind, not to buy acceptance. My ability to give was propelled by the good energy I felt from being kind to me. The more you please yourself, the better you feel. That\u2019s the premise behind my <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-pledge\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a>, a pledge to do something kind for yourself for the first 31 days of 2012. You only have one life. Live it with self-love! Love yourself, have lots of fun, and treat yourself with the same kindness you give to your best friend.<\/p>\n<p>As you treat yourself with loving kindness, your energy will shift to a place where you can set boundaries on what you give based on what\u2019s best for you, not the person who wants your favors. I give more these days than I ever did when I was a DoorMat, and it\u2019s from my heart, not from a place of insecurity or a belief that everyone must like me. That kind of giving makes you feel good and enriches your life instead of depleting it. Love yourself enough to make you happy!<\/p>\n<p>*********************<\/p>\n<p>Take the <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-pledge\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>31 Days of Self-Love Challenge<\/strong><\/a> &#8211;a pledge to start your year by doing something kind for yourself for the first 31 days of January&#8211;and get my book, <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-book\" target=\"_blank\">How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/\">http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/post-self-love-actions\" target=\"_blank\">HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts <strong><a href=\"..\/2011\/02\/31-days-of-self-love-posts.html\" target=\"_blank\">HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was taught it\u2019s nice to please people. And it is, as long as you don\u2019t sacrifice your own needs to do it, as many of us do. Putting more into pleasing others than you do to please yourself is not being nice! It\u2019s being a Doormat. Taking care of your needs is NOT selfish!&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[224,27,223],"class_list":["post-2404","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-do-unto-others","tag-self-love","tag-taking-care-of-self"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I was taught it\u2019s nice to please people. And it is, as long as you don\u2019t sacrifice your own needs to do it, as many of us do. Putting more into pleasing others than you do to please yourself is not being nice! It\u2019s being a Doormat. Taking care of your needs is NOT selfish!&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-12-05T17:01:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-12-05T02:13:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"I was taught it\u2019s nice to please people. And it is, as long as you don\u2019t sacrifice your own needs to do it, as many of us do. Putting more into pleasing others than you do to please yourself is not being nice! It\u2019s being a Doormat. Taking care of your needs is NOT selfish!&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2011-12-05T17:01:57+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-12-05T02:13:34+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html","name":"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg","datePublished":"2011-12-05T17:01:57+00:00","dateModified":"2011-12-05T02:13:34+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/04\/HowDoILoveMeCover1-222x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/12\/do-unto-yourself-as-you-do-unto-others.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Do Unto Yourself as You Do Unto Others"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start &amp; Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2404","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2404"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2404\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2410,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2404\/revisions\/2410"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2404"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2404"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2404"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}