{"id":230,"date":"2008-04-29T16:14:00","date_gmt":"2008-04-29T16:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/04\/becoming-decisive.html"},"modified":"2008-04-29T16:14:00","modified_gmt":"2008-04-29T16:14:00","slug":"becoming-decisive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/04\/becoming-decisive.html","title":{"rendered":"Becoming Decisive"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\"\"<\/a>Do you hesitate to make decisions? It\u2019s a common problem. Concern about the results of making a choice can drive even the best of us hesitate to commit to something. Yet in order to reach the SUCCESS you\u2019d like, it\u2019s important to learn to trust yourself to make choices.<\/p>\n

Everyone has some insecurity, and it can rear it\u2019s head when decisions need to be made. <\/span><\/p>\n

Are you scared of making poor choices? You may worry about disappointing or inconveniencing someone. So you hesitate and hesitate, as it pounds your confidence to know you just can\u2019t be definitive about making a choice. Waffling puts you on shaky ground. Stammering loses respect, from yourself too.<\/p>\n

It can get frustrating when you know you should make a decision but you don\u2019t trust yourself to do it, though you know you should be able to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes old habits block our ability to make a decision. Were you reprimanded for mistakes growing up? Or criticized for making poor choices by a romantic partner? That can make you gun shy about pulling the decision making trigger. We get conditioned to expect certain responses. If you got used to expecting to be put down for your choices, you may subconsciously still expect to get nailed for them, even if the circumstances are very different.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to remind yourself how much you\u2019ve grown and improved. When I was a DoorMat I\u2019d wince inside when I was forced to make a decision. I waited to be chastised for not choosing correctly. It didn\u2019t happen often but when it did, it was painful.<\/p>\n

Wanting to please can make even one \u201cwrong\u201d decision feel catastrophic.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you play mental ping-pong between what others may want you to choose and what you really want?<\/span> That was often my case. \u201cWhere do you want to go for dinner?\u201d A simple question that made me think about what I\u2019d like to eat, then what would the other person like to eat, then what would the other person like me to choose, then I\u2019d teeter over the answer and ask the other person to choose. Whether it’s a personal decision or one for business, if you\u2019re concerned with what the other person would want you to choose, it\u2019s hard to make a real decision.<\/p>\n

Get advice from someone you respect. Make the choice you\u2019d like first and then see what someone you trust thinks. Trusting your choices takes practice. You\u2019ll eventually feel more comfortable. Inability to make decisions adds to feeling powerless. Identify what makes decisions tough to face and how to become more decisive:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Identify what scares you about choosing.<\/span> Often you\u2019ll see that whatever holds you back can be dealt with to get past it. If you\u2019re just concerned about pleasing others, step back and ask yourself what you think first. What\u2019s the worst that can happen from making my choice?<\/p>\n

\u2022 Don\u2019t dwell on worst-case scenarios.<\/span> They\u2019re usually much worse than real outcomes. If you think of something awful, consider how likely it really is for it to happen.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Ask, \u201cAm I concerned about pleasing someone?\u201d <\/span>Practice making decisions that at least take you into serious account, one choice at a time. Consciousness helps!<\/p>\n

\u2022 Picture both sides.<\/span> List pros and cons of each choice. Then use logic to choose. Always ask yourself first, \u201cWhat do I REALLY want?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2022 Don\u2019t blow the decision out of proportion or make any too important.<\/span> Very little is do or die. I see people get so worked up over having to make a decision when the possible outcomes don\u2019t merit all the anxiety. Keep it in perspective.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Tap your intuition.<\/span> Your first thoughts are often right. Practice thinking about the first choice that comes to you instead of over-analyzing what to do.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Do affirmations to boost confidence.<\/span> \u201cI trust myself to make a good choice.\u201d It can help settle you down.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Distinguish between serious and frivolous.<\/span> Decisions that impact work, health, and family need more thought than where to eat. Make the simpler ones faster.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Practice making small decisions.<\/span> As you see the world doesn\u2019t implode, tackle more. Each small one you choose makes it a tiny bit easier to make another.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Take a deep breath and just say it.<\/span> Often the decision just lays on your tongue but doesn\u2019t quite come out. Count to three and blurt it out when you begin to second guess yourself. If it\u2019s not the best choice, you\u2019ll have learned why.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Praise yourself for making a choice.<\/span> \u201cI did it and can do it again!\u201d Feel pride for conquering blocks.<\/p>\n

\u2022 While making a tough decision, nod your head in agreement to reassure yourself.<\/span> It helps fight doubt.<\/p>\n

You won\u2019t always make perfect choices, and it\u2019s okay. Do your best. Hesitating increases pressure, which increases stress. If it\u2019s not the best choice, it\u2019s okay! Accept you can\u2019t know everything. You can\u2019t predict responses or glitches that can manifest. Evaluate situations and decide based on known facts. That\u2019s SUCCESS\u2014the best you can do!<\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks to these blog carnivals for including this article.
\"10<\/a>
Carnival of Self-Mastery <\/a>
Carnival of Improving Life<\/a><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Do you hesitate to make decisions? It\u2019s a common problem. Concern about the results of making a choice can drive even the best of us hesitate to commit to something. Yet in order to reach the SUCCESS you\u2019d like, it\u2019s important to learn to trust yourself to make choices. 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