{"id":221,"date":"2008-06-13T20:22:00","date_gmt":"2008-06-13T20:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html"},"modified":"2008-06-13T20:22:00","modified_gmt":"2008-06-13T20:22:00","slug":"a-new-way-to-spell-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html","title":{"rendered":"A New Way to Spell Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
Lately I\u2019ve seen a saying about love that I truly relate to. I don\u2019t know who originally said it. Versions of it have been attributed to several people. I just know that it\u2019s true.<\/p>\n

The way to spell love is t-i-m-e.<\/span><\/p>\n

I said it to someone recently and she looked at me like I spoke a foreign language. She was confused. Didn\u2019t get it at all. Was it a riddle? No! It is the truth.<\/p>\n

If you have money, it\u2019s easy to buy things for someone you care about<\/span>. Even if money is tight, some folks would rather buy something for someone than be there for them. I have friends who buy me things but rarely have time to just hang out. Or help with something I need. Or be there when I need emotional support. I know how busy they are and respect that. I\u2019m crazy busy too! But I know who really loves me by whether or not the person makes the time to see me.<\/p>\n

Mom\u2019s tell me their grown kids send flowers or gifts instead of visiting. Many women have complained about a boyfriend or husband who is a work-a-holic. He works and works to have her in a nice house and allow her lots of money to spend. But he\u2019s hardly ever home. And when he is, he wants to do things he enjoys, since he\u2019s hardly ever home. These men often buy toys and other goodies for their kids instead of going to school plays and ball games, reading to them or basically spending any quality time being a Dad.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not loving! It\u2019s compensating for not giving love. <\/span><\/p>\n

Not making time doesn\u2019t mean you don\u2019t love the person. It does mean they don\u2019t have a lot of importance to you. It\u2019s so easy in this busy world to get so caught up in your stuff that you forget to be loving to those you say you love.<\/p>\n

Time is the ultimate gift. It\u2019s truly giving of yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Peter, one of my clients, went on and on about how he didn\u2019t understand why his wife was so unhappy. He\u2019d bought a dream house in the burbs for her to live in. She didn\u2019t have to work. They had three lovely kids. He never questioned what she bought. Peter bragged that because he worked so hard, his wife wanted for nothing. Wrong, I told him. She wanted Peter and he was off traveling for work. His commute was long. Sometimes he stayed over in the city. He got home in time to go to sleep and often worked over the weekend.<\/p>\n

He deluded himself that he was giving his wife what she wanted. But she wanted his time, the one thing he wouldn\u2019t give. <\/span><\/p>\n

Peter argued about the jewelry and gifts he brought back from his trips. He often sent flowers. Wasn\u2019t that good enough to show his love? Wasn\u2019t he being romantic by sending roses? Nope! He was taking the easy way out. Peter really did love his wife but couldn\u2019t spare the time for her, or their kids very often. For all his wife knew his secretary was sending flowers, or picking out the gifts. She wanted to matter to Peter enough for him to want to be with her. But he was buried in the work and deluded himself it was for her, so he couldn\u2019t just be there in person. By the time I got through to him, it was too late. She filed for divorce.<\/p>\n

As busy as I am, I always say that if something really matters to me I make time for it<\/span>. I might not have unlimited time to see someone I care about or to help indefinitely if I have work to do. But I\u2019ll make the effort if that person matters to me. If I find myself making excuses, I realize I don\u2019t care that much about seeing the person. And I know that someone who can\u2019t make time for me is someone I can\u2019t count on, so they get lower in my priorities too.<\/p>\n

The way to spell love is t-i-m-e.<\/span><\/p>\n

Time comes in many flavors. It can be dropping in for a few minutes on a work intensive day to check on a sick friend. Or doing something one on one with a child. Or taking a walk with your romantic partner. Or helping a friend shop for a new car. Or attending an event with someone. Or a gazillion other things that show you\u2019re willing to give time to that person.<\/p>\n

While you can\u2019t always do everything for everyone, do you best to at least compromise about being there for the ones in your life who mean the most to you. <\/span><\/p>\n

During the last years of my Mom\u2019s life, she had Macular Degeneration, which left her visually impaired. She was frustrated at not being able to do many things. Mom was in Florida so I couldn\u2019t just run over. Sometimes it overwhelmed her and she needed to talk and called me. She seemed to have radar for when I was doing 10 things at once on high speed. Or on the phone with a client. She was a good Mom to me. I loved her dearly. So when I\u2019d hear her voice I\u2019d take a deep breath, ask her to hang on a minute while I asked my client if I could call back, and I\u2019d gently tell her it was a very good time to chat.<\/p>\n

I felt good being able to return the love I\u2019d gotten from Mom. I know it meant the world to her that I made time to comfort her when she needed it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Giving someone time is truly a blessing. And don\u2019t forget yourself when you\u2019re spelling love<\/span>. Make time to relax and take care of yourself. And to have fun! The gift of time costs nothing out of your wallet but as they say in the Master Card commercial, it\u2019s priceless<\/span>. And if you’re in person, don’t forget to add some hugs!<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

\"AddThis<\/a> var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lately I\u2019ve seen a saying about love that I truly relate to. I don\u2019t know who originally said it. Versions of it have been attributed to several people. I just know that it\u2019s true. The way to spell love is t-i-m-e. I said it to someone recently and she looked at me like I spoke…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"\nA New Way to Spell Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A New Way to Spell Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Lately I\u2019ve seen a saying about love that I truly relate to. I don\u2019t know who originally said it. Versions of it have been attributed to several people. I just know that it\u2019s true. The way to spell love is t-i-m-e. I said it to someone recently and she looked at me like I spoke…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-06-13T20:22:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SFMVbCrjo4I\/AAAAAAAAAXE\/NWqdbRjyKIg\/s200\/MF_6142.JPG\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"A New Way to Spell Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"A New Way to Spell Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Lately I\u2019ve seen a saying about love that I truly relate to. I don\u2019t know who originally said it. Versions of it have been attributed to several people. I just know that it\u2019s true. The way to spell love is t-i-m-e. I said it to someone recently and she looked at me like I spoke…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2008-06-13T20:22:00+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SFMVbCrjo4I\/AAAAAAAAAXE\/NWqdbRjyKIg\/s200\/MF_6142.JPG"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html","name":"A New Way to Spell Love - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SFMVbCrjo4I\/AAAAAAAAAXE\/NWqdbRjyKIg\/s200\/MF_6142.JPG","datePublished":"2008-06-13T20:22:00+00:00","dateModified":"2008-06-13T20:22:00+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SFMVbCrjo4I\/AAAAAAAAAXE\/NWqdbRjyKIg\/s200\/MF_6142.JPG","contentUrl":"http:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SFMVbCrjo4I\/AAAAAAAAAXE\/NWqdbRjyKIg\/s200\/MF_6142.JPG"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/06\/a-new-way-to-spell-love.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"A New Way to Spell Love"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=221"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}