{"id":2109,"date":"2011-10-21T12:01:34","date_gmt":"2011-10-21T16:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2109"},"modified":"2011-09-06T09:30:41","modified_gmt":"2011-09-06T13:30:41","slug":"stop-lamenting-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html","title":{"rendered":"Stop Lamenting Problems!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Everyone has problems. Everyone! You may think it\u2019s just you but we all have stuff go wrong or in ways we don\u2019t like. I do. Recently I had to move my websites to a different server and it messed on up for reasons no one could figure out for a while. My email was down for a day when the guy who transferred it emailed me the new stuff I had to put in to retrieve it, but that email didn\u2019t arrive since my email wasn\u2019t working! It was a weekend and he was out and didn\u2019t get my phone messages till he got home at night. Needless to say, I went a little crazy.<\/p>\n<p>It got to me at first and I lamented to some people. But, I caught myself quickly and when I got aggravated, I affirmed that everything would work out fine. I stopped whining about it to friends and began making my own calls to tech support instead of waiting for others to do it for me. That got me my info to get my email instead of prolonging the aggravation by complaining about it.<\/p>\n<p>Jim Rohn said, \u201c<strong>To solve any problem, there are three questions to ask yourself: First, what could I do? Second, what could I read? And third, whom could I ask?<\/strong>&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I did that and asked, which got my email working and made me feel better than complaining did. Too often we get so immersed in our emotions about a problem that we lose time, energy and perspective that could be used to find solutions. That makes you feel more helpless than you are. Norman Vincent Peale said, &#8220;Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven&#8217;t half the strength you think they have.\u201d It\u2019s so true!<\/p>\n<p>Focusing on negatives caused by the problem makes them feel bigger, especially if they become bigger if you don\u2019t do anything. Stress and frustration have a way of magnifying how you see them, which causes more stress and frustration. Stopping to think about what you can do to alleviate the problem puts your energy in a positive direction, and feels a lot better since doing that puts you more in control instead of feeling helpless. Ask:<\/p>\n<p>\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Who can I call to ask for help?<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0What one action can I take to start getting a resolution?<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Where can I find information that can help my situation?<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0And if there\u2019s nothing you can do: How can I let go and move on?<\/p>\n<p>Norman Vincent Peale said, &#8220;<strong>Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution.<\/strong> If you don&#8217;t have any problems, you don&#8217;t get any seeds&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Seeds teach us how to handle situations. And they open us up to new directions to try. Lamenting does nothing but make you feel bad. I know, because I used to be a first class lamenter. Something went wrong and I\u2019d roll it around in my head, whine about it to anyone who\u2019d listen, and work myself up to a very negative state. And I felt like I was being punished for not being good enough. It prevented me from solving problems quickly and kept me in a bad mood. When I left DoorMativille and began to love myself, I realized that lamenting is very unloving.<\/p>\n<p>So as an act of self-love, I became more conscious of my response to problems. Now I make a conscious effort to take a spiritual approach to problems, trusting that they\u2019ll work out fine so I don\u2019t need to worry. I think more clearly and take more actions. When I handled my email problem by calling tech myself, I felt so empowered! It\u2019s made life so much better. I no longer take problems personally since I love myself enough to know I deserve everything good I attract.<\/p>\n<p>Pay attention to how you handle problems. Try to stay positive and use the tips I provided in my post, <a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/staying-positive-when-life-gets-negative.html\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Staying Positive When Things Get Negative<\/strong><\/a>. Love yourself enough to not go to a dark place when life isn\u2019t going the way you want. Life gets better when you change your response to problems!<br \/>\n***************<\/p>\n<p>Take the <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-pledge\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/the-book\" target=\"_blank\">How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at <a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/\">http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com\/post-self-love-actions\" target=\"_blank\">HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts <strong><a href=\"..\/2011\/02\/31-days-of-self-love-posts.html\" target=\"_blank\">HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Everyone has problems. Everyone! You may think it\u2019s just you but we all have stuff go wrong or in ways we don\u2019t like. I do. Recently I had to move my websites to a different server and it messed on up for reasons no one could figure out for a while. My email was down&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2,15],"tags":[164,163],"class_list":["post-2109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-getting-past-problems","tag-handlding-problems"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Stop Lamenting Problems! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Stop Lamenting Problems! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Everyone has problems. Everyone! You may think it\u2019s just you but we all have stuff go wrong or in ways we don\u2019t like. I do. Recently I had to move my websites to a different server and it messed on up for reasons no one could figure out for a while. 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Everyone! You may think it\u2019s just you but we all have stuff go wrong or in ways we don\u2019t like. I do. Recently I had to move my websites to a different server and it messed on up for reasons no one could figure out for a while. My email was down&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2011-10-21T16:01:34+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-09-06T13:30:41+00:00","author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html","name":"Stop Lamenting Problems! - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-10-21T16:01:34+00:00","dateModified":"2011-09-06T13:30:41+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/10\/stop-lamenting-problems.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Stop Lamenting Problems!"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start &amp; Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2109","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2109"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2109\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2125,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2109\/revisions\/2125"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2109"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2109"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2109"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}