{"id":2097,"date":"2011-08-29T12:01:09","date_gmt":"2011-08-29T16:01:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=2097"},"modified":"2011-08-28T21:46:16","modified_gmt":"2011-08-29T01:46:16","slug":"question-how-do-i-handle-a-mean-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/08\/question-how-do-i-handle-a-mean-boss.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: How Do I Handle a Mean Boss?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A reader responded to my post last week on People Who Tear You Down<\/strong><\/a> with a question. How do you respond to a boss who picks on you, puts you down, and then acts like he\u2019s got your back. She needs the job as there aren\u2019t many things she can do living where she does.<\/p>\n

People in my workshops often complain about an unresponsive, overly demanding or disrespectful boss. If you need your job, you can feel helpless to stand up to him or her. But you can! The best way to handle it is nicely! I believe most people in high authority are decent souls, but they\u2019re often under pressure and take it out on those under them. When you approach a boss with that belief, communication can be easier and the person is more likely to understand your point.<\/p>\n

Usually if we do say something, the anger we feel gets into our tone and the person feels it. The reader says when she talks to her boss, he does more things to get even after. Nobody likes to feel attacked. Telling him what he\u2019s doing wrong puts him on the defensive, and all he\u2019ll hear is that you don\u2019t like what he did. Speaking in a friendly, non-accusatory tone can change that. A conversation works so much better than a lecture or complaint.<\/p>\n

If possible, ask your boss if you can buy him a cup of coffee or lunch. If that doesn\u2019t work, find a peaceful time and ask for a few minutes. Start by saying something positive. Say that you like your job and appreciate him as your boss. Acknowledge how hard he works and the stress he might be under. It can soften him to hear you out more objectively. Remember, the boss is a person. Think in terms of having a discussion instead of a confrontation.<\/p>\n

Be prepared with specific examples of things he said or did and why you deserved respect and appreciation. Begin by asking what he thinks of your job performance. Keep an even, friendly tone in your voice, and smile. Then explain that he may not realize what he does but it doesn\u2019t feel good. Does he have a problem with you that you can work on? Emphasize that you respect him and want your work relationship to be positive. How can you work together to make it so? Tell him you like him and hope you can clear up any issues between you.<\/p>\n

Keep your voice even, soft and friendly. He\u2019s more likely to hear it without judgment if you don\u2019t make it about feeling judged. Emphasize you\u2019d just like to improve how you work together because you respect him as a boss and would like to earn his respect. You truly can catch more flies with honey rather than vinegar as they say. Try a gentle approach instead of lashing out or holding it in and making yourself ill. It might not work, but it\u2019s a good shot for having a more peaceful workplace.
\n***************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader responded to my post last week on People Who Tear You Down with a question. How do you respond to a boss who picks on you, puts you down, and then acts like he\u2019s got your back. She needs the job as there aren\u2019t many things she can do living where she does.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,14,2],"tags":[154,152,153],"class_list":["post-2097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-doormats","tag-mean-boss","tag-speaking-up"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: How Do I Handle a Mean Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/08\/question-how-do-i-handle-a-mean-boss.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: How Do I Handle a Mean Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader responded to my post last week on People Who Tear You Down with a question. How do you respond to a boss who picks on you, puts you down, and then acts like he\u2019s got your back. She needs the job as there aren\u2019t many things she can do living where she does.…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/08\/question-how-do-i-handle-a-mean-boss.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-08-29T16:01:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-08-29T01:46:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Question: How Do I Handle a Mean Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/08\/question-how-do-i-handle-a-mean-boss.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Question: How Do I Handle a Mean Boss? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"A reader responded to my post last week on People Who Tear You Down with a question. How do you respond to a boss who picks on you, puts you down, and then acts like he\u2019s got your back. 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2097","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2097"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2097\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2100,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2097\/revisions\/2100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2097"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2097"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2097"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}