I have a friend who had been very overweight and after years and went to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) for help. With lots of faith and support from her sponsor, she lost over 100 pounds, and kept it off. Now she\u2019s happy to give back, but it\u2019s gotten excessive. People call her all day long to cry about mistakes they made with their eating and also to share their personal problems. She\u2019s happy to help. She sounds like Dear Abbey, as she comforts and makes suggestions.<\/p>\n
Whenever I see her she has a phone in her ear and she\u2019s giving advice. For her it\u2019s not a problem. She enjoys helping others and has made it part of her lifestyle. Yet for many months I, and her family, have observed her making food too important and eating more unhealthy things. It seemed like she used helping others to avoid helping herself. While she was keeping the weight off, her eating habits were starting to reflecting she was losing control. She also neglected things she needed to do because she was too busy supporting everyone else. I finally sat her down for a heart to heart. I explained that while it\u2019s nice to help others, neglecting herself was NOT nice.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ve heard it before but it\u2019s worth repeating. You can\u2019t fix anyone but yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n You can support people and make suggestions but change has to come from each individual<\/strong>, just as your changes can only come from you. Yet we often get carried away in our efforts to fix someone and end up frustrated when it\u2019s an effort in futility. All change comes from inside.<\/p>\n \u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Someone may help you learn about a job opening that\u2019s perfect for you after you\u2019ve complained incessantly about your current position, but you have to get yourself to apply for it.\u00a0 All the bugging in the world won\u2019t make you do something you\u2019re not ready to do.<\/p>\n \u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You can compliment an insecure woman often but until she develops self-appreciation she still won\u2019t believe your words. You\u2019ll constantly have to prop her up as nothing you say will stick for long. She has to build self-esteem from the inside out.<\/p>\n \u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You can encourage him to dump the woman he knows is using him but until he loves himself enough to end it, he\u2019ll continue to be her banker, and feel lousy about it. He has to build his own self-love and love himself enough to trade her in for someone good for him.<\/p>\n \u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You can believe that love is enough to make your guy become the man you want him to be but it won\u2019t happen unless he wants to be that guy for himself.<\/p>\n \u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0You can do what you can to rescue and take care of a woman with problems but unless she decides to get her act together for herself, she\u2019ll be a burden for you until you\u2019re drowning in her problems and end it.<\/p>\n Fix yourself first! By that I mean make yourself happy and healthy<\/strong>. Tackle issues that make you unhappy. Eat well, exercise, read, go for therapy if necessary, be more loving to you. That makes you stronger and more able to help others. When I was a DoorMat I thrived on trying to fix others. I wanted people to depend on me since they usually stuck around for what I gave them. At times I found it \u201chilarious\u201d that people called me to get help, yet I couldn\u2019t help myself!<\/p>\n I got the kind of satisfaction from what I did for others that I\u2019d have gotten by working on me, which I couldn\u2019t do back then. I\u2019d listen to the same complaints over and over, give advice which they rarely took yet continue to try to fix them. Back then I wasn\u2019t in the right mind space to fix me. I felt good trying to fix everyone else. It made me feel important for a moment, though people\u2019s memories were very short and appreciation limited. But it kept my mind off of what I should have done for me.<\/p>\n Rob Reiner? said, “Everybody talks about wanting to change things and help and fix, but ultimately all you can do is fix yourself. And that’s a lot. Because if you can fix yourself, it has a ripple effect<\/strong>.”<\/p>\n I\u2019ve had a huge ripple effect from fixing me. The more I loved myself, the stronger I felt; the stronger I felt, the more I had to give to others. Self-love also motivates me to set boundaries on what I can give and also to give support by listening, expressing my thoughts and letting them fix themselves. Don\u2019t let fixing others distract you from taking care of yourself, or use it as a substitute for fixing YOU. That\u2019s what my friend was doing. After I pointed out how she neglected herself, she slowly got herself back on track by reaching out for support from people who could give it well. She still supports others but she supports herself the most.<\/p>\n People aren\u2019t projects to take on for credit. Focus on YOU so you can be your best for others. But don\u2019t try to fix anyone! Just give support and an ear when you can. It\u2019s each person\u2019s choice to fix themselves.<\/p>\n Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have a friend who had been very overweight and after years and went to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) for help. With lots of faith and support from her sponsor, she lost over 100 pounds, and kept it off. Now she\u2019s happy to give back, but it\u2019s gotten excessive. People call her all day long to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,15],"tags":[146,147],"class_list":["post-2050","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-fix-yourself","tag-support"],"yoast_head":"\n