{"id":200,"date":"2008-08-04T15:50:00","date_gmt":"2008-08-04T15:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/08\/remember-the-good-part-3.html"},"modified":"2008-08-04T15:50:00","modified_gmt":"2008-08-04T15:50:00","slug":"remember-the-good-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/08\/remember-the-good-part-3.html","title":{"rendered":"Remember the Good, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In the first post <\/a>on this topic, I talked about why it\u2019s so important to focus on the good you have NOW instead of recalling negatives from the past. In Part 2<\/a>, I explained how the past can manifest limitations in your present, with a technique for moving on from them.<\/p>\n

In this post, there are some more suggestions for letting go of the past so you can live more consciously and happily in the NOW. When I discuss the importance of living in the NOW with some of my clients who are still wounded, they argue that it\u2019s hard to let go. I agree. But making excuses for why you don\u2019t let go of misery or pain or bad habits is counterproductive to being happy<\/span>.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s YOUR CHOICE to be a victim of things that happened before right now. And it\u2019s YOUR CHOICE to move on. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat, I was also the walking wounded, battle scarred from what people did to me, or more accurately, what I let them do to me. Something innocuous that someone said or did would remind me of something that happened before, and I\u2019d often respond as if that happening again was a given. So I\u2019d be defensive and also hesitant to do a lot of things that I wanted to do. It created a lot of fear.<\/p>\n

Keeping my focus just on what\u2019s happening right NOW helps me not remember old incidents and hurts in ways that could affect me today. When I start to look back, I remind myself, sometimes out loud if I can—all that matters is right now, and right now everything is fine. Here are some things you can also do that have helped me stay in the present moment.<\/p>\n

* Make an effort to be loving to yourself. <\/span>Say \u201cI love you \u201c in the mirror. Find ways to be kinder to you. The more self-love you feel, the more you\u2019ll be motivated to cut negative ties and move forward. When you show yourself lots and lots of love, you\u2019ll heal wounds faster.<\/p>\n

* Make a list of why you want to live in the now<\/span>\u2014why it would be good for you and what you want to let go of. Really think about old situations that may contribute to your current attitude and behavior and why it hurts you. Let that motivate you to take some baby steps.<\/p>\n

* Find the lessons in old situations.<\/span> How can you handle a similar situation in a healthier way? Do you jump into relationships and then get burned shortly after? Go much slower the next time, no matter how good it feels. Maybe you gave someone too many chances. Cut them off quicker in the future. Don\u2019t trust as quickly as you used to. Make people earn it over time with actions that show their words are for real! How might your response or behavior in a situation that ended up unpleasant have contributed to the outcome? How can you avoid repeating it?<\/p>\n

* Monitor your thoughts. <\/span>What negative beliefs may have run through your head, putting the Law of Attraction to work\u2014bringing you more negatives? Consciously think more positively, even if you don\u2019t believe the thoughts\u2014yet! The more you stay aware of what you\u2019re thinking, the more you can change it. Do positive affirmations when negative thoughts arise. Since it\u2019s hard to think two thoughts at the same time, you can protect your thoughts by blocking negative with positives.<\/p>\n

* Remind yourself that you\u2019re not the person you were in the past.<\/span> I talked about how I did this to swallow pills in Part 2. It\u2019s today. You\u2019re healthier, older, wiser. You know more than you did in the past. You understand what you don\u2019t want to attract. The person you\u2019re with now isn\u2019t the one who hurt you before. You\u2019re not the child who had trouble in school or the teen who was abused. Keep reminding yourself who you are now. Consciously refuse the limitations of who you were in past situations.<\/p>\n

* Focus on the present with affirmations.<\/span> When you repeat a belief over and over it can become your reality. Try \u201cRight now is all that counts and right now I\u2019m fine.\u201d Create your own\u2014ones that have meaning for you. And use them often! Put it out to the Universe as much as you can and it will replace your old reality.<\/p>\n

* Forgive anyone who hurt you.<\/span> Forgiveness is a critical tool for moving on. I\u2019ve been able to let go of anger<\/span><\/a> by having compassion for the person who hurt me. That makes it easier to forgive. If you don\u2019t, you continue to hold the anger in and it will continue to resonate in your NOW. Forgiving isn\u2019t for the person who hurt you. It\u2019s for YOU! You don\u2019t even have to communicate with the person. Forgive in your heart and move on.<\/p>\n

* Write down everything and everyone that\u2019s hurt you in the past.<\/span> If you have many memories connected to one person or situation (like your home environment or a boss who drove you crazy) write a separate list for that. This greatly helps you forgive someone. When you put feelings on paper, you can let go of them inside. When you feel ready, read each list out loud, grieve, then burn it. Your anger will go up in the smoke. Then forgive each person in your heart.<\/p>\n

* Forgive yourself. <\/span>You may not think about forgiving the most important person of all\u2014YOU! You may beat yourself up often yet not forgive yourself for being human. I had a post about it called I\u2019m Not an Idiot, I\u2019m Silly<\/a> a while back that talks about a technique I came up with that generates instant forgiveness. To stay in the present, it\u2019s important to acknowledge that it\u2019s okay that you made mistakes or aren\u2019t perfect. That\u2019s part of being more loving to YOU!<\/p>\n

* Recite your blessings. <\/span>Say out loud what you\u2019re grateful for NOW. Write them down and hang your list as a regular reminder of the good you have NOW. When old fears and memories come up, recite your blessings as an alternative.<\/p>\n

* Get an energy clearing. <\/span>A lot of people don\u2019t know it but I\u2019m a certified Reiki (hands on healing) practitioner. I\u2019m currently studying to get to the second level with a wonderful teacher named Janet Dagley Dagley, who writes The Reiki Digest<\/span><\/a>. I just do it for personal use. As I study with Janet, I feel a huge transformation happening since I still have some DoorMat scars. I\u2019ve learned that there are a variety of ways to clear bad energy from your body. Studying Reiki or getting a treatment can help with that. There are many practitioners who can help clear negative energy.<\/p>\n

Years ago, I heard from a spiritual counselor, who\u2019d read one of my books. I mentioned I was struggling to remove a block from an old belief that I couldn\u2019t let go of. It kept me from making progress in my career. I\u2019d had several negative incidents that made me expect one to happen when something g
\nood was on the horizon. I\u2019d tried all of the above but couldn\u2019t let go of that nagging in the back of my head that warned what I hoped for wouldn\u2019t materialize. And of course, the Law of Attraction sabotaged my getting what I wanted, as per my thoughts! The spiritual counselor generously offered me a session on the phone. It opened me up to many opportunities that my subconscious blocked before that. You must be open to this kind of treatment. It truly does work when you\u2019re open to it working!<\/p>\n

Open up your consciousness so you can become more aware of self-sabotage. When I got to a point where I wanted to live for today badly enough, I did all of the above. Now I\u2019m happily living in the present moment. And in this moment, I\u2019m blessed beyond measure! He hurt me last year and that\u2019s not NOW so it doesn\u2019t matter anymore! She called me names but they\u2019re not true NOW so I don\u2019t accept them. Oprah<\/span><\/a> has a series with Eckhart Tolle<\/span>, who wrote The Power of Now<\/span><\/a>. I listened to it on a CD when I did a long driving trip and it upped my awareness by a lot. Oprah\u2019s series is free if you register. Living for right now is such a lovely place to be!<\/span> Please join me! ?<\/p>\n

Thanks to Anand Dhillon for including me in the Carnival of Self-Mastery<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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In the first post on this topic, I talked about why it\u2019s so important to focus on the good you have NOW instead of recalling negatives from the past. In Part 2, I explained how the past can manifest limitations in your present, with a technique for moving on from them. 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