{"id":1935,"date":"2011-09-16T12:01:07","date_gmt":"2011-09-16T16:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=1935"},"modified":"2011-07-23T23:39:56","modified_gmt":"2011-07-24T03:39:56","slug":"would-you-cross-in-the-middle-of-the-street","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/09\/would-you-cross-in-the-middle-of-the-street.html","title":{"rendered":"Would You Cross in the Middle of the Street?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>One of my neighbors left the store when I did. I was in a bit of a hurry to get home but didn\u2019t want to seem rude so I walked along with her since it was a short distance. We were in between 2 streets when the traffic light changed for the avenue we had to cross. I knew that at the pace we were going, we wouldn\u2019t get to the corner on time. So I jokingly said, \u201cYou\u2019re okay with crossing here, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Wrong! She looked at me with shock and said that you\u2019re supposed to cross at the corner. When I told her everyone crosses wherever they are when the light changes, she looked very disturbed and said, \u201cNot me! I cross at the corner like you’re supposed to.\u201d I told her I had to get home and couldn\u2019t wait for another light and off I went. As I thought about it, I realized she is also pretty uptight about other things. She’s told me that even though we have 5 days leeway, she kills herself to get her rent in on the 1st of the month, since that\u2019s when it\u2019s due. And if something happens that makes her a day late, she feels guilty.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve learned that a rigid adherence to everything exactly as you were told to reflects a rigid outlook on life, which can limit the kind of joy you can have.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not advocating breaking laws indiscriminately. But in NYC, jaywalking is part of our culture. It might not be a good thing elsewhere but everyone jaywalks here. This is a walking city and we walk where there are no cars. To get anywhere fast one must cross when the light allows. When I crossed in the middle after my neighbor refused to, not one car came. It was easy to cross. Sometimes I do dodge cars but I\u2019m used to it and it\u2019s rarely a problem.<\/p>\n

I later asked the neighbor if she was nervous about crossing in the middle. \u201cOh no\u201d she said and knew it was pretty safe. She\u2019s a bit older than me so she\u2019s been in NYC for a long time, and is used to seeing everyone cross when they can. She also waits for the light to turn green, even when no cars are coming and others are going across. She said she crosses at corners with green lights because that\u2019s what you\u2019re \u201csupposed to\u201d do.<\/p>\n

\u201cSupposed to\u201d beliefs can get you into patterns that make you miss out on good stuff and get stuck in behavior that doesn\u2019t serve you best.<\/p>\n

Again, I don\u2019t advocate being a rebel and breaking laws as a lifestyle. But you don\u2019t always need a green light to do something you want to do. I discovered my neighbor is scared of a lot of things. Her head is filled with \u201csupposed to\u2019s\u201d and \u201cnot supposed to\u2019s.\u201d Those kinds of beliefs reinforced my being a DoorMat for so many years. I was \u201csupposed to\u201d be nice to everyone, even at my own expense. I was \u201csupposed to\u201d hold my anger in and not protest poor behavior directed at me.<\/p>\n

When you believe that you\u2019re not \u201csupposed to\u201d to do a lot of things, your world can get smaller than it should be.<\/p>\n

When years ago my students dared me to make a rap record, saying a white woman couldn\u2019t rap, I was so starved for a creative endeavor that I became determined to prove them wrong. I didn\u2019t want the kids to grow up thinking your color or sex could stop you. The only thing that can stop you is YOU!\u00a0 So I learned how to rap, became the first white female rapper, and ended up starting a record label. Doing it was very organic. If I\u2019d tried to plan in advance, I\u2019d probably have decided that I wasn\u2019t \u201csupposed to\u201d make a rap record. But I did! And it began the foundation of my better self-esteem, since I succeeded.<\/p>\n

While you don\u2019t have to cross in the middle of the street, become aware of things you do simply because you learned that you\u2019re not \u201csupposed to.\u201d Look for one small rule to not take so literally. Take a small risk. Try something new. If I hadn\u2019t taken the dare to rap I\u2019d probably still be an unhappy DoorMat. Doing it triggered my courage to reinvent myself. Ask yourself who says you\u2019re not \u201csupposed to\u201d do what it is you\u2019d like to do.<\/p>\n

Trying to do everything according to rules and \u201csupposed to\u2019s\u201d limit your vision about what you\u2019re capable of doing.<\/strong> In a way, it\u2019s seeking perfection\u2014striving to be a good girl or guy. I\u2019ve learned that breaking rules is fun, especially when they were made by people who didn\u2019t have my best interest or enjoyment of life in mind. Do something just a little left of center for your typical behavior today.<\/strong> It can loosen you up to discovering a new way of life!
\n*********************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of my neighbors left the store when I did. I was in a bit of a hurry to get home but didn\u2019t want to seem rude so I walked along with her since it was a short distance. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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