{"id":1907,"date":"2011-07-18T12:01:41","date_gmt":"2011-07-18T16:01:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=1907"},"modified":"2011-07-16T23:42:45","modified_gmt":"2011-07-17T03:42:45","slug":"staying-strong-when-it-hurts-to-take-a-stand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/staying-strong-when-it-hurts-to-take-a-stand.html","title":{"rendered":"Staying Strong When It Hurts to Take a Stand"},"content":{"rendered":"

Letting go of old habits and people can be painful but it\u2019s often necessary when you\u2019re moving forward to leave DoorMatville and empower yourself. After my post on Monday, Baby Steppin\u2019 to Bigger Success<\/strong><\/a>, a reader commented that she\u2019s working her way out of DoorMatville and standing up for herself after being in an up and down relationship for nine years.<\/p>\n

The reader says it hurts. She still loves the person but she\u2019s finally faced that she deserves better. Knowing what you have to do, whether it\u2019s setting strong boundaries or ending the relationship completely, doesn’t make doing it any easier. The reader said the baby steps are killing her. While baby steps are small, they\u2019re often hard, especially when they lead you away from someone you love, or at the relationship as it\u2019s been for years. But I can assure you that those steps will lead to happiness in the long run<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Painful steps lead to soothing healing. The other side of the pain is worth taking the steps.<\/p>\n

I know this from personal experience. The first time I stood up for me was with my first love after getting divorced. He was sexy, cute and fun. He was also mentally unbalanced and put me through an emotional hell that almost destroyed me. But I needed the other stuff I got so I tolerated much too much to get some delicious bits. Eventually I decided it wasn\u2019t worth putting up with his unfair accusations, mood swings, being unreliable and more. And I ended it.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t over. He\u2019d call and I\u2019d hope he\u2019d change so we could get back together. I missed him like crazy. It hurt so much because I was scared I\u2019d never find another guy who could compare to his good qualities. Eventually it hit me that even with the pain of missing him, I was more peaceful and content without him putting me through the wringer. Realizing that helped me to heal and I vowed never to make anyone so important that I\u2019d fall apart if they were no longer in my life. I wrote a song called Never Again<\/em> and put it out on my record label. It became a club hit!<\/p>\n

It took 2 years to completely get over this guy but I learned from it! A few years later I was seeing a guy I liked a lot. We\u2019d been friends for a year and got along really well. But he had issues from his past that triggered behavior that I didn\u2019t like. I knew where it came from but that still didn\u2019t make it right. While most things between us were wonderful, the issue stuff brought on behavior that was unacceptable. By then I was completely out of DoorMatville and full of self-love. When the final straw dropped, I ended it.<\/p>\n

But this time, instead of focusing on the loss, I focused on the gain of my self-respect and how empowered I felt doing what was best for me. I felt elated, not hurt!<\/p>\n

Breaking up with him motivated me to write my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise<\/a>. While he was the catalyst, the lessons came from the first guy I talked about. Feeling empowered about letting go showed the lessons worked and I wanted to share with other women! When you let go of someone you care about, whether it\u2019s a romantic partner or friend or family member, and you wonder if you\u2019ll ever get over it, work out those feelings.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Write down every painful thing the person ever did\u2014every little detail of how he or she did you wrong. Read it when you feel weak as fuel to stay strong and know you did the right thing. I hung my list in my bedroom and it helped me keep my resolve to not go back with him and to heal.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Keep reminding yourself that you ended it because you love yourself enough not to tolerate poor treatment. Stoke feelings of empowerment to override the sadness. You took control and that\u2019s powerful!<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Find the good in letting go and write it down. Say it out loud. \u201cI have more time for me without____ around.\u201d Like the words in Kelly Clarkson\u2019s song, \u201cSince you\u2019ve been gone. I can breathe for the first time.\u201d When I ended it with the first boyfriend, I felt like that. I was always on edge when we were together so it was nice to feel relaxed and do as I pleased.<\/p>\n

\u2022\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Repeat affirmations such as, \u201cI deserve better than _____ and love myself for ending it.\u201d \u201cClose one door and another one opens.\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s someone much better coming into my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

It does get easier. The beginning is the hardest. But loving yourself enough to hang in gets you through. Taking the baby steps away from someone not good for you shows the Universe that your intention is to be with someone who treats you well and you won\u2019t tolerate less anymore. Keep giving yourself love and the pain will slowly ease.
\n*********************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Letting go of old habits and people can be painful but it\u2019s often necessary when you\u2019re moving forward to leave DoorMatville and empower yourself. After my post on Monday, Baby Steppin\u2019 to Bigger Success, a reader commented that she\u2019s working her way out of DoorMatville and standing up for herself after being in an up…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2,15],"tags":[117,88],"class_list":["post-1907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-breaking-up","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\nStaying Strong When It Hurts to Take a Stand - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/staying-strong-when-it-hurts-to-take-a-stand.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Staying Strong When It Hurts to Take a Stand - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Letting go of old habits and people can be painful but it\u2019s often necessary when you\u2019re moving forward to leave DoorMatville and empower yourself. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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