Years ago I had a friend I\u2019ll call Lori, who was a parrot for her boyfriend\u2019s beliefs, which I often disagreed with. He had staunch views on politics, which were the opposite of mine. Before meeting this guy, Lori didn\u2019t have many opinions. But she was so enamored with him that she allowed herself to be brainwashed in some ways. Lori argued with me about politics in ways that almost killed our friendship. It felt like her vehement shouting of her beliefs were an act of love to this man. I\u2019d try to avoid politics but she\u2019d bring it up.<\/p>\n
You own your thoughts. It\u2019s your choice to think your own way or adopt someone else\u2019s beliefs and opinions. <\/strong><\/p>\n Often our strongest thoughts are someone else\u2019s, because we care about them or are too scared to have our own opinions. When I was a DoorMat my opinions were rarely my own. If asked what I thought, I\u2019d ask back, \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d That usually became what I thought! I was too scared to voice my real thoughts, when I had them. Often I didn\u2019t get that far. I was too focused on what others thought so they\u2019d like me.<\/p>\n Going along with others causes you to lose your voice, like I did, and has many repercussions. It kept me from developing good self-esteem. It\u2019s hard to feel good about yourself if you don\u2019t know who you really are. Adopting what others think also keeps you from developing your ability to consider issues objectively and ponder about what you actually want. Insecurity is a common trigger. If you\u2019re brought up to be liked, as I was, and don\u2019t feel confident about yourself, it seems safer to just agree with everyone. When Lori\u2019s boyfriend completely reversed his political opinion, she seemed lost.<\/p>\n Women tend to start going along with others when they\u2019re young more than boys. Years ago when I worked with kids at a summer recreation program, I noticed that until age 9 or 10, the girls enthusiastically participated in activities they liked. After that, activities become more \u201cwe\u201d than \u201cI\u201d. When the groups had a choice of activities, they asked each other, \u201cWhat do you want to do?\u201d Usually there was one or 2 confident girls who had no problem deciding and everyone else went along. These kids could have split up to do a few activities but it rarely happened.\u00a0 I saw it happen with boys who weren\u2019t as good at sports too. They were too insecure to choose independently of the others.<\/p>\n Childhood habits of suppressing your own voice get stronger in adulthood if insecurities don\u2019t heal.<\/p>\n Think about whose beliefs are yours?<\/strong> Do you have preferences based on what YOU would like or do you go along with other people? Often we can do the latter without realizing it when pleasing is so ingrained. In my DoorMat days, I thought I was giving my opinion since I automatically absorbed what others said. When I left DoorMatville, it hit me that I didn\u2019t know how to think for myself, which is so important for your self-empowerment. I got a kick at first from exploring my real opinions and desires.<\/p>\n Having your own thoughts reflects self-confidence and feels better in the long run.<\/strong><\/p>\n This was illustrated to me once when I had a dinner date with a guy I\u2019d just met. When he picked me up, he suggested going for Mexican food. While I do like it, I wasn\u2019t in the mood for to eat Mexican. I caught myself before agreeing to it, as I\u2019d always done in the past. I liked the guy and wanted to please him. But now I loved me, and wanted to be pleased too! So I told him I\u2019d prefer something else. I expected an annoyed response but instead, his eyes lit up as he said, \u201cNo woman has ever expressed to me what she\u2019d like. They always go along with what I suggest. I find you even more attractive for having an opinion and telling me.\u201d<\/p>\n I was elated but it also showed me that my needs can be accepted without a problem. If you tend to go along with others, pay attention to your thoughts and think about what you\u2019d really like. Slowly speak up, to one person at a time. Get comfortable with saying what YOU think instead of repeating the opinions of others or agreeing to go places that aren\u2019t your choice.<\/strong> The more you do, the more empowered you\u2019ll feel! Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Years ago I had a friend I\u2019ll call Lori, who was a parrot for her boyfriend\u2019s beliefs, which I often disagreed with. He had staunch views on politics, which were the opposite of mine. Before meeting this guy, Lori didn\u2019t have many opinions. But she was so enamored with him that she allowed herself to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[88],"class_list":["post-1797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-self-empowerment"],"yoast_head":"\n
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