{"id":1744,"date":"2011-07-21T12:01:59","date_gmt":"2011-07-21T16:01:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=1744"},"modified":"2011-06-20T22:25:52","modified_gmt":"2011-06-21T02:25:52","slug":"shift-your-gears-before-you-make-a-mistake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/shift-your-gears-before-you-make-a-mistake.html","title":{"rendered":"Shift Your Gears Before You Make a Mistake"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I\u2019m delighted to have Peter D Demarest<\/strong><\/a> as my guest today. Peter is the co-author of Answering The Central Question<\/a><\/strong> and a co-founder and President of Axiogenics, a company that develops and delivers cutting-edge, science-based services that identify and unleash the best in people, maximize success, and improve quality of life in all measures.<\/p>\n

Through research and development, he discovered the profound connection between axiology (value science) and neuroscience (brain science) and has spent more than 7 years researching, developing, and testing the technology. Today, he is considered the world\u2019s leading pioneer in the field of applied neuro-axiology. As a coach, facilitator, consultant, trainer, and speaker, he and his partners are bringing the message of The Central Question and the power of neuro-axiology to people and organizations worldwide. Below he shares how to catch yourself from making mistakes and becoming using his techniques to become more empowered.<\/p>\n

How to Stop Screwing Up and Start Strengthening Up<\/strong>
\nBy <\/strong>Peter D Demarest<\/strong><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Can we have an honest conversation about screwing up. Let\u2019s face it, we\u2019re not perfect. We screw up. Some of us more than others.<\/p>\n

Really, now. Don\u2019t you hate that moment when you realize that you just screwed up\u2026again? Sure, some people try to put a nice spin on their screw-ups and call them \u201clearning opportunities\u201d or use a cavalier excuse like \u201cOh well, I did the best I could.\u201d That\u2019s all well and good IF you actually learn from your mistakes and don\u2019t keep repeating them. And isn\u2019t it true that we usually only discover our mistakes and screw-ups only after the damage is done?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, that\u2019s assuming you ever admit you might have made a mistake, made a poor choice, or reacted poorly at all. Quite often, rather than being accountable to ourselves, we simple blame others or other circumstances. So what if we could recognize a \u201cpending\u201d screw-up and make a shift in thinking before it\u2019s too late or more damage is done?<\/strong> Better yet, what if we could make better use of the strengths and wisdom we already have to make better choices, take better actions, and react in ways that are healthier to start with?<\/p>\n

Thanks to some recent discoveries in the emerging field of applied neuro-axiology, I can give you a very simple technique that can help you do exactly that. In fact, if you can maintain a little bit of self-awareness, especially in stressful situations, this technique will empower you in ways you may never have experienced before.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Here it is\u2026 (Drum-roll please)\u2026 All you need to do is to start asking yourself \u201cThe Central Question of Life, Love, and Leadership:<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat choice can I make and action can I take, ?in this moment, to create the greatest net value?<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s it. (Cymbal crash, and wild applause, please). Ok, I know it sounds simple. But now, let\u2019s dig into some of the science so you can understand why this question is so enormously powerful. What I will share with you now is a very basic, layman\u2019s introduction to a very complex science (which you don\u2019t really need to know the details of anyway).<\/p>\n

First, it\u2019s common sense that the basic difference between a \u201cmistake\u201d and a \u201csuccess\u201d is that screw-ups don\u2019t add much value to life (and often take value away) while successes do add value. Now \u201cvalue\u201d can take many forms: good feelings, making a sale, completing a worthwhile task, helping someone in need, avoiding pain, learning something new, getting a job, resolving a conflict, etc.)<\/p>\n

So the goal is to make choices, and take actions, and react to things in ways that create greater net value and goodness. <\/strong>The question you may be tempted to ask is \u201cAdds greater net value for whom?\u201d The answer is, for everyone concerned and with all things considered \u2013 all the pros and cons. What we\u2019ve discovered is that most screw-ups result from one of two things: a poor value judgment in general or an overly self-centric agenda.<\/p>\n

Ironically, most poor value judgments are actually the result of self-centric agendas\/priorities (what\u2019s in it for me), and self-centric agendas\/priorities are the result of poor value judgments. Then, the more we screw-up the more we inadvertently and sometimes unknowingly spiral into a deeper self-centric mode. Can you see how it can put us into an endless cycle?<\/p>\n

The Central Question breaks the cycle and can even reverse it.<\/p>\n

Success, is not about the value you get. It\u2019s about the value you create and The Central Question automatically helps you tap into your natural strengths and wisdom<\/strong>. It\u2019s not about fixing weaknesses, positive thinking, fake-it-till-you-make-it, self-deception, or getting yourself to do things you don\u2019t want to do.<\/p>\n

It turns out that everything we tend to consider as a weakness also tends to be associated with self-centric thinking and that our true strengths, the ways in which we have the most clarity and wisdom, are the ways of thinking that are more value-centric. We know from neuroscience that the mind-brain has a strong predisposition to do whatever it perceives will create the greatest net value so if we start thinking in value creation\u2014value-centric terms, we naturally start using our greater strengths.<\/p>\n

With deliberate practice over time, our strengths get stronger and weaknesses get weaker (stop causing us to screw up). We get better and better at answering The Central Question. We become more self-empowered, self-confident, and effective. We start to discover even greater meaning, purpose and synergy with the world around us. We experience more joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. We achieve more success in every aspect of life. We screw-up less, which means less stress, struggle, conflict, overwhelm, imbalance, and frustration. Here are three ways you can start using the central question right now.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Set your overall intention<\/strong> for each day or hour by asking yourself The Central Question when you wake up and every hour on the hour.
\n2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maximize your mindfulness<\/strong> and whenever you catch yourself feeling any kind of stress, frustration, upset, procrastination, defensiveness rising in your emotions, simple ask yourself The Central Question.
\n3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At the end of each day, ask yourself<\/strong>, \u201cWhat choices did I make and actions did I take, today, that created greater net value than yesterday? (Note: The \u2018yesterday part is important because it helps your develop and grow.)<\/p>\n

I can promise you, if you do any of one of these simple three things, it will have an significant impact on your life. Do all three, and it will amaze you. If you screw-up (which you still will), don\u2019t beat yourself up, just ask the question again and reclaim your power and freedom.
\n**************<\/p>\n

Check out Peter D Demarest<\/strong><\/a> and his book, Answering <\/strong>Answering The Central Question<\/a><\/strong>.
\n*************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m delighted to have Peter D Demarest as my guest today. Peter is the co-author of Answering The Central Question and a co-founder and President of Axiogenics, a company that develops and delivers cutting-edge, science-based services that identify and unleash the best in people, maximize success, and improve quality of life in all measures. Through…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[90,89],"class_list":["post-1744","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-axiology","tag-peter-d-demarest"],"yoast_head":"\nShift Your Gears Before You Make a Mistake - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/shift-your-gears-before-you-make-a-mistake.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Shift Your Gears Before You Make a Mistake - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019m delighted to have Peter D Demarest as my guest today. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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