{"id":1734,"date":"2011-06-27T12:01:41","date_gmt":"2011-06-27T16:01:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=1734"},"modified":"2011-06-20T12:50:27","modified_gmt":"2011-06-20T16:50:27","slug":"question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html","title":{"rendered":"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A reader asked in a comment, how could her daughter say she liked being treated like crap? She and her brother use it as an excuse to treat Mom poorly and she wants to change it. How could they say that? How can she stop it?<\/p>\n

The first thing to do if you feel someone is treating you poorly\u2014take responsibility for allowing it! No one can do anything to you that you don\u2019t allow. When you don\u2019t stop people who treat you poorly, your silence tells them it\u2019s okay to continue<\/strong>. People can use your acceptance of bad behavior as an excuse that you must like it or you\u2019d change your response and put a stop to it. Not speaking up allows people to keep on treating you poorly.<\/p>\n

To alleviate what might be guilt for doing it, people shelling out the bad behavior might convince themselves you like it if you don’t stop them. Most people are good inside and know right from wrong. But for some, taking advantage of people who readily allow themselves to be victims and give themselves away is pleasurable.<\/strong> And they see your letting them do what they do as YOUR choice, however wrong that is.<\/p>\n

How do you stop people from treating you poorly? Don\u2019t accept it. Period!<\/p>\n

Okay, that\u2019s not as easy as I said it. Stopping behavior you\u2019ve always had can be hard. I know because I did it. Saying “no” to requests is scary. Telling people to speak to you with more respect takes courage. Often the ones treating you poorly are people you want in your life, like the reader\u2019s children. Speaking up risks alienating someone. But in the reader\u2019s case, it\u2019s especially important for her to show her kids she expects to be treated with respect so she can be a better role model. In any case, you DESERVE to be treated well!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Stopping old patterns begins with starting to treat yourself more lovingly.<\/p>\n

You might have to take the bad behavior for a while as you make yourself stronger with self-love. The more good you do for you, the better you feel. The better you feel, the more good stuff you\u2019ll do for you and self-love begins to grow. The more you love yourself and value your right to be treated well, the less crap you\u2019ll accept.<\/strong> As you build a stronger foundation for self-love, it gets easier to turn down requests or walk away from people who disrespect you.<\/p>\n

I learned the hard way that NO ONE, not even your family members or spouse or best friend, has the right to make you feel bad. NO ONE! <\/strong><\/p>\n

And you have the power to stop them by changing your response. Love yourself enough to take a stand and say NO MORE! <\/strong>Do it slowly if that feels comfortable. Become aware of what people do that you don\u2019t like and begin to let them know their behavior is unacceptable. Some people will actually get it and stop without a fuss. Others may need to be shown when you say \u201cno\u201d or walk away when they talk to you poorly. Continue to do loving things for you to reinforce that you must stand up to them.<\/p>\n

Read my book to get more ideas for how to give yourself love and check out posts on this blog to get more suggestions for standing up for yourself. You can CHOOSE to stop bad behavior or CHOOSE to allow it! Put some time into thinking about which choice you want. When you decide to stop it, slowly do so with your response. It\u2019s usually scarier to think about it than to do it and the results make it well worth trying!
\n*********************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader asked in a comment, how could her daughter say she liked being treated like crap? She and her brother use it as an excuse to treat Mom poorly and she wants to change it. How could they say that? How can she stop it? The first thing to do if you feel someone…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,2,15],"tags":[44,88,27],"class_list":["post-1734","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-questions-answered","category-self-empowerment-confidence","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-doormat-syndrome","tag-self-empowerment","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nQuestion: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader asked in a comment, how could her daughter say she liked being treated like crap? She and her brother use it as an excuse to treat Mom poorly and she wants to change it. How could they say that? How can she stop it? The first thing to do if you feel someone…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-06-27T16:01:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-06-20T16:50:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"A reader asked in a comment, how could her daughter say she liked being treated like crap? She and her brother use it as an excuse to treat Mom poorly and she wants to change it. How could they say that? How can she stop it? The first thing to do if you feel someone…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2011-06-27T16:01:41+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-06-20T16:50:27+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html","name":"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly? - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg","datePublished":"2011-06-27T16:01:41+00:00","dateModified":"2011-06-20T16:50:27+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/07\/Question-Mark-fuschia-thumb-good.thumb-199x199-15011-thumb-199x199-15012-thumb-199x199-15084-thumb-199x199-20019-thumb-199x199-21153.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/06\/question-why-does-my-daughter-say-i-like-to-be-treated-poorly.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Question: Why Does My Daughter Say I Like To Be Treated Poorly?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1734"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1736,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1734\/revisions\/1736"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}