{"id":1705,"date":"2011-07-22T12:01:51","date_gmt":"2011-07-22T16:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?p=1705"},"modified":"2011-07-13T12:54:41","modified_gmt":"2011-07-13T16:54:41","slug":"why-people-run-when-life-is-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html","title":{"rendered":"Why People Run When Life is Good"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Have you ever gotten close to someone, whether for romance or just friendship, and everything was going along perfectly when they disappeared? It\u2019s happened to me several times. Women especially complain about this phenomenon in relationship to a guy they were dating, as I have. I used to wonder why so many men run when they get involved with a woman they really life, who treats them well, and happiness is flowing. I\u2019ve studied this and now understand it.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a saying, \u201cWater seeks its own level.\u201d On a parallel level, people attract people they\u2019re used to, whether they\u2019re good or not.<\/p>\n

And they repel people who make them happy if they\u2019re not used to it, as illogical as it may seem to leave someone who\u2019s good to them. Sadly being with someone healthy can feel outside their comfort zone. When you\u2019re used to a partner who doesn\u2019t treat you well or has unacceptable behavior, you build defenses to deal with it, so it feels comfortable on some levels to handle behavior you\u2019re used to, however uncomfortable the behavior is. Often we attract negative people if we don\u2019t believe we deserve better or we grew up experiencing parents or other people hurting each other and think that\u2019s the norm.<\/p>\n

People who are used to dysfunction attract it and can’t handle healthy situations. This is true of both men and women who are used to unhappy relationships.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve encountered this with several men who\u2019ve mainly been in relationships with women who were not loving or kind. I once got involved with a guy who read my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise<\/strong><\/a>, and thought it made a lot of sense. We talked about how he related personally to many of the things I said. His ex-wife had been beautiful but cold, as were girlfriends before her. We discussed how scared he must be to fall for a healthy, caring woman since he\u2019d never felt sincere love and warmth from any he\u2019d been with. He tended to bury himself in work when he began to get close to someone and acknowledged that he contributed to the lack of warmth.<\/p>\n

He swore he was determined to change with me. I told him to reread the section in my book about men who run as we got closer. It didn\u2019t help. Right after he shared how happy I made him, he began to pick on me in ways that were unfair and irrational. He couldn\u2019t handle being with a healthy, warm, and loving woman and continued to say hurtful things until I ended it. And the guy who motivated me write my book, All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise<\/strong><\/a>, actually admitted he did things to make me angry so I\u2019d pull back since he couldn\u2019t. He was falling for me hard but felt I was too good for him. This guy had only dysfunctional relationships on every level, especially in his family growing up.<\/p>\n

We seek what we\u2019re used to, unless we make a conscious decision to change the pattern, whether it\u2019s to run when things get good or be attracted to the type that runs.<\/p>\n

Now when I meet a guy and find out he\u2019s bitter about past romantic partners, I do a 180 and wish him well. While anything is possible and perhaps with LOTS of patience I might get through, after several of these guys I have no more patience. It happens with friends too. When you\u2019re used to having unsupportive friends, it can be hard to get close to someone healthy. The person might feel too insecure to get close or be scared of falling too hard or becoming too vulnerable. Unhealthy people are harder to get close to so they may feel safer.<\/p>\n

Whether you\u2019re the one they run from or the one who runs, be aware if it happens. Ask yourself why you attract people who run or why you sabotage good relationships. Fear can be very irrational. When you pay attention, you might be able to change how you respond to situations or the kind of people you attract to have more satisfying friends and romantic partners in your life.
\n*********************<\/p>\n

Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a><\/strong>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever gotten close to someone, whether for romance or just friendship, and everything was going along perfectly when they disappeared? It\u2019s happened to me several times. Women especially complain about this phenomenon in relationship to a guy they were dating, as I have. I used to wonder why so many men run when…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[107,108],"class_list":["post-1705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-love-acceptance","tag-fear-of-commitment","tag-protecting-emotions"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy People Run When Life is Good - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why People Run When Life is Good - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Have you ever gotten close to someone, whether for romance or just friendship, and everything was going along perfectly when they disappeared? It\u2019s happened to me several times. Women especially complain about this phenomenon in relationship to a guy they were dating, as I have. I used to wonder why so many men run when…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-07-22T16:01:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-07-13T16:54:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Why People Run When Life is Good - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Why People Run When Life is Good - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"Have you ever gotten close to someone, whether for romance or just friendship, and everything was going along perfectly when they disappeared? It\u2019s happened to me several times. Women especially complain about this phenomenon in relationship to a guy they were dating, as I have. I used to wonder why so many men run when…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html","og_site_name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","article_published_time":"2011-07-22T16:01:51+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-07-13T16:54:41+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html","name":"Why People Run When Life is Good - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2011-07-22T16:01:51+00:00","dateModified":"2011-07-13T16:54:41+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/files\/2011\/06\/running-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2011\/07\/why-people-run-when-life-is-good.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Why People Run When Life is Good"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/","name":"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Daylle Deanna Schwartz","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/4250884f68a588907744baa491f9df35","name":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/83b\/83ba6e1423377712fe408a5fab971bfax96.jpg","caption":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz"},"description":"Daylle Deanna Schwartz is a speaker, self-empowerment counselor, best-selling author of 15 books, including Nice Girls Can Finish First (McGraw-Hill), All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise and founder of The Self-Love Movement\u2122 where she's giving away her 13th book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start & Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. Daylle uses her writing and speaking to help others find the kind of contentment and empowerment that she has.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/author\/dschwartz"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1705"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1705\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1868,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1705\/revisions\/1868"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}