{"id":168,"date":"2008-12-11T14:25:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-11T14:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment.html"},"modified":"2008-12-11T14:25:00","modified_gmt":"2008-12-11T14:25:00","slug":"law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment.html","title":{"rendered":"Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>This is the 17th post in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay\u2019s <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/exec\/obidos\/ASIN\/B000Y04R96\/daylledeannaschw\"><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">You Can Heal Your Life<\/span><\/a>, the movie, expanded version.  You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SUFpnPbbOrI\/AAAAAAAAArc\/IlsqFrlxzGg\/s1600-h\/*+Louise+Hay+DVD.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" style=\"margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt;float: left;cursor: pointer;width: 200px;height: 200px\" src=\"https:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SUFpnPbbOrI\/AAAAAAAAArc\/IlsqFrlxzGg\/s200\/*+Louise+Hay+DVD.jpg\" alt=\"\" border=\"0\" \/><\/a> I recently heard from Rob (name changed), a regular reader of my blog who said he definitely was a doormat but aspired \u201cto become a recovering doormat and finally a recovered doormat!!\u201d <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">He said:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-style: italic\">I was repeatedly treated unfairly at work, shouted at etc. but never had the courage to speak up. One day I abruptly left my dream job (not the best way to leave a job) and my career just started going downhill. I did not leave in the best possible way, spoke up angrily against the person who tormented me. He was senior and more powerful. It back fired and I lost all connections with my previous employer and to add fuel to the fire, this person got promoted!!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-style: italic\">Now things are getting better. But I always have a feeling of loss, feeling of guilt (why didn&#8217;t I speak up sooner or leave silently), just a feeling of emptiness, embarrassment etc. I get very conscious when I bump into my co-workers from my previous job. I just feel that I am not the same person I used to be. I feel part of me died in the process. I want to get better. I am trying hard and just wanted to let you know that your blogs help me a lot.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I responded to Rob but said I\u2019d write a longer response here. His situation is very common. You get angry at ongoing situations or treatment at work, or by family or neighbors or a romantic partner, etc. but don\u2019t speak up, while stewing silently.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Silence tells the Law of Attraction that the treatment someone gives you is okay. <\/span>Then it comes back to you with more treatment that you know really isn\u2019t okay.<\/p>\n<p>Each time you\u2019re treated unfairly, a bit more anger builds up. Rob may have reached the boiling point when he abruptly left his \u201cdream job.\u201d Anger buildup fosters poor judgment. It\u2019s hard to see clearly through the haze of feelings it creates.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">So he burned bridges by speaking up with his anger, instead of rationally and politely explaining how he felt.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Was that unhappy situation really Rob\u2019s \u201cdream job\u201d? We don\u2019t dream about being treated unfairly or feeling lousy or unappreciated or shouted at, at work. Some of this dream sounds more like a nightmare! There\u2019s more to a dream job than just the actual position. I have clients who defend staying because it\u2019s what they want to do. So they put up with a disrespectful boss, a stressful work environment, hours that are too long to see their families, and more, just to stay in that \u201cdream job.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Leaving a bad situation is good! When you think of it as empowering, it empowers you.<\/span> When you beat yourself up for doing it, that\u2019s the energy you attract.<\/p>\n<p>Staying in a job with very negative factors, despite doing work you want to do, is similar to being in a relationship and settling for a partner because he makes you feel complete or is a good financial provider; or she\u2019s great in bed or everyone thinks you have the perfect partner because she\u2019s attractive and a model housekeeper. But if the loving connection that solidifies a good relationship isn\u2019t there, other factors won\u2019t compensate in the long run. Or if he or she is abusive or nasty or controlling or treats you ike a DoorMat, you\u2019re settling to be in a relationship.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the same with work. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">While you can\u2019t have it all, if your job is what you like doing but the environment is negative or aggravating or toxic, it\u2019s time to leave!<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Rob focused too much on the importance of being in that \u201cdream job.\u201d But it\u2019s not a dream if you\u2019re not happy in it. It\u2019s frustrating to love the work but not like how you\u2019re treated. It\u2019s like finding a perfect apartment after looking for ages BUT, the neighbor above you clomps around, disturbing your sleep and peace of mind. Despite all the perks of your living space, you\u2019re not happy from the noise.<\/p>\n<p>If speaking up politely doesn\u2019t change your situation, it\u2019s time to move!<\/p>\n<p>I prefer to speak up first, but nicely, not in a confrontational way. When my upstairs neighbor was noisy, I nicely explained, consistently, how it affected me. His family quieted down. Talk to people at work if things aren\u2019t right. If your boss is unfair, go to him with a list of specific grievances, and a smile. But if none of this works, wake up from your dream and leave. Rob waited for his breaking point. It\u2019s better to leave on good terms.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">But, if you do leave after mishandling the situation like Rob did, get rid of the anger and remorse. It\u2019s OVER!! <\/span>NOW is all that matters and now you have new choices.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re living in the past if you wallow in regret, since you can\u2019t change it. Why let it hold you back or hurt yourself more than you already were? That\u2019s YOUR CHOICE, not a sentence! It\u2019s always best to go forward instead of looking back. Otherwise, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">you can beat yourself up with thoughts like<\/span>:<\/p>\n<p>* \u201dWhy did I do that?\u201d<br \/>* \u201dThat was so stupid of me\u201d<br \/>* \u201dHow I wish I could undo what I did!\u201d<br \/>* \u201dMaybe it would be different if I\u2019d\u2026\u2026\u201d<br \/>* \u201dNow I\u2019m screwed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, the Universe picks up on these thoughts and guess what you get back?!? More of the same thoughts and bad vibes.  Looking back with what ifs and regret and wishing you\u2019d done things differently is wasted energy. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">LEARN from mistakes instead of beating yourself up. Ask:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">How did I speak to the person I alientated?<\/span> LESSON: \u201cI must force myself to speak more politely next time.\u201d Letting anger motivate your tone creates remorse after. You may have momentary relief at releasing anger, resentment and frustration. But it will turn into thoughts that will bring you down.<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">What did I say that caused a problem?<\/span> LESSON: \u201cI must think and plan before I speak out in a situation that\u2019s important.\u201d Anger creates evil thoughts at the moment it gets unleashed. And it makes you irrational\u2014saying what will later make you look back and think, \u201cwhat the heck did I do?\u201d If you write down your feelings and figure out words to express them, you can get your point across in more effective ways that eliminate a need to kick yourself in the butt later!<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">What\u2019s making me most angry?<\/span> LESSON: \u201cI must figure out what\u2019s truly causing my anger and address that.\u201d Sometimes you may express what really isn\u2019t the direct cause of your anger. Or you may explode at something insignificant because a bigger issue gnaws at you. Take time to figure out what\u2019s so annoying. Does your boss remind you of a controlling father or romantic partner who criticizes? Or are you angry at yourself for allowing unacceptable behavior to continue for too long?<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Once you see the LESSONS in the behavior you regret, let it go and focus<br \/>\non moving forward to make your situation good.<\/span> Rob still suffers from residuals of leaving his \u201cdream job.\u201d That only results in feeling bad and prevents the Law of Attraction from bringing the good opportunities he deserves. You all deserve the best and would get it if you accept it! I now have. When I was a DoorMat, my thoughts attracted poor treatment and experiences.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">It\u2019s hard to feel good if you always feel wrong on some level.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Now that I\u2019ve recovered, I know my worth and EXPECT to have good things happen. The Law of Attraction responds with them. And so to Rob, and all of you who still have this kind of problem, <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">I recommend taking the steps to heal any wounds from guilt or remorse about past mistakes or ill-advised actions:<\/span><\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Let go of anger.<\/span> Rob is still angry. The guy who provoked him got a promotion while his life fell apart. But that\u2019s history. Write a letter to the person with every detail about how your feel, express forgiveness, read it aloud and then burn it. When you let go of the anger, you attract more positives. I discuss this in my post, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/01\/trading-anger-for-joy-with-compassion.html\">Trading Anger for Compassion<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Express gratitude for the good lesson.<\/span> Learning is ALWAYS good! Feel gratitude that you\u2019re more enlightened now. Gratitude attracts more things to be grateful for.<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Adjust any guilt or remorse you feel.<\/span> IT\u2019S OVER and serves no purpose! Accept that it\u2019s impossible to go back and change what happened. Read my Lightening Guilt <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/02\/lightening-guiltpart-1.html\">Part 1<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/03\/lightening-guiltpart-2.html\">Part 2<\/a>. Rob needs to let go of what ifs. NOW is what counts and NOW you can choose to live your life on a forward track. The embarrassment, shame, guilt, regret you might feel in these kinds of circumstances matters to no one but you. And it just attracts more, unnecessarily. Love yourself enough\u2014however slowly\u2014to let go of it.<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Forgive yourself for being human.<\/span> Self-forgiveness is CRITICAL for moving on. You may not feel forgiving right now but say to yourself, \u201cI love me enough to forgive me.\u201d Over and over. Self-love takes time to develop but it can in anyone. That\u2019s what fueled my exit from DoorMatville. I hated myself when I began but said, \u201cI love you\u201d in the mirror, even though I didn\u2019t. Eventually it sticks. Then self-forgiveness is easier. Keep trying. It\u2019s worth it!<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Do something nice for you.<\/span> Be more loving to yourself. Treat YOU to something special. When you do, say \u201cI deserve this!\u201d Being more loving is a good catalyst for self-love. The more self-love you feel, the easier it is to let go of old hurts and regrets. I love me now enough to not want to hurt myself. You can reach this place too!<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Reclaim your spirit.<\/span> Rob says he feels like he\u2019s not the same person and that part of him died in the process. Sometimes we lose old parts of ourselves. I\u2019m not the girl who got stepped on as a DoorMat. That\u2019s good! But I am still me. Your spirit can feel wounded or lost when you\u2019re looking back at negatives. Push forward! See it as a good thing and as you heal, allow your spirit to blossom on a healthier level.<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Force yourself to walk tall.<\/span> If you see someone from your past experience, fake confidence and act like you\u2019re doing well. They\u2019ve probably forgotten. If asked how you\u2019re doing, \u201cTerrific!\u201d They get their cues from you. If you show them a positive front, they\u2019ll assume you moved on from the incident. So get movin\u2019!<\/p>\n<p>* <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Be patient!<\/span> This is a process. I felt like I was shedding an old skin as I became an empowered woman. It took me years, but there was progress in each little step. Rejoice in each bit instead of wishing for more. Remember that gratitude brings more to be grateful for!<\/p>\n<p>The old DoorMat is gone but I\u2019m still me\u2014in a healthier package\u2014inside and out. I know that Rob can rejuvenate his soul and become a happier person than he was before\u2014just different. Focus on NOW. Be kinder to you NOW. <span style=\"font-weight: bold\">List your good qualities and hold them in your heart as you go after your healthy dreams\u2014living a life you love, in a job that is a dream because you enjoy the work and the people around you, and feeling kindness around you because YOU\u2019re being kind to YOU.<\/span> Let the Law of Attraction bring you lots of goodies by adjusting your thoughts to bring them in.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Life after being a DoorMat is a process that brings so many rewards.<\/span> Please join me! ?<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: bold\">Law of Attraction in Action Series<\/span><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/08\/concrete-use-of-law-of-attraction.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Concrete Use of This Power <\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/08\/law-of-attraction-and-service-people.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Service People<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/09\/law-of-attraction-kindness.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Kindness<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/09\/easing-your-way-to-joy.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Easing Your Way to Joy<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/09\/smiling-in-your-mirror-of-other-people.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Smiling in Your Mirror of Other People<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/09\/law-of-attraction-in-action-age.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Age<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/09\/law-of-attraction-in-action-who-are-you.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Who Are You?<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/10\/law-of-attraction-in-action-revenge.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Revenge<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/10\/law-of-attraction-in-action-recovering.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Too Blessed to Be Stressed<br \/>Law of Attraction in Action: Recovering Your Health<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/10\/law-of-attraction-in-action-respect.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Respect<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/11\/law-of-attraction-in-action-miracles.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 1<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/11\/law-of-attraction-in-action-miracles_10.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Miracles Part 2<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/11\/law-of-attraction-in-action-clear.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Clear Intentions<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/11\/law-of-attraction-in-action-luck.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Luck<\/a><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat.com\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-criticism.html\">Law of Attraction in Action: Criticism<\/a><\/p>\n<p>If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!<br \/><!-- AddThis Bookmark Button BEGIN --><br \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.addthis.com\/bookmark.php\" target=\"_blank\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/s9.addthis.com\/button1-bm.gif\" alt=\"AddThis Social Bookmark B\nutton\" border=\"0\" height=\"16\" width=\"125\" \/><\/a> var addthis_pub = &#8216;wryter&#8217;;<br \/><!-- AddThis Bookmark Button END --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is the 17th post in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay\u2019s You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! I recently heard from Rob (name changed), a regular reader of my&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nice-people-can-finish-first"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is the 17th post in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay\u2019s You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! I recently heard from Rob (name changed), a regular reader of my&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lessons from a Recovering Doormat\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-12-11T14:25:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/3.bp.blogspot.com\/_W3h59OgJIAA\/SUFpnPbbOrI\/AAAAAAAAArc\/IlsqFrlxzGg\/s200\/*+Louise+Hay+DVD.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Daylle Deanna Schwartz\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2008\/12\/law-of-attraction-in-action-moving-past-mistakes-and-poor-judgment.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Law of Attraction in Action: Moving Past Mistakes and Poor Judgment - Lessons from a Recovering Doormat","og_description":"This is the 17th post in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay\u2019s You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! 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Let Me Count the Ways, a She's appeared on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Oprah, Howard Stern, and Good Morning America and has been quoted in dozens of publications, including the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, and Men\u00b9s Health. After being a consummate People Pleaser who felt unworthy of getting her own needs met for many years, Daylle found a path of self-love that enabled her to build her self-esteem and reinvent herself into a dual career. She learned to get taken seriously without being overtly assertive when she became one of the first women to start an independent record label (on a dare!) and learned to play ball nicely and successfully in an industry dominated by men. To help independent musicians empower themselves, Daylle writes music business books for Billboard\/Random House, including the very popular Start &amp; Run Your Own Record Labe and I Don't Need a Record Deal! 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