Bullying is all over the news. The Internet makes it easier for young people to pick on others. We usually assume that those who bully are mean spirited people who live to hurt those who can\u2019t defend themselves. I thought this until I went to my high school reunion and had a talk with Evie, one of the toughest bullies I went to school with. As I remembered the time she bullied me, I didn\u2019t want to speak to her, even though we’re now adults and it happened in junior high school. During the evening I avoided her.<\/p>\n
Why? In 7th grade, Steph, a girl in our class, got jealous that a boy she liked, liked me. She tried to sabotage us but it didn\u2019t work. To hurt me, she told Evie that I was talking badly about her behind her back, which wasn\u2019t true. I was too much of a people pleaser to do that! But Evie didn\u2019t know that, and got angry. At the end of a class, she came up to me while I was still sitting, grabbed me behind my neck, and asked me why I was bad mouthing her. I told her I\u2019d said nothing. She threatened to hurt me if I didn\u2019t stop.<\/p>\n
When she finally let go I was shaking. How can I convince someone I\u2019d stop doing something I\u2019d never done?! As I walked out of the room, I realized that the chain that I wore around my neck was gone. Evie must have broken it when she grabbed my neck. The chain, which had a little star pendant, was given to me by my grandma before she died. It meant a lot to me! I searched where I\u2019d been but never did find it. Eventually I talked to one of the very popular girls and told her what happened from Steph\u2019s lies. She talked to Evie on my behalf and the bullying stopped.<\/p>\n
So there was Evie, as an adult, trying to be friendly. Even though many years had passed, I still remembered her as the one who made me lose the chain from my grandma. I told an old friend about it and she couldn\u2019t believe that I still carried a grudge. Back then I never thought about forgiveness. And years later I hadn\u2019t let it go. In that moment I forgave Evie and went over to her. She was pleased. We made some idle talk and then I asked if I could be honest with her. \u201cSure,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
So I told her about my memory of her bullying me. She was shocked, since she didn\u2019t remember it but apologized anyway. I laughed at how absurd I\u2019d been to see Evie as the 13 year old girl she was when she bullied me. We began to talk about how much people were afraid of her back then. Then she told me why she bullied people in school. Evie was scared, because she was bullied in elementary school. Being a bully meant that kids wouldn’t bully her!<\/p>\n
I sat there, mouth open, as Evie shared that she went to sleep away camp the summer before entering junior high and got friendly with a girl who told her that she either could be bullied, or become a bully. Since Evie hated being bullied, she took the advice and began to act very tough. When the other girls did what she said and seemed scared of her, Evie felt empowered. So when she began in her new school, she decided to bring her summer lessons with her and became known as a bully. It made her feel safer.<\/p>\n
Evie went on to become a lawyer, got married and had kids. To anyone who meets her she looks like a far cry from someone who was a bully. That night I got a new perspective about why some kids pick on others. Often it\u2019s because they want to avoid being the target of someone else. Sometimes kids get pushed to join in the activities of groups of kids that bully others\u2014join the bullying or get bullied.<\/p>\n
Some adults bring those habits into the workplace or bully friends. Most of the people who do this that I\u2019ve talked to say they do it to protect themselves.<\/p>\n
Fear motivates it. Some recovering DoorMats go in the other direction when they\u2019ve had enough of people taking advantage of them, which can be like an adult form of bullying. As you begin to feel more empowered, don\u2019t pick up new habits of taking advantage of other people. Not treating people with respect and courtesy isn\u2019t nice in kids or adults. Evie and I are now friends. Her insight into why people bully others was very enlightening. Fight fear by doing right by others, and yourself.
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Take the self-love challenge<\/strong><\/a> and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways<\/a><\/strong> for free at http:\/\/howdoiloveme.com<\/a>. And you can post your loving acts HERE<\/a><\/strong> to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE<\/a><\/strong>.<\/p>\n Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bullying is all over the news. The Internet makes it easier for young people to pick on others. We usually assume that those who bully are mean spirited people who live to hurt those who can\u2019t defend themselves. I thought this until I went to my high school reunion and had a talk with Evie,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,2],"tags":[46],"class_list":["post-1451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-positive-mental-attitude","category-self-empowerment-confidence","tag-bullying"],"yoast_head":"\n