{"id":144,"date":"2009-01-29T11:25:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-29T11:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/01\/handling-indeciveness.html"},"modified":"2009-01-29T11:25:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-29T11:25:00","slug":"handling-indeciveness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/01\/handling-indeciveness.html","title":{"rendered":"Handling Indeciveness"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m happy to have Kate Hanley as my guest today. I recommended her book, The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide: 77 Simple Strategies for Serenity<\/span><\/a> in my nurturing gift suggestions for the holidays. Kate is the founder of Ms. Mindbody.com<\/span><\/a>. Here is an excerpt from her book, one of the 77 strategies. It’s from the section titled Indecisive<\/span>.<\/p>\n

Listening to Your Body<\/span>
By Kate Hanley
\"\"<\/a><\/div>\n

Having the ability to make choices is one of the distinguishing benefits of being an adult. Babies don\u2019t get to decide when to have their diaper changed. Even teens don\u2019t get to say how long they\u2019ll stay out at night. But you, you can choose which job to take, where to live, who you want to hang out with, and whether you want to have Indian or Chinese for dinner. Sadly, even though being the master of your own fate is a privilege, making a decision often isn\u2019t easy. Whether you\u2019re pondering your next career move or trying to figure out what to wear, weighing your options and committing to a decision can become so mind-boggling that you almost wish someone would just tell you what to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

To that end, you\u2019ve asked your friends, your Mom, the guy on the bus next to you this morning, and your Magic 8 ball\u2014twice\u2014for their opinions. Although other people\u2019s insights can be extremely valuable, the truth is, you\u2019re the only one who knows what\u2019s best for you. There\u2019s only one place left to turn. And that\u2019s inward. It\u2019s time to ask the wisest, most levelheaded part of yourself. Whether you call it a gut instinct, a hunch, or a feeling in your bones, everyone has an inner wisdom that resides deep within the body.<\/span> This voice knows you better than anyone and always has a clear opinion about what you should do next. Unfortunately, it can\u2019t write urgent memos or leave a high-priority voice mail. For the most part, this voice speaks in physical sensations\u2014a funny little tingle in your chest or an unexplained heavy feeling in your stomach, for instance\u2014that you likely don\u2019t have time to notice, much less listen to. Today is the day that begins to change. . . .<\/span><\/p>\n

Taking a few minutes to mentally check in with your body can help you make better decisions\u2014the kind that seem to effortlessly result in a much happier you. It may feel like an exercise you really don\u2019t have time for, but consider how many hours spent making pro and con lists and lying awake at night pondering your future you could save. Best of all, the more you use this exercise, the better you\u2019ll get at it. With practice, you\u2019ll be able to access your inner wisdom in a matter of seconds simply by standing still and noticing what\u2019s going on in your body.<\/span> Hey, it\u2019s a lot cheaper than the Psychic Friends Network.<\/p>\n

Remedy: Listen to Your Body <\/span><\/p>\n

Ingredients:<\/span> Someplace relatively quiet\u2014a conference room, your parked car, even a public restroom<\/p>\n

Time Needed:<\/span> Five minutes (and even less once you get better at hearing what your body has to say)<\/p>\n

Instructions:<\/span>
\u2022 Sit comfortably in your chosen spot.
\u2022 Turn off any distractions, such as the TV, your cell phone, or the computer.
\u2022 Inhale a deep breath and exhale out every last drop of air. Take three breaths this way to cue your body\u2019s relaxation response.
\u2022 Close your eyes if it helps you to relax and concentrate. If it only makes you feel sleepy, keep them open.
\u2022 Ask yourself the question you\u2019re wrestling with. Should I find a new apartment? Is this the right job\/guy\/option for me?<\/p>\n

\u2022 Your job now is to notice:<\/span>
o What\u2019s happening with your breath?<\/span> Breathing shallowly, like a panting dog, is a sure sign of stress. Holding your breath can indicate fear. Slow, deep breaths point toward acceptance.<\/p>\n

o How does your stomach feel?<\/span> Does it feel heavy, like you swallowed a brick? Probably not a good sign. Is there a tingling there, or a lightness? This could indicate that some deeper part of you is truly excited about the proposition before you.<\/p>\n

o How does your heart feel?<\/span> As with your stomach, feeling heaviness is most likely a sign that the choice you\u2019re considering is not the best one for you. (You\u2019ve heard the term \u201ca heavy heart.\u201d It\u2019s pretty much universally considered something you don\u2019t want to have.) On the other hand, feeling warm or tingly points toward the fact that your metaphorical heart is with you on this one.<\/p>\n

o Before you finish, scan your head, neck, shoulders, hips, legs, and feet.<\/span> Any noteworthy sensation there, such as tightness (which can indicate stress) or tingling (which points toward excitement)?<\/p>\n

o Open your eyes and take one more deep inhale and exhale<\/span> to give yourself the chance to re-acclimate to your surroundings before you go bounding off back into your day.<\/p>\n

Modifications: <\/span>
\u2022 Different people get messages from their inner wisdom in different ways. If you\u2019re listening to your body but it\u2019s not saying anything that you can understand, try writing down whatever comes to your mind. You don\u2019t have to have a special journal\u2014scribbles on a legal pad work quite nicely.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Or, you may need movement to help quiet your mind. Try the exercise described above while walking, knitting, weeding, sweeping, or any other methodical activity that doesn\u2019t require your full concentration. Please don\u2019t try it while you\u2019re driving or chopping vegetables–some things really are best left to the rational mind.<\/p>\n

\u2022 And if you try and don\u2019t hear anything, try again tomorrow. The more you do this, the better you\u2019ll get. It\u2019s just like learning to speak any new language. It takes time, patience, and practice.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Finally, there are two types of fear. One is your body\u2019s way of alerting you that something isn\u2019t right and the situation may become dangerous. The other merely signals that you are moving out of your comfort zone–something every single one of us needs to do from time to time, scary as it may be, to keep moving forward. In my experience, the fear that signals danger feels heavier, like dread, while the other kind of fear has a lighter quality, like butterflies in your stomach\u2014it might be the most intense case of butterflies you\u2019ve ever had, but there is still a fluttery quality. As you become better at listening to your body, notice your own cues for each type of fear so that you can tell the difference between them.<\/p>\n

\u2022 This exercise is also particularly helpful in navigating the physical and emotional changes that accompany pregnancy. Developing a daily habit of checking in with your body to see what it needs to feel its best can help you ward off the nausea, fatigue, head
\naches, and mood swings that many women experience when they are carrying a baby.<\/p>\n

Benefits:<\/span>
\u2022 Helps you stop obsessing and start taking action
\u2022 Reduces your stress levels by helping you get out of limbo (otherwise known as purgatory)
\u2022 Boosts your confidence in the choices you make (Guts don\u2019t lie.)
\u2022 Sets the stage for you to sleep better, since you won\u2019t have to stay awake and ponder your future anymore<\/p>\n

Check out Kate Hanley’s book, The Anywhere, Anytime Chill Guide: 77 Simple Strategies for Serenity<\/span><\/a> to get 76 more step by step sets of instructions to calm your life. You can learn more about Kate at Ms. Mindbody.com<\/span><\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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