{"id":143,"date":"2009-02-01T21:37:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-01T21:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/taking-charge-for-me.html"},"modified":"2009-02-01T21:37:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-01T21:37:00","slug":"taking-charge-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/taking-charge-for-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Taking Charge for Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a> I have a hand-me-down table and chairs in my dining area. It\u2019s what people see first when they walk into my apartment. I\u2019ve never liked them but they served a purpose. I got used to using this table and chairs and they became part of my normal environment. Someone close to me offered to buy me new chairs for the holidays. I was surprised but she said it was long overdue. I turned her offer down, but it made me more conscious that I needed new furniture.<\/p>\n

So I promised myself that when I got my next really good book deal, I\u2019d splurge on a new dinette set. I got a good deal this week!<\/span>
\"\"<\/a>
I live in Manhattan, without a car, and have little access to one. I looked online for dinette sets but preferred to see the furniture in person before buying anything, especially after reading bad reviews about chairs I liked a lot. I wracked my brain trying to figure out who could help me. I\u2019ve always depended on people with cars, and preferably some strength. But most of my friends don\u2019t have cars. I felt frustrated, until it hit me.<\/p>\n

I had to handle it myself! I liked the idea of being more self-sufficient.<\/span><\/p>\n

So yesterday I looked online at Ikea\u2019s selection and found a table and chairs I liked. But they weren\u2019t available online. Bah! I thought about renting a car but it\u2019s very pricy in the city. Normally when I do, I go to Long Island, as Enterprise has a great weekend special. But that meant killing a lot of time and I\u2019m time deprived with 2 book deals on short deadlines and 2 new books about to be launched. I saw there was an Ikea in Brooklyn. Daylle normally doesn\u2019t go to Brooklyn! But it was near the first stop from Manhattan. They have a bus from the subway station.<\/p>\n

I thought about it all day and in the late afternoon, on the spur of the moment, I hopped on the subway and headed to Brooklyn.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was very cold. There was a little wait for the free shuttle bus but was way too far to walk. So I focused on how happy I was to be taking control of getting what I needed. When I arrived I was revved! I chose the table and chairs I wanted. I asked sales rep what they charge to have it shipped. Seems they have a flat fee for a delivery\u2014100 bucks! The guy assured me it was good because I could get a lot of furniture for that one fee.<\/p>\n

But I didn\u2019t need a lot of furniture! My unassembled table was bulky and heavy but the chairs weren\u2019t. I wasn\u2019t going to buy more to take advantage of this flat fee delivery charge!<\/span><\/p>\n

I chatted up some friendly salespeople and asked for suggestions. One told me there were livery cabs out front. She warned me to be careful, since they can charge inflated rates. I smiled and said I\u2019m a New Yorker, used to negotiating and went to get my table and chairs. The table is quite heavy. I tried to pull it off the shelf, as Ikea has a self-service system. My mind went to thoughts of having to skip buying the table that night and trying to find someone strong to come with me at another time to get the table.<\/p>\n

But I wanted to get it now! So I decided that I find a way. <\/span>Determined, I saw 2 guys in the aisle and asked if they\u2019d help me get the table into the rack underneath my shopping cart.<\/p>\n

They did! It barely fit. They had to put it so it stuck out on both sides, making it hard to maneuver the cart and get around. Still determined, I slowly walked the cart to the checkout. Then I walked outside to find a ride. A guy ran over. He was with a group of drivers, looking for people to make money from. He said $50 to take me home, which wasn\u2019t close, but I felt this was too much. So I said no. He went down to $40. I said $35. He refused and walked away. I finally agreed to $40.<\/p>\n

Then another guy ran over and said he\u2019d take me for $35. I\u2019d already agreed to the $40. Old thoughts played ping-pong as they went through my head.<\/span><\/p>\n

* It wasn\u2019t nice to go back on the agreement, BUT, why shouldn\u2019t I pay less?
* He\u2019d already walked me out, pushing my cart, BUT the other guy actually seemed more pleasant. The first one seemed surly.<\/p>\n

The people pleaser would have felt obligated to go with the first guy under the guise of trying to be nice. But I don\u2019t live in DoorMatville anymore! Yet I\u2019d agreed to pay him what he asked. Wasn\u2019t it the nice thing to do to go with him? NO!<\/p>\n

I\u2019m still nice but knew that paying more to a guy who seemed unpleasant wasn\u2019t nice.<\/span><\/p>\n

So I went with the other guy. He agreeably loaded my stuff without letting me help. I\u2019m sure the other guy would have grumbled about how heavy the table was. We had a nice conversation as we drove. The other guy would have been silent and I\u2019d have felt uncomfortable. When we got to my building, the driver insisted on carrying the table all the way into my elevator since my doorman said he couldn\u2019t carry it. I ended up giving him $40 anyway, since he\u2019d been so nice and helpful.<\/p>\n

My doorman didn\u2019t want me to have to drag the table from the elevator to my door so he locked the front door, got a dolly, and helped me bring it into my apartment. I\u2019ve been nice to him and he wanted to help me. Today I\u2019ll put it together. It feels so good knowing that step-by-step, I manifested ways to get my table and chairs home.<\/span> I took control and by doing so, solutions came. A friend can\u2019t imagine how I got such a heavy table home. But it really wasn\u2019t tough.<\/p>\n

I never had to lift it\u2014not once! All along the way home I expected to get help and got it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most tasks are do-able when you have faith and determination. <\/span>And it can work out for your highest good when you make what\u2019s best for you a priority, without hurting someone. I felt proud that I got on the subway and went to get my furniture. I also felt proud that I didn\u2019t succumb to old \u201cbe nice\u201d messages that would have put me in the car with the first guy. It all worked out because it was my intention! Life is so much sweeter when you take care of yourself with faith that everything will work out!<\/span><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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I have a hand-me-down table and chairs in my dining area. It\u2019s what people see first when they walk into my apartment. I\u2019ve never liked them but they served a purpose. I got used to using this table and chairs and they became part of my normal environment. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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