{"id":141,"date":"2009-02-06T19:27:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-06T19:27:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/bah-humbug-girl.html"},"modified":"2009-02-06T19:27:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-06T19:27:00","slug":"bah-humbug-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/bah-humbug-girl.html","title":{"rendered":"Bah Humbug Girl"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"morguefile.com\"<\/a>Today I emailed a writer I\u2019m friendly with, who I\u2019ll call Lynn, to tell her about a story she might pitch to a magazine about my new rap video. Her immediate response was telling me all the reasons that no magazine would accept the idea. I didn\u2019t argue with her since I\u2019m tired of it. But it reminded me of why she always struggles to get work.<\/p>\n

Lynn is a very nice person. Sweet as can be. The kind of person people would say that deserves lots of good things to come to her.<\/p>\n

But, whenever I see Lynn and ask how she\u2019s doing, she snarls and complains that it\u2019s hard to make a living. <\/span>Editors are difficult to deal with and close-minded about in her eyes. Life is a struggle to Lynn. Her moaning makes me uncomfortable about answering when she asks how I am. She\u2019s envious when I say my editors are a pleasure to deal with and very open-minded.<\/p>\n

She thinks I\u2019m lucky. I think that we both get what we expect.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lynn carries herself like she has the weight of the world on her. Her smile is melancholy. She rarely seems happy and dwells on how rotten editors are to work with. I however, am usually in love with life and radiate joy. And while I like some more than others, I\u2019m fine with all my editors. Yes, there are snags along the way as people will be people. But for the most part, I consider my work relationships as blessed as my personal ones.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve tried to talk to Lynn about changing her attitude but just get arguments about how I don\u2019t understand.<\/span> But I do, all too well, though not in the way she thinks.<\/p>\n

Yes, we get back what we give out from the Law of Attraction and Lynn sure manifests her expectations! But besides that, people can feel your attitude.<\/span> When you expect someone to tear your idea apart, they can feel it. I try to be friendly to everyone, even when they don\u2019t seem the kind of warm and fuzzy people I like. It gets me so much more than going to someone on edge, waiting for the ax to drop, the way Lynn does.<\/p>\n

She also puts up her own roadblocks by deciding that someone won\u2019t say yes, hence not even asking.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you find yourself getting consistently turned down for what you\u2019re going after, monitor your thoughts right before and right after. What\u2019s your mood going in? Is there something in your voice or tone or the words you use that could be making the person consider turning you down? There are many things that can be like red flags to people you ask for something.<\/span> Some common ones are:<\/p>\n

* Are you apologetic when you ask?<\/span> An apologetic tone is a red flag to someone you\u2019re asking something from. It tells the person you\u2019re not sure you should be asking. That makes them consider more if they should be hesitant to work with you. Roadblock alert!<\/span> When I was a DoorMat I apologized for everything. It\u2019s a wonder I didn\u2019t say I was sorry for being born! ? Then I\u2019d complain like Lynn that people are difficult to get cooperation from. Now I know that I was the difficult one. Save apologies for when you\u2019re truly wrong and keep them out of your verbal interactions.<\/p>\n

* Do you preface requests with a version of, \u201cyou probably won\u2019t like this but\u2026\u201d<\/span> I hear that said often. When it\u2019s said to me, I expect to not like what the person is going to ask for. Self-sabotage alert!<\/span> When you live in DoorMatville, you often feel unworthy and folks view you as such because of how you communicate. Before you ask, convince yourself of why the person will like it. If you can\u2019t, don\u2019t waste your time asking! YOU must believe it\u2019s good before you can convince others.<\/p>\n

* Does your voice radiate a total lack of confidence?<\/span> If you sound very unsure of yourself, people will be unsure of you. Confidence buster alert!<\/span> I stammered through requests. That sure won\u2019t make a good impression! Even if you\u2019re nervous, fake confidence by speaking slowly and definitively. Save your ums\u2019 and repeated \u201creallys\u201d for friends. Make a conscious effort to state your case clearly in a calm, decisive voice, in as few words as possible.<\/p>\n

* If you\u2019re in person do you slump or avoid eye contact?<\/span> This screams insecurity. Body language alert!<\/span> No matter how insecure you truly are, you can fake pulling your shoulders back, holding your head high and looking the person in the eye (without staring him or her down!). That just takes consciousness, not real confidence, but it can lead to building your confidence as you get better results.<\/p>\n

* Does your attitude reflect that you expect to be turned down or to have a confrontation like Lynn\u2019s does?<\/span> Every mention she makes of getting new assignments has an edge of defeat in it. Do you do that? I used to feel defeated from the starting gate and it showed in my expectation as I waited to be turned down. Self-kicking in the butt alert! <\/span>Now I approach people with the true excitement I feel. It can be contagious!<\/p>\n

* Are you friendly or somber?<\/span> Being friendly always gives you a leg up. Sounding somber brings people down. Smile alert!<\/span> Force a smile. It puts you into a better mood and will do that to the people you interact with. It\u2019s hard to be somber when you\u2019re passionate about what you ask for! Enthusiasm gets people on board. Somber makes people want to move on. Save somber for funerals and curl those lips NOW!<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter how unlikely what you want may seem or how many people tell you it won\u2019t happen. Had I listened to those voices, I\u2019d still be unhappily living in DoorMatville. I wouldn\u2019t have become the first white female rapper or had 10 books published with 2 more under contact. I bucked systems and nay-sayers when I wanted to do something and proved many folks wrong.<\/p>\n

When my last book came out, a big newspaper wrote something negative about it. I\u2019d just convinced Lynn to pitch a story to that paper on a different angle about my book. She emailed to say she wasn\u2019t going to bother since the review wasn\u2019t good. I argued that the secondary story was till good. She balked. I danced with her until she finally agreed to pitch it to get me off her dance card.<\/p>\n

No one was more shocked than Lynn when the story ran. My energy overrode hers!<\/span><\/p>\n

I got Lynn\u2019s email saying there\u2019s no point in pitching a story about how I, the first white female rapper, was making a music video of my first rap, Girls Can Do<\/span> after being motivated by writing my 2 new books. She said no one would care since I\u2019m older now. Hello! I think it\u2019s a great story and it will get written, but not by Lynn. I\u2019m tired of dancing with the bah humbug girl<\/span> and will just nicely send her a link to the first article about me. ?<\/p>\n

Watch for self-imposed roadblocks.<\/span> It can be hard enough to follow your dreams without YOU standing in your own way. Having done that for MANY years, I can attest that dissolving the blocks and being open t
\no all of life\u2019s goodies creates a much better and joyously happier life than being a bah humbug person<\/span>. Pay attention to your attitude. If it\u2019s not going in a direction to enhance your life, make the effort to alter it. Then you can see why this recovering DoorMat wakes up smiling every day. ?<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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