{"id":139,"date":"2009-02-19T13:13:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-19T13:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/interview-with-terrie-m-williams.html"},"modified":"2009-02-19T13:13:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-19T13:13:00","slug":"interview-with-terrie-m-williams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/interview-with-terrie-m-williams.html","title":{"rendered":"Interview with Terrie M. Williams"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Terrie M. Williams began her career as a social worker. When she saw an article about public relations, she says it lit a fire in her. She launched The Terrie Williams Agency<\/span><\/a> into one of the most successful PR firms in the country. Still wanting to help change people\u2019s lives, Terrie began the Stay Strong Foundation<\/span><\/a> and also wrote books. The range of her accomplishments definitely makes her an inspiration as part of my Embracing SUCCESS series<\/span>.
\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Terrie’s latest book, Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting <\/span><\/a>(Scribner, 2008), has touched many people with its candid look at the effect of racism on black people and her own depression from it. There\u2019s a foreword by Mary J. Blige and testimonials from an impressive assortment of people, including Danny Glover, Sean \u201cDiddy\u201d Combs and Patti LaBelle. I admit it\u2019s a tough read. Terrie speaks the truth! But as the saying goes, the truth can set you free. If you’re black, you\u2019ll gain a lot of understanding about your own behavior and the people around you. Other races may also recognize parallels in themselves, and gain an understanding about why some black people act in unhealthy ways. It can also make everyone more aware of how they treat folks who are different and the effects it can have.<\/p>\n

When I taught school, kids expressed the pain they felt from comments and treatment that they\u2019d experienced because of their race. As a white person, it\u2019s hard to imagine what it\u2019s like to have so many stereotypes about people who share the color of your skin used against you. This book is eye opening. EVERYONE, no matter what your color or experience, should read this book to understand the often underlying or subtle racism that still exists. It can help foster more consideration and compassion toward people of color. Anyone who cares about people should read Terrie\u2019s book! I’m posting this interview in honor of Black History Month. Here\u2019s what Terrie had to say<\/span>:
\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

How would you define Black Pain?<\/span> The dark emotion and space in all of us. There\u2019s a particle set of circumstances that affect people of color who experience pain and depression. It\u2019s a learned silence from the days of slavery. You\u2019d be beaten, tortured, raped, sold from your loved ones, but you had to act like you weren\u2019t hurting. I think that\u2019s been passed on for generations.<\/p>\n

Why does it lead to depression?<\/span> Because we\u2019re not meant to hold our stuff in–the childhood wounds, scars, trauma and day to day slights we experience. We\u2019re not meant to hold in anger, disappointment and rage. When these things are not dealt with, it causes depression.<\/p>\n

Why do you think the pain and depression is different in the Black community from other groups?<\/span> We were raised that you can\u2019t speak about it or there will be repercussions. It\u2019s also perceived as a sign of weakness or being crazy. We\u2019re a very faith based people so we think to do anything other than to pray to God is a betrayal.<\/p>\n

What inspired you to write your book?<\/span> I went through the fire and came out on the other side. I heard the voice of God saying that I had to share my story. I used to wonder about people who\u2019d say that God told them to do something, but I clearly heard a voice one day that said I had to share my story. It\u2019s been an amazing blessing, liberating and has helped me understand what I\u2019m here on this earth to do. Every experience in my life brought me to exactly this point. I am a social worker and one who manages depression so I know what that feels like and am more compassionate. I know how to market and promote a message and I had access to the media and celebrities. So I tied it all together to make an in your face, up close and personal message for people to understand that they\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n

What would you tell someone who doesn\u2019t understand how someone with your level of success could be depressed?<\/span> Pain is a human condition. It has nothing to do with what I have. We come into this world shaped by the pain we have inherited from our parents, no matter how loving they are. We inherit their gifts and talents too. It gets passed on from generation to generation.<\/p>\n

When was your toughest time?<\/span> What happened? Four years ago when I had a breakdown. It was 9 months of hell. But when you come out of it on the other side and you\u2019re still standing, you\u2019ve got to share. I\u2019m still very much a work in progress.<\/p>\n

How did you keep your pain hidden from the people closest to you?<\/span> I lied. That\u2019s what we do. Three of the hardest word in the English language to answer honestly are, \u201cHow are you?\u201d when you\u2019re the one other people look to.<\/p>\n

Why is it so important to share your message with children?<\/span> I think we set our kids up to fail when we don\u2019t tell them how we\u2019re really doing. They learn that the way to move through life is to lie and wear a mask. They\u2019re smart and don\u2019t miss anything. So when we lie and say we\u2019re fine but we\u2019re not, they know differently. We ought to share our frailty, our flaws, our challenges with them, and let them know how we pick ourselves up. We need to share with them the tools that we use to steady ourselves when we go though the fire. I tell them the hell I went through when I had my breakdown because they can see. Then, they start to open up in amazing ways because they\u2019re unaccustomed to adults speaking the truth to them.<\/p>\n

How successful do you feel now?<\/span> I have to work on the happy part but I feel successful in that I am amazed that my life has come full circle. That everything I did along the way prepared me for such a time as this.<\/p>\n

How would you define courage?<\/span> Feeling the fear and doing it anyway because the fear is there but you just have to move through it. If you don\u2019t get up every day with butterflies in your stomach and they don\u2019t feel good, if means you\u2019re going through life being pathetic or flat-lining. Whenever you have those butterflies it means that you\u2019re about to challenge
\nyourself and take your game to the next level.<\/p>\n

What helps you move through it?<\/span> I try to remember that there are people who go through a whole lifetime and they don\u2019t have butterflies in their stomach. I know the butterflies mean I\u2019m where I\u2019m supposed to be.<\/p>\n

What do you want white people and other races to understand about Black Pain?<\/span> Be aware. When I flag a cab, especially at night, if I have a hat on I take it off because I have short hair. I have long earrings on so I cannot be mistaken for a brother. I try to have NY Times in my hand so I can flag the cab so the driver will see that there\u2019s one with a NY Times, so maybe she\u2019s okay. I start smiling literally when I get a glimpse of an available cab, so they will see there\u2019s a friendly one. Maybe that one\u2019s okay. I do that whenever I take a cab.<\/p>\n

When black men walk too close to a white woman or get on the elevator, nine times out of ten she\u2019s gonna clutch her bag closer to her arm or in some way convey fear. So it\u2019s not easy to be a person of color on the planet. If you\u2019re a big, tall black man and have a deep voice, you start to speak softer and smile extra, so you\u2019re not so intimidating. You stand differently. One brother said he wears suits on weekends when he travels. A dark skinned black man tends to be more intimidating to others. So they smile extra to be perceived as nicer, better, like saying, \u201cI\u2019m not gonna hurt you.\u201d All of those things, just because they become second nature to you, doesn\u2019t mean they roll off your back. I try to be an aware person and know what other cultures experience. We really are all the same. We want and need the same thing.<\/p>\n

What makes you grateful?<\/span> I\u2019m gratified because I get letters from people telling me that they\u2019re relieved to see they\u2019re not alone. More people have to read it to get to know who we are and why we kill each other every day in the streets. Black people understand for the first time understanding why they do what they do. I\u2019ve heard from people in prisons who say, \u201cI finally understand why I\u2019m here. Now I know I\u2019ve been depressed for as long as I can remember.\u201d I thank God every day to have been able to do that. It\u2019s not an easy book to read. The tears flow.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s your best advice for someone who\u2019s scared to move out of their current way of life or to try something new?<\/span> You\u2019ll be pathetic or flatline for the rest of your life if you don\u2019t. Thank God that you\u2019re scared, because it means that right before you is something that\u2019s going to take your game to the next level. So go for it. Listen to your inner voice and treat everyone the same. You never know in what disguise God is coming to you.<\/p>\n

Check out Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting<\/span><\/a>. It was recently released in paperback.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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