{"id":132,"date":"2009-02-28T18:12:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-28T18:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/just-this-once-not.html"},"modified":"2009-02-28T18:12:00","modified_gmt":"2009-02-28T18:12:00","slug":"just-this-once-not","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/02\/just-this-once-not.html","title":{"rendered":"\u201cJust This Once\u201d NOT!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"morguefile.com\"<\/a> Have you ever looked at a yummy piece of cake when you\u2019re on a diet or put your hand out for a cigarette after you quit smoking and said, \u201cjust this once?\u201d As I\u2019ve tried to improve my habits and be as healthy as possible, I\u2019ve learned that \u201cjust this once\u201d is rarely once. We all have weaknesses for something, whether it\u2019s cookies or drinking or getting lost on the Internet, or going back to a lover you know will hurt you, etc.<\/p>\n

Will a desire for something control you or will you take control of the need?<\/span><\/p>\n

WILL POWER. This is something we\u2019d all love to have, without having to fight cravings. But it doesn\u2019t work that way. Often we find ourselves battling against a strong desire for something that we know isn\u2019t good to have. We want will power but holding onto it takes work and perseverance. It\u2019s hard. Hard but worth it!<\/p>\n

Instant gratification is much more appealing than depriving yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I was a DoorMat, my will power was weak. I was basically unhappy so I grabbed for anything that felt good for the moment. Saturday was cheesecake night. Unless I was somewhere that kept me from it, every Saturday night I either went out to a diner for some or brought a piece home. I indulged in anything that tasted or felt good. And I smoked. And chewed sugar-laden bubble gum. Since I didn\u2019t value myself, there was no motivation to stop putting junk into my body.<\/p>\n

Something yummy right now can seem much more appealing than the potential to lose a pound, which can take a while. <\/span>And when you don\u2019t love yourself, it\u2019s hard to see past the cookie.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve learned why having will power <\/span>is important. It really is a strong act of self-love<\/span>. Knowing this doesn\u2019t necessarily make it easy to say no to things that bring momentary pleasure, but it does make it more doable. With my slow metabolism (yes, I\u2019ve been tested!), I have a hard time losing weight, even with a relatively healthy lifestyle. But this past fall, I gave it more serious thought and got a message, which I believe came from God, that I had to break my sugar habits.<\/p>\n

I finally made one of the biggest decisions of my life. <\/span>While I did eat healthy, I had habits for eating sweets that I had to break. That was the end of October.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve gone on diets before. It\u2019s been slow but I\u2019ve lost some weight at times over the years. But this has been different. I didn\u2019t give up sugar. I broke my habits, and I had lots of them. One that I always saw as harmless was having a starlight mint (or more than one) after every meal. One is only 20 calories so I justified that it was okay. I had dessert every night. Something small. I used to have a Heath bar, which I love. It\u2019s less calories than most. Sometimes I could resist and have only a half of one. But this was another sweet habit.<\/p>\n

Something in me clicked when I began. I didn\u2019t want habits to control me.<\/span> The first week was like being in withdrawal from a substance addiction as I stayed off of sweets.<\/p>\n

It got easier as I continued. I still had sweets, but much less often and not during the normal times I had in the past. No more mints after meals! That was tough. I still reach for them sometimes, but can stop more easily now. I still have one occasionally, like after eating something very spicy. But maybe 2 a week instead of 3-6 a day. I have to ask myself for permission now before I have one. ?<\/p>\n

It makes me feel so much in control of my intake instead of feeling controlled by my whims like I used to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have a sweet on the weekend, but after lunch instead of dinner like my habit was. And I still pig out on special occasions. So I don\u2019t feel completely deprived of sweets. But I rarely have sweets at times I used to. Having them is no longer a habit. I can even walk past the mints in restaurants without reaching for a handful!<\/p>\n

Oh, and I\u2019ve lost 8 pounds without changing any of my other eating habits.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish I could say that my cravings have stopped, but they haven\u2019t. I still want sweets. But the cravings aren\u2019t as strong. There are still times it\u2019s hard to generate will power to resist them. But I do! And, that feels wonderful, so powerful. Cravings no longer control me! I control them! I\u2019ve found that one of the biggest deal breakers for controlling an addiction, whether it\u2019s for food, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, seeing an abusive\/unhealthy person you think you love, etc., is three little words:<\/p>\n

\u201cJust this once.\u201d We always think we can have it once and then stop. <\/span>But addictions don\u2019t work that way.<\/p>\n

I consider anything you crave and find hard to resist an addiction, be it a substance, food, person, activity, etc. Allowing one \u201cjust this once.\u201d leads to another \u201cjust this once.\u201d It\u2019s never \u201cjust this once\u201d when it comes to cravings. But you CAN generate the will power to begin to control the cravings, IF you want it enough and CHOOSE to. Here\u2019s some tips I\u2019ve learned:<\/p>\n

* Show yourself lots of love! <\/span>The more you love yourself, the more you want to take care of YOU. It\u2019s a no-brainer! When you care about your well being, it\u2019s easier to do what it takes to be healthier. Think of will power as an act of self-love and feel the love with each temptation you resist. Be the best friend to yourself that you should be and support your efforts to break habits.<\/p>\n

* Postpone, don\u2019t automatically deny.<\/span> When I got disgusted with my Saturday night cheesecake habit, I told myself I\u2019d wait an hour and then get it. After an hour, I chose to wait another hour. Then a half hour. Each time I postponed made it a little easier to wait. After all, I wasn\u2019t withholding the treat. I was just waiting a little to have it. But I didn\u2019t have it! Eventually it got late and I decided I could go without it. The rest of the night I reveled in being able to control my need for the cheesecake. I began to postpone other treats, and slowly broke the habit. Sometimes I did have it, and it was okay. But I didn\u2019t need it all the time and my need became an occasional treat instead of a habit..<\/p>\n

* Plan treats<\/span>. I enjoy my sweets and allow myself to indulge, with some limits, on the weekend. If I have that to look forward to I can wait. I can also get addicted to playing computer games but I control this by allowing specific times to play them. If you have an addiction you can\u2019t do in moderation, treat yourself to a massage or activity you enjoy.<\/p>\n

* Find less addictive substitutes<\/span>. There are some sweets I can have a little of and stop and some I can\u2019t. I know I can\u2019t keep a box of Oreos around as they talk to me. I\u2019ll eat much too many! So, I don\u2019t get them. Then there are cookies I like but don\u2019t love. That\u2019s what I buy if I get cookies. Find something else that gives you pleasure and avoid those that weaken your will power.<\/p>\n

* Make a habit piggy bank or jar<\/span>. Every time you resist buying something to eat or cigarettes or a drink or treating someone to get into their good favor, put the money you\u2019d have spent in a piggy bank or jar. Save up for a trip, an electronic toy you\u2019d like, new clothes or whate
\nver would make you happy. This is a great way to reward yourself and see the fruits of your will power.<\/p>\n

* Talk to yourself when you say \u201cjust this once.\u201d<\/span> Ohhh, I\u2019d think, \u201cI can splurge and have cake after dinner at home, even though it\u2019s a Tuesday and that was my habit.\u201d But I know it will lead to more exceptions. So I tell myself I can\u2019t do it, out loud if I\u2019m alone. I explain why, to myself. It usually convinces me that I can\u2019t do it \u201cjust this once.\u201d It\u2019s really important to acknowledge the craving and praise yourself for not giving in\u2014out loud if possible. I actually tell myself firmly that I can\u2019t let myself start succumbing to \u201cjust this once\u201d since it won\u2019t be once.<\/p>\n

*Take conscious pleasure in being able to control your desire.<\/span> I congratulate myself for taking control instead of succumbing. Feeling empowered can give you a rush that makes up for not having a cookie or whatever it is you want.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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Have you ever looked at a yummy piece of cake when you\u2019re on a diet or put your hand out for a cigarette after you quit smoking and said, \u201cjust this once?\u201d As I\u2019ve tried to improve my habits and be as healthy as possible, I\u2019ve learned that \u201cjust this once\u201d is rarely once. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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