{"id":103,"date":"2009-06-11T11:32:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-11T11:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/06\/miserably-skinny.html"},"modified":"2009-06-11T11:32:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-11T11:32:00","slug":"miserably-skinny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/06\/miserably-skinny.html","title":{"rendered":"Miserably Skinny"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I recently saw Gina, who I haven\u2019t seen in years. Known her since my DoorMat days. She\u2019s stick thin, barely eats, and always watching her weight. We bumped into each other at a networking function and agreed to do lunch. At first I hesitated, remembering going shopping with her years ago.<\/p>\n

Back then, I felt vulnerable, as usual. We went to a store and I saw a sweater I liked. As I looked for it in my size, she grabbed my arm and nudged me to look at a different sweater. It was oversized and bulky. She suggested I buy that one since it was big and would cover my body more. No need to have my fat show more than necessary! I was hurt and angry. While I didn\u2019t buy her suggestion, it ruined my day. But I kept quiet, not knowing how to reply to such a mean statement.<\/p>\n

As a DoorMat, I always felt fat, since I wasn\u2019t as thin as women I saw in the media.<\/span> Yet I really had a nice body if I didn\u2019t compare it to anorexics and air brushed chicks.<\/p>\n

Gina isn\u2019t a bad person. I honestly thought she was trying to help me. She must be very insecure to say that kind of thing to me. I know she stresses over her body. Plus she must always be hungry! ? So I didn\u2019t want to be mean back. As a compulsive people pleaser in those days, I didn\u2019t want to alienate her. But it bothered me a lot that someone would speak to me like that. While I couldn\u2019t stand up to her, I did avoid making future plans.<\/p>\n

When she questioned why I didn\u2019t do things with her anymore, I explained I didn\u2019t want to be in a situation to get any more of her “advice,” no matter how much she thought she meant well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gina was surprised and defensive. Of course I reassured her that she was a good person. We eventually lost touch. Seeing her again brought back the old memories. She\u2019s still stick thin and neurotic about what she eats. But this time around, I was no DoorMat! I had no intention of buying into her nastiness, however she deluded herself that her intentions were good.<\/p>\n

So this time Gina had lunch with a very empowered woman, who knows she\u2019s not fat.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t fat when I was a DoorMat but felt fat, since I wasn\u2019t thin. Next to Gina, I felt like a horse! But that didn\u2019t make me fat! Now I know better. My curvy, in proportion body is just as good as Gina\u2019s very thin one. Better on many levels since I prefer curves to skin and bones! ? As far as I\u2019m concerned, I\u2019m a lot prettier than she is. And, I have a much better personality. Gina is surly, unhappy, and hungry! ?<\/p>\n

Just because someone is in better shape than you, or thinner, doesn\u2019t take away from the beauty of you.<\/span> I went to lunch prepared.<\/p>\n

I tend to be a healthy eater but indulge in fattening, unhealthy foods occasionally. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to goad Gina since I craved a burger and fries for lunch. When I ordered it, Gina\u2019s mouth dropped. She couldn\u2019t hide how horrified she was, as she ordered a small salad with a can of tuna packed in water and no dressing. I ignored her. But she couldn\u2019t resist a jab, \u201cShould you be eating that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m an idiot,\u201d I said, and then added that I didn\u2019t need her to tell me how to eat.<\/span><\/p>\n

Gina bristled but shut up. When the food came, she turned up her nose in disgust and began to lecture about how fattening my food was, to which I just said, \u201cshut up!\u201d As she flinched, I added that it was none of her business what I ate. If she wants to deprive herself of all yummy things to be a skinny, unhappy b*tch, that was her choice. My choice is to be comfortable with my body and enjoy my life, and food.<\/p>\n

I added that one more word about it would make me move to another table without her or take my food in a doggy bag to the park.<\/span><\/p>\n

I think her mouth stayed open for five minutes as she absorbed my words. No prob. she barely eats anyway, poor thing. Then she told me I\u2019d changed a lot since we\u2019d last communicated. I\u2019d never spoken like this before. I wasn\u2019t nice. She didn\u2019t mean any harm but I was getting so tough.<\/p>\n

I cut her off with a big smile. I wasn\u2019t tough or mean. She was. I just wasn\u2019t going to let someone like her ruin my lunch. That was all. I asked Gina what gave her the right to play food police with me. Just because she chose to be miserably skinny, I didn\u2019t have to buy her views. What I ate was none of her business. It was my choice if I got fat from overeating. But I\u2019m not fat! I\u2019m just not as thin as she is. Too high a price to pay! Plus, I’m happy and she obviously isn’t.<\/p>\n

Gina asked, \u201cWho are you??\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I replied that I\u2019m an empowered chick who\u2019s comfortable in my own less than perfect skin and happy with myself. Far from DoorMatville and planning to stay there! That was probably my last get together with Gina. It\u2019s so much better to focus on only letting people with good energy into your world!<\/span> Let her pick on another DoorMat who doesn\u2019t speak up. This former one has no tolerance any more and is happier for it! I won\u2019t be seeing her anymore.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t give people permission to put you down by being silent. Speak up and if it continues, don\u2019t see the person often, or at all. Forgive them as I discussed in my last post<\/a>, but don\u2019t tolerate it! Gina obviously has no self-love. I feel sorry for her but don\u2019t want her in my positive world! Love yourself enough to protect yourself! Don;t let people take their own issues out on you<\/span>!<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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I recently saw Gina, who I haven\u2019t seen in years. Known her since my DoorMat days. She\u2019s stick thin, barely eats, and always watching her weight. We bumped into each other at a networking function and agreed to do lunch. At first I hesitated, remembering going shopping with her years ago. 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