{"id":101,"date":"2009-06-18T16:48:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-18T16:48:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/06\/have-you-won-a-battle-in-your-head.html"},"modified":"2009-06-18T16:48:00","modified_gmt":"2009-06-18T16:48:00","slug":"have-you-won-a-battle-in-your-head","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat\/2009\/06\/have-you-won-a-battle-in-your-head.html","title":{"rendered":"Have you Won a Battle in Your Head?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I was thinking about how many great debates I have with myself. Do you may know what I mean? You\u2019re tempted to do something you may know is bad for you or want to avoid something you know you should do. So the head battle begins.<\/span> Do I do what I WANT to do or what I SHOULD do? Or will what I SHOULD do make me happier in the long run? Sometimes it\u2019s a heavy decision. A sample of some great debates are:<\/p>\n

* Should I take the job <\/span>I was offered if it pays great money but sounds boring? I want a job that stimulates me. But I need to make more if I ever want to get out of my one room. Is moving worth being unhappy at work?<\/p>\n

* I know I should walk away<\/span> from my romantic partner who\u2019s hurting me but my feet feel stuck. Sometimes he\u2019s so lovable. When she\u2019s not evil she makes me happy. But the bad times hurt. But the good times\u2014oooohhh are so good! How can I leave? But the hurt times really hurt!<\/p>\n

* I need to tell my roommate no more late rent payments or leave<\/span>. Can I do that since I like her? I like her but I have to lay out her rent too often and she\u2019s a slob. But she\u2019s such good company and means well. I don\u2019t want her to hate me. But I can’t keep paying her rent!<\/p>\n

Sometimes it\u2019s less serious but important just the same.<\/span><\/p>\n

* I\u2019m so craving cake<\/span>. Is it okay to let myself have a piece? Ah, but I know it will make me want more. But right now I want it! But I\u2019m on a diet! But I want it!<\/p>\n

* Laundry is piling up <\/span>but I don\u2019t want to bother with it today. But I\u2019m running out of clean socks. But I\u2019m tired from working overtime and deserve to relax. Need clean clothes! Need to relax!<\/p>\n

* I know I need to go to the gym<\/span> but I don\u2019t feel like it. I want to get into shape so I should go. But one day missed won\u2019t hurt me. But it\u2019s important to keep my routine.<\/p>\n

BUT\u2026 BUT\u2026 BUT\u2026 BUT\u2026<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve indulged in many of these dialogues in my head, kind of like playing a self-version of good cop, bad cop<\/span>. So what\u2019s considered winning in these kind of debates? Giving into your whims or doing what you set out to do? Giving into a craving or fighting it?<\/p>\n

Last night I went running in Central Park. For the last few years I\u2019ve run at least 3-4 times a week. Lately I haven\u2019t been running much. Seems whenever I\u2019ve been free the weather is nasty. My schedule has been crazy so free time has been scarce. I do power walk all over so I am getting cardio and my weight hasn\u2019t suffered. But I\u2019ve been wanting to run. I hadn\u2019t planned to yesterday but the weather was unexpectedly nice.<\/p>\n

After an hour of working out with weights with my trainer, I usually don\u2019t run. But I said I\u2019d try to since the rest of the week will either be rainy or I\u2019ll be out. I was tired from my gym workout but the good weather called me and I went. But I left much later than I\u2019d planned.<\/p>\n

My head said that it would be okay to take it easier on this run since it might be harder to do the full hour after the leg press, etc. in the gym. Plus I haven\u2019t been running so I might not be up for the full run. I was already hungry and I wanted to get back early to eat so I could go to sleep early. I tried to convince myself I should get back into running slowly. Plus, I didn\u2019t want to get back after 8:30, but would if I did the full run.<\/p>\n

So I agreed with myself to see how I felt.<\/span><\/p>\n

I run legs in the park, stretching in between. As I ran into the park, I gave myself permission to cut the first leg short if it got to be too much. \u201cYou can cut yourself slack since you haven\u2019t been running\u201d a tired voice said. \u201cBut I need this run since I haven\u2019t been doing it\u201d I countered. So I bargained. \u201cJust go a few more yards and see you feel.\u201d \u201cI can finish this one leg\u201d I declared, since it would be the only run this week. And I did!<\/p>\n

My mind debate continued as I did. I knew that it was good for me to run as much as I could. So I cut myself mind slack, leg by leg, and ran as much as usual.<\/span><\/p>\n

While most of us don\u2019t have split personalities, we can have split desires. Once side can be based on logic and the other side on immediate needs. These days I can accept it and try to argue my way to pushing myself to do what\u2019s best for my highest good. Sometimes I put it into God\u2019s hands. Even when I was running, I said if I have the strength to finish, I will. With each leg I argued that it was okay to stop early. Yet each finished leg made the argument stronger for finishing it all.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I go with the one that isn\u2019t the best choice, like a cookie. But these days, self-love drives me to the healthier choice, and the one I want.<\/span><\/p>\n

In my DoorMat days, the argument was usually stronger for what someone else wanted from me. Even when I knew what I wanted, the argument to please would usually win over my own desire. Of course it\u2019s better to debate the healthiest choice the hardest. It feels empowering when you make the choice that ultimately is best for you.<\/p>\n

When the desires of someone else wins the argument in your head, you often lose.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I choose to continue to run the full leg, or to pass on the cookie, or to take Saturday off, even though I have work to do but need some rest, I feel very empowered with the results. When I win the battle for the best choice for my highest good, I\u2019ve taken control of me.<\/p>\n

Have YOU won a battle in your head? Please share it in the comments. <\/span>I\u2019d love to know how my readers make the best decisions for themselves or overcome a tempting alternative that they may regret after. PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and\/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

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I was thinking about how many great debates I have with myself. Do you may know what I mean? You\u2019re tempted to do something you may know is bad for you or want to avoid something you know you should do. So the head battle begins. 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Daylle's books have been translated into over 10 languages and are popular around the world. She speaks for colleges, organizations and corporations. Through her company, Project Self-Empowerment, Daylle creates programs and materials to help people empower themselves. One goal is to raise the money to self-publish her book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways and give it away for free in colleges and through organizations, to give thanks for all her blessings. 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