{"id":5799,"date":"2011-01-17T20:16:32","date_gmt":"2011-01-18T02:16:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/?p=5799"},"modified":"2011-05-03T16:56:32","modified_gmt":"2011-05-03T16:56:32","slug":"insane-inspired-bible-verses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2011\/01\/insane-inspired-bible-verses.html","title":{"rendered":"Insane (Inspired?) Bible Verses!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: center\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/2011\/01\/BibleInspired.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-5803\" src=\"https:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/2011\/01\/BibleInspired.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"512\" height=\"384\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>The Bible is never an easy book to understand. And sometimes the Bible is a weird book. But once in a while the Bible&#8217;s stories and word pictures are pretty much insane.<\/p>\n<p>The verses below are all weird&#8230; and perhaps a couple of them are insane&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t know what I think about these verses. I mean, I have a hard time believing that God had much to do with writing them&#8230; I&#8217;m not saying that it&#8217;s not possible&#8230;. I just have a difficult time believing they&#8217;re&#8230; you know&#8230; &#8220;inspired.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The following words are weird&#8230; sometimes violent&#8230; sometimes downright masochistic&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>But are they inspired? I don&#8217;t know&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Consider the following verses&#8230; <\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Deuteronomy 23:1 ESV<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>This seems mean. And it seems to be something that Jesus wouldn&#8217;t like. Of course, I still have my testicles&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Deuteronomy 25:11-12  NASB<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling  together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the  hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes  his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Wait. Is she mistreating the genitals? I mean, is she just grabbing them? Lovingly? Still, even if she was trying to hurt the genitals, should we really cut off her hand? What about youth pastors who give kids wedgies? Cut off a finger or two?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Genesis 38:8-10 NASB<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>Then Judah said to Onan, \u201cGo in to your brother\u2019s wife, and perform your  duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your  brother.\u201d Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went  in to his brother\u2019s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not  to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in  the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Okay&#8230; so we know the story of Onan&#8230; he&#8217;s rather famous! So he spills his semen on the ground rather than putting it in the wife of his dead brother. Apparently, God gets angry at things like this&#8230; so God killed Onan&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Ezekiel 23:19-20  NET<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days  of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land  of Egypt.   She lusted after their genitals  as large as those of donkeys, and their  seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Size mattered back then, too&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Deuteronomy 22:20-21<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the young woman\u2019s virginity can be found, <sup>21<\/sup> she shall be brought to the door of her father\u2019s house and there the  men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done an outrageous  thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father\u2019s house.  You must purge the evil from among you.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Interesting&#8230; we ignore the above verse, but we don&#8217;t mind using that one &#8220;anti-anal sex&#8221; verse in Deuteronomy to promote &#8220;God&#8217;s\/our&#8221; views on homosexuality&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>1 Samuel 18:25-27 ESV<\/strong><br \/>\n<em><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Then Saul said, \u201cThus shall you say to David, \u2018The king desires no  bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may  be avenged of the king\u2019s enemies.\u2019\u201d Now Saul thought to make David fall  by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these  words, it pleased David well to be the king\u2019s son-in-law. Before the  time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed  two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which  were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king\u2019s  son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Can you regift foreskins?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Exodus 4:24-25 NASB<\/strong><br \/>\n<em><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him  and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off  her son\u2019s foreskin and threw it at Moses\u2019 feet, and she said, \u201cYou are  indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Can you imagine being that poor kid? Wow.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><strong>Judges 3:19-25  ESV<\/strong><em>And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from  his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly.  And the hilt also went  in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not  pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>So lots of biblical things came back to balls, foreskin, and poop&#8230;.<\/p>\n<p><strong>What do you think about these verses? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Are they inspired? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>And if you&#8217;re a man, are you still eligible for communing in God&#8217;s assembly? <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Bible is never an easy book to understand. And sometimes the Bible is a weird book. But once in a while the Bible&#8217;s stories and word pictures are pretty much insane. The verses below are all weird&#8230; and perhaps a couple of them are insane&#8230; I don&#8217;t know what I think about these verses.&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":412,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bible"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Insane (Inspired?) Bible Verses!  - Jesus Needs New PR<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2011\/01\/insane-inspired-bible-verses.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Insane (Inspired?) Bible Verses!  - Jesus Needs New PR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The Bible is never an easy book to understand. And sometimes the Bible is a weird book. But once in a while the Bible&#8217;s stories and word pictures are pretty much insane. The verses below are all weird&#8230; and perhaps a couple of them are insane&#8230; I don&#8217;t know what I think about these verses.&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2011\/01\/insane-inspired-bible-verses.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Jesus Needs New PR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-01-18T02:16:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-05-03T16:56:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/01\/BibleInspired.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Matthew Paul Turner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Insane (Inspired?) Bible Verses!  - Jesus Needs New PR","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2011\/01\/insane-inspired-bible-verses.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Insane (Inspired?) Bible Verses!  - Jesus Needs New PR","og_description":"The Bible is never an easy book to understand. And sometimes the Bible is a weird book. But once in a while the Bible&#8217;s stories and word pictures are pretty much insane. 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