{"id":3031,"date":"2010-07-14T09:36:43","date_gmt":"2010-07-14T15:36:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/?p=3031"},"modified":"2011-05-03T16:24:23","modified_gmt":"2011-05-03T16:24:23","slug":"this-is-why-i-was-afraid-to-go-see-a-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/07\/this-is-why-i-was-afraid-to-go-see-a-therapist.html","title":{"rendered":"This is why I was afraid to go see a therapist…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Finding this video at Stuff Fundies Like<\/a> was timely. In a couple of the chapters in Good God, I write about my decision to seek professional help in regards to my depression and anxiety. That was a very difficult step for me… and it’s because my church viewed “shrinks” like this guy views them…<\/p>\n

<\/embed><\/object><\/p>\n

Here’s a short excerpt from Good God (Please ignore the grammar mistakes!)<\/p>\n

“I stood in front of my bathroom mirror and stared at the reflection of my face. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say anything at first. My cold gaze fixed itself upon my pale complexion. I inspected every inch of my face. I counted the lines underneath my eyes. I examined my hairline and mourned its steady beeline toward my backside. I admired the perfect shape of my eyebrows. And thanked God that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d gotten my mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nose.<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m depressed<\/em>, I finally said. <\/em>I waited for my face to react to what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just admitted out loud for the first time. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like who I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m looking at. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like how I feel. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m empty and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how to become filled up again. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m tired of feeling guilty and anxious and insecure. A part of me wants to run away. But I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m too needy to run away. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m too insecure to run. I want to be held and accepted for who I am. <\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>Tears began bubbling out from the corners of my eyes. I watched one fall down my cheek.<\/p>\n

I want to be happy. I want to know what it feels like to experience God like I used to. But I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t because\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> I yanked some toilet paper off the roll and wiped the tears off my face. \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m depressed. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help it. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m depressed.<\/em><\/p>\n

Saying those words out loud was freeing. I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t accustomed to telling myself the truth. I had no problem telling other people their truth. But I rarely uttered mine. I usually reserved those thoughts and feelings for the silent prayers I said before bedtime.<\/p>\n

<\/em>I wrapped the towel around my waist and returned to my bedroom. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m depressed<\/em>, I said again. I put on a pair of boxers. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know why I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m depressed. <\/em>My voice became louder. I know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not supposed to be depressed. But I am. <\/em><\/p>\n

Maybe I need help. <\/em><\/p>\n

God, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want help. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want people finding out I need help…<\/em>“<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finding this video at Stuff Fundies Like was timely. In a couple of the chapters in Good God, I write about my decision to seek professional help in regards to my depression and anxiety. That was a very difficult step for me… and it’s because my church viewed “shrinks” like this guy views them… Here’s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":412,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12,24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3031","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-books","category-crazy"],"yoast_head":"\nThis is why I was afraid to go see a therapist... - Jesus Needs New PR<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/07\/this-is-why-i-was-afraid-to-go-see-a-therapist.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"This is why I was afraid to go see a therapist... - Jesus Needs New PR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Finding this video at Stuff Fundies Like was timely. 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