{"id":2392,"date":"2010-06-02T09:44:52","date_gmt":"2010-06-02T15:44:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/?p=2392"},"modified":"2011-05-03T17:02:02","modified_gmt":"2011-05-03T17:02:02","slug":"8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html","title":{"rendered":"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Think about it; why would you live like THIS… <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Before Andy Stanley <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When you could live like THIS…<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
After Andy Stanley<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Amazing, huh? It’s possible. All you have to do is become a Christian! Look! The girl in the picture above is even copyright protected. And that’s just the beginning of the benefits one receives from being a Christian.<\/p>\n

Of course, the benefits of being Christian are too numerous to list in one blog post, but here are a few things you might be missing!<\/p>\n

1) Ghosts from the Bible days will lay hands on you and pray that you find your tie.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
Rather than a cloud, this man has a half-circle of witnesses... <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

2) Free foot washings for hard-working business men!<\/strong> And don’t worry; Jesus will come to you.<\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
And there's never an extra charge for healing athlete's foot! NEVER. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\n

3) Even though you helped murder our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, being a Christian guarantees you’ll never be charged for that crime. In fact, it will remain in the “pending charges” file until you die! Though I should tell you that you will be reminded on a regular basis that the charge is pending and that you actually ARE guilty. <\/strong><\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
You're guaranteed to only ever FEEL guilty! You'll never get charged and actually BE GUILTY.... It's called "A life of grace." <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

4) Free babysitting! <\/strong><\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
And when you're a Christian, the babysitters fly. Your kids will love it.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

5) When you’re a Christian, Jesus will come to your parties and make them less fun. <\/strong>Nobody brings a party to its knees like Jesus.<\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
"No reason to fear, for I am here! Put away your beer and stop being queer. Oh, dear..." -Jesus<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

6) Your pencils will be made to look brand new with these great little pencil toppers…<\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

7) Become a Christian today, and we’ll throw in a free high-five from a modestly-dress Janet Jackson! (And you’ll slap Janet’s hand in the HOLY LANDS!) <\/strong><\/h2>\n
\"\"<\/a>
"Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire. My love is blind, cant you see my desire?" -Purified Janet<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

8) And then, of course, there’s HEAVEN!<\/h2>\n
\"\"
"The ark of the covenant is here!" -Jesus<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\n

To be continued…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Think about it; why would you live like THIS… When you could live like THIS… Amazing, huh? It’s possible. All you have to do is become a Christian! Look! The girl in the picture above is even copyright protected. And that’s just the beginning of the benefits one receives from being a Christian. Of course,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":412,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church","category-jesus-picture"],"yoast_head":"\n8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!) - Jesus Needs New PR<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!) - Jesus Needs New PR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Think about it; why would you live like THIS… When you could live like THIS… Amazing, huh? It’s possible. All you have to do is become a Christian! Look! The girl in the picture above is even copyright protected. And that’s just the beginning of the benefits one receives from being a Christian. Of course,…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Jesus Needs New PR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-06-02T15:44:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-05-03T17:02:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/images_3299-fp5l.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Matthew Paul Turner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!) - Jesus Needs New PR","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!) - Jesus Needs New PR","og_description":"Think about it; why would you live like THIS… When you could live like THIS… Amazing, huh? It’s possible. All you have to do is become a Christian! Look! The girl in the picture above is even copyright protected. And that’s just the beginning of the benefits one receives from being a Christian. Of course,…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html","og_site_name":"Jesus Needs New PR","article_published_time":"2010-06-02T15:44:52+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-05-03T17:02:02+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/images_3299-fp5l.jpg"}],"author":"Matthew Paul Turner","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html","name":"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!) - Jesus Needs New PR","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/images_3299-fp5l.jpg","datePublished":"2010-06-02T15:44:52+00:00","dateModified":"2011-05-03T17:02:02+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/#\/schema\/person\/76db64a6819f8f63a896a0e0a5a6aaf6"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/images_3299-fp5l.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.jesusneedsnewpr.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/images_3299-fp5l.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/2010\/06\/8-benefits-of-being-christian-with-pictures.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"8 BENEFITS of being Christian (with pictures!)"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/","name":"Jesus Needs New PR","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Matthew Paul Turner","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/#\/schema\/person\/76db64a6819f8f63a896a0e0a5a6aaf6","name":"Matthew Paul Turner","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/8e9\/8e908220acd7221e2b6f851e31b19923x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/8e9\/8e908220acd7221e2b6f851e31b19923x96.jpg","caption":"Matthew Paul Turner"},"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/author\/mturner"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/412"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2392"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":61768,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2392\/revisions\/61768"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jesusneedsnewpr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}