{"id":72,"date":"2010-12-28T14:25:45","date_gmt":"2010-12-28T14:25:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/jennifercares\/2010\/12\/coping-with-grief-is-a.html"},"modified":"2011-08-11T14:19:35","modified_gmt":"2011-08-11T18:19:35","slug":"coping-with-grief-is-a","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/jennifercares\/2010\/12\/coping-with-grief-is-a.html","title":{"rendered":"Holiday Celebrations, Minus One: Coping with Caregiver Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you’ve lost or are\u00a0caring for a critically ill\u00a0loved one, you know that moving through the holidays just isn’t the same.\u00a0Psychologists say it doesn’t seem to matter much if the person you were close with died ten days, or ten years ago…the holiday season triggers grief.<\/p>\n

Sights, sounds, smells all bring back powerful memories, which can leave us feeling sad and alone. Coping with this kind of loss is especially difficult at this time of year—when the rest of the world seems to be smiling and celebrating.<\/p>\n

And, when we have unresolved feelings about the death of a loved one, everything is amplified.\u00a0 That pent up emotion can burst out making us say things we don’t mean—sometimes hurtful things to family members or friends.\u00a0 Or, it can make us clam up, and become withdrawn, or depressed.<\/p>\n

That kind of grieving can start during <\/strong><\/em>caregiving too, as we begin mourning the loss of health; and of the way things once were.<\/p>\n

\"Pap<\/span>I’m feeling it this year.\u00a0 This is actually the second Christmas without my father-in-law, but for some reason the loss is hitting me harder this time around.\u00a0 I think it has something to do with the fact that as a caregiver, a wife, and a mom, I felt it was my duty to keep it together, and make the holidays as special as possible last year. I don’t think I allowed myself to fully grieve, because I wasn’t thinking about processing my own feelings, like many of you sweet caregivers, \u00a0I was more concerned with taking care of everyone else.<\/p>\n

Now a year later, with everyone a little more settled and relaxed, I was hit with many reminders of\u00a0 Pap that went straight to my heart: unpacking the stockings I made for all of us, and seeing his along with the rest, making some of the food I know he loved to enjoy, setting the table with his wedding china for Christmas Eve dinner, and sitting in the audience listening to the kids sing at their Christmas concert.<\/p>\n

Having lived with us for nearly seven years after the death of\u00a0<\/em>his wife, <\/em>Pap was truly a part of our family, and although he is missed every day, I definitely noticed more “triggers” while preparing for this Christmas.<\/p>\n

Coping with grief is a sad reality of caregiving.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Here are some tips from grief management experts on how to\u00a0make things a little easier:<\/p>\n