{"id":7,"date":"2011-01-04T05:55:03","date_gmt":"2011-01-04T05:55:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/innercubicle\/2011\/01\/from-parent-to-person.html"},"modified":"2011-01-04T05:55:03","modified_gmt":"2011-01-04T05:55:03","slug":"from-parent-to-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/innercubicle\/2011\/01\/from-parent-to-person.html","title":{"rendered":"From Parent to Person"},"content":{"rendered":"

I started blogging shortly after giving birth to my daughter Ayla.  I
\ndecided on a mommy blog because, well, there was nothing else on my
\nmind post-partum.  But last summer, the winds shifted in my life and
\nsuddenly I felt the urge to expand my view of myself, from parent to
\nperson, and mother to woman.<\/p>\n

Yes, parenting is an endlessly fascinating aspect of being alive. 
\nAnd true, there is no end to the challenges confronted by parents and
\ntheir children.   But now when I look at the title of my first blog–Labor of
\nLove<\/a>–I think about the work I need to do for and to myself, as an
\nindividual, rather than solely in the context of raising a child.<\/p>\n

There were a few telltale signs that I was ripe for change.  First, I
\nceased being interested in parenting books–this was a surprise since I
\nhad been a bit of a Jean Leidloff-Barbara Coloroso-Penelope Leach junkie
\nsince pregnancy.  But last May, I went cold turkey.  When I plucked a
\nbook off the shelf for a late night read, the titles that stood out were
\nabout women (Elizabeth Lesser’s Broken Open<\/span>), death (A Memoir of Living & Dying <\/span>by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) and spirit (Michael Newton’s past life page-turner, Journey of Souls<\/span>).  
\nI read voraciously through the summer and fall. When I dragged myself
\nout of bed in the morning to be confronted with a parenting
\ncrisis–groggy from my late night reading sessions–I trusted my intuition
\nto guide me to the right solution.  And most of the time, my parenting
\ndidn’t seem to suffer from the lack of constant research and discussion.
\nAnd if it did, I was willing to live with my own shortcomings.<\/p>\n

Another sign was my sizeable thirst to be reunited with life again. 
\nOf course children are about as alive as a human being can get, but most
\ngrown adults are not satiated by a steady diet of child’s play.  I felt
\nthe urge to get out of the house more often–to dialogue, to teach, to
\nhear live music, to watch documentaries, and to attend conferences where
\nI could learn and grow. I found these excursions energizing and
\nentertaining.  I began to wonder about my purpose in the world again.  I
\nspent many nights thinking deeply about my gifts–outside of potty
\ntraining and family scheduling–and began to crave my work as a writer
\nand teacher again.<\/p>\n

And then, during a recent Ladies night, we broached the topic of
\nadolescence.  Not ours, but the prospect of our children growing up and
\nseeing us as we are, through teen-aged eyes.  There is no parenting book
\nthat can save you if you’ve dedicated 16 years of your life to your
\nchildren at the expense of yourself.  If your kids want to know how to
\nbe in the world, and you can only point to your own unrealized potential
\nas a human being, a parenting book won’t save you. <\/p>\n

At some point in the future, our children will judge us not just by
\nhow we parented but also by how we lived.  They will learn how to make
\nthe right choices only if we build strong relationships, do work that we
\nlove, and are part of communities that reflect our beliefs.  Our
\nparenting must shift from the blocking-and-tackling work of changing
\ndiapers and preventing playground meltdowns to living fully, and sharing
\nthe process of how we do so with our children. <\/p>\n

And so, this winter, I decided that I needed to start “laboring with
\nlove” for myself.  If I engage in the hard work of learning to love
\nmyself and nurture my gifts–and I let Ayla see and participate in my
\nlife–I will be loving and parenting her, too.  I won’t give up on hugs
\nand play and swim classes, but I want to strike the right balance
\nbetween focusing on her life and on mine.  In my view, children thrive
\nwhen they are raised by parents who are whole people, and whose everyday
\nlife reflects the richness of what it means to be alive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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