{"id":113,"date":"2011-04-12T08:44:07","date_gmt":"2011-04-12T12:44:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/innercubicle\/?p=113"},"modified":"2011-04-12T08:44:07","modified_gmt":"2011-04-12T12:44:07","slug":"do-soul-mates-exist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/innercubicle\/2011\/04\/do-soul-mates-exist.html","title":{"rendered":"Do Soul Mates Exist?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I have always believed in soulmates.\u00a0 While my belief might have sprung from an adolescent fantasy many decades ago, it has ripened into a surety\"\"<\/a>\u2014something solid enough to hold in my hands or place in my coat pocket.<\/p>\n

If you believe in reincarnation (which I do), then it\u2019s not a stretch to imagine that some souls travel in clusters across lifetimes, to help each other through difficult stretches in which support, or solace, are hard to come by.\u00a0 Or simply to love each other; because pure, unconditional love is so elusive these days.\u00a0 But alas, I\u2019m nearing my fourth decade as a single person.\u00a0\u00a0 And sometimes I wonder if it’s time to give up, once and for all?<\/p>\n

To make matters worse, I\u2019m feeling more and more alone in my belief in soulmates.\u00a0 When I raise the topic amongst friends, my inquiry is met with derision, disbelief, or even a patronizing pat on the shoulder.\u00a0 Why have we collectively tossed the idea of soul-mates in the bin?\u00a0 \u00a0Are we post-modern folk too smart? \u00a0Too cynical? \u00a0Or has our belief in science\u2014in what can be seen and proven\u2014dealt a crushing blow to the notion of soul-mates?<\/p>\n

My hairdresser tried to shed some light on why he doesn\u2019t believe in soulmates.\u00a0 While snipping my hair he said, \u201cTo find a soul-mate, you\u2019ve got to be in tune with your soul.\u00a0 But nowadays we\u2019re too distracted, too busy, to listen.\u00a0 No wonder we don\u2019t believe in soulmates anymore.\u00a0 Who in today\u2019s world is really connected to their own soul?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

After the blow dry, I sat quietly for a long time thinking about his words.\u00a0 Back in my early thirties, when I was keen to marry, I prayed with all of my heart to meet my soulmate.\u00a0 But then, when it didn\u2019t happen on my timetable, I went out and tried to make it happen all by myself.\u00a0 I blind-dated and Internet-dated, and when I finally met my ex-partner, I was so focused on figuring out whether our friends and families would get along at the wedding that I scarcely took the time to consult my soul about the depth and quality of our connection.<\/p>\n

You see, I liked the idea of a soulmate but I preferred to make impulsive decisions using my head and heart, rather than wait for my soul to speak to me.\u00a0 When I look at a cross-section of my friends and their mates, it\u2019s clear that I’m not alone.\u00a0 I don\u2019t begrudge those who marry to share the burden of child-rearing and home ownership, or even those who want to avoid loneliness or the stigma of being single and undesirable.\u00a0 These are difficult times.\u00a0 Why shouldn\u2019t we marry for practical reasons?\u00a0 It’s hard work to get and stay connected to our soul, and harder still to nurture a soul connection with a partner.<\/p>\n

But I’m also certain that when we engage the soul, the quality of our relationships rises far beyond what is possible when we use only our heads and hearts.\u00a0 I have a handful of soul friends\u2014women and men whom I loved almost from the first instant\u2014whose love has sustained me when I felt most lost or alone.\u00a0 With a soul friend you feel completely \u201cseen,\u201d deeply at ease, and secure in a way that defies reason.\u00a0 My soul-friends are people I could ring up after 20 years and be certain that they would be there for me.\u00a0\u00a0 In contrast, friendships inspired by lifestyle compatibility or work or proximity rarely survive the trials of time.<\/p>\n

But nurturing a soul connection takes faith and fortitude.\u00a0 Even as recently as last year, I let my rational desire for a partner override my soul\u2019s voice.\u00a0 It was shouting, \u201cThis relationship is not<\/em> right for you!!\u201d while my head was busy coming up with reasons to pursue it. \u00a0It took breaking out in hives in this man’s presence to finally let go.\u00a0\u00a0 The experience taught me that I’d rather be alone than in a relationship in which my soul’s voice must be smothered, or engaged with someone whose soul is a complete mystery to me.<\/p>\n

But today is a new day.\u00a0 I (finally) have a regular meditation practice.\u00a0 I\u2019m part of a Buddhist community in which I can study and explore matters of the soul on a regular basis.\u00a0 And most important of all, I have faith that if I nurture my soul\u2014and really heed it’s call, no matter where it leads me\u2014then I will be capable of recognizing my soul mate when he finally rides up to my house on a white horse and carries me off into the sunset.\u00a0 [Smile.]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To read more of my writing, visit Labor of Love<\/a>.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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