{"id":740,"date":"2015-05-22T12:35:51","date_gmt":"2015-05-22T12:35:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=740"},"modified":"2015-11-30T22:13:45","modified_gmt":"2015-11-30T22:13:45","slug":"how-divorce-effects-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2015\/05\/how-divorce-effects-children.html","title":{"rendered":"How Divorce Affects Children"},"content":{"rendered":"

I sit to write this morning with a lump in my throat.<\/p>\n

I will honestly say that had I known what would be unleashed when I started this process a year and a half ago, I am not certain that I would have done it. My children did not deserve any of this.<\/p>\n

They deserved two adults saying goodbye to one another while making them our number one priority.<\/p>\n

I know intellectually and emotionally that getting out of this relationship was the best thing for them in the long run. However, the short term pain and chaos and significant feeling of loss is more than they should have to experience.<\/p>\n

Why? All because I chose the wrong person.<\/p>\n

I don’t like to write about my kids in this capacity. They deserve privacy throughout this. Only my outrage at adults behaving badly is what this is really about.<\/p>\n

I often say that “I am tired of watching children walking around masquerading as adults.”<\/p>\n

Some time ago, I sat with a friend who was struggling in their marriage. They were at a crossroads.<\/p>\n

“You don’t have that luxury,” I told them. “The minute you had children you gave up the right to not be mature and work hard at your marriage before you give up.”<\/p>\n

Quitting is easy.<\/p>\n

Living life fully and tackling our problems as adults is not. It takes confidence, maturity, and selflessness.<\/p>\n

When all options have been exhausted and divorce is the best avenue then that also demands the same confidence, maturity, and selflessness. It takes loving our children more than we love ourselves.<\/p>\n

Over these years, I often turned to my husband and asked him that same thing, “When are you going to decide you love our children more than you hate me?”<\/p>\n

When you make the decision to have children you give up the right to be selfish, childish, immature – in other words, you give up the right to continue living life as a child yourself.<\/p>\n

You have to grow up. Life isn’t all about you anymore.<\/p>\n

The selfish and immature games played in divorce hurt our children. They should be illegal only sadly they are not. People get away with playing these financial and emotional games in divorce every day. You can’t check out on your children because you’ve checked out of a marriage.<\/p>\n

When you become a parent you simply no longer have the luxury of putting your own needs, pain, and immaturity first.<\/p>\n

I am so tired of watching children walking around masquerading as adults.
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I sit to write this morning with a lump in my throat. I will honestly say that had I known what would be unleashed when I started this process a year and a half ago, I am not certain that I would have done it. My children did not deserve any of this. 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That is the core from which I begin most stories. I find myself drawn to dig for the moments in the story that are the passion that drive the message. It may be the love of what originally started a business or an authentically motivated personal profile, or simply the love of a subject being investigated which compels me to write. My forever favorite form of writing is the human interest essay or what I call, \u201cAn Interview With Life.\u201d The average day that is explored and somehow once again instills in us a joie de vivre\u2026..a joy of life. 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