{"id":5459,"date":"2018-07-24T23:08:32","date_gmt":"2018-07-24T23:08:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=5459"},"modified":"2018-07-24T23:08:58","modified_gmt":"2018-07-24T23:08:58","slug":"3-reasons-single-parents-give-break","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2018\/07\/3-reasons-single-parents-give-break.html","title":{"rendered":"3 Reasons Single Parents Should to Give Themselves a Break"},"content":{"rendered":"

I listen and it sounds all too familiar.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A mother I know can’t stop beating herself up.<\/p>\n

\"pexels-photo-236164\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Will her children suffer permanently since they don’t see their father enough?<\/em><\/p>\n

Will her son be okay without a present male influence in his life?<\/em><\/p>\n

Are her children experiencing typical adolescent angst or is it a result of the separation and divorce?<\/em><\/p>\n

Do her children know her outbursts are born out of fear and love and outright stress and fatigue rather than true anger?<\/em><\/p>\n

Will her relationships with her children suffer?<\/em><\/p>\n

Will they blame her for their family falling apart?<\/em><\/p>\n

What is it about this structural family change which makes one parent assume total responsibility?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, adults should accept responsibility for their actions but there is a difference between ‘accountability’ and ‘beating one’s self up.’<\/p>\n

No individual sets out to choose divorce.<\/p>\n

It is an unfortunate result.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A destination arrived at when all other options have been exhausted.<\/p>\n

One person can fight all they want to save a relationship. It’s exhaustive and futile and sadly, a battle taken on by far too many when ultimately two have to fight for one successful whole. Certainly, there are some marriages which end with a joint decision but far more end because one person stopped caring long before the other.<\/p>\n

The evolution of life can’t be controlled.<\/strong><\/p>\n

So many things cause the end of a marriage.<\/p>\n

Here are at least Three Reasons Single Parents Should Give Themselves a Break:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You’re Present<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your marriage may be over but your commitment to your children and your family is not.<\/em><\/p>\n

You never left them. You just left a relationship which was unhealthy for them to continue to be immersed in.<\/p>\n

You are there day in and day out.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Parenting is a combination of love, security, stability, accountability, advocacy, and support of all kinds – emotional, physical, and financial.<\/p>\n

Children recognize love.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

They understand the parent who is continually available to them emotionally and who makes their world safe.<\/p>\n

You’re Strong<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being a single parent is not for the faint of heart.<\/em><\/p>\n

Gone are the shared burdens.<\/p>\n

They are replaced by quiet pillow conversations of one.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

There is no one to whisper your emotional, financial, or parenting concerns to late at night.<\/p>\n

If you are tired you must keep going. If you are worried you must discount those fears.<\/p>\n

And you chose to go it alone rather than let your children continue to see a poor example of a loving relationship.<\/p>\n

You’re Human<\/strong><\/p>\n

Babies are brought home with the love and hope for the future they intrinsically represent.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Every single person who marries hopes to defy the odds or they wouldn’t walk down that aisle.<\/p>\n

Life is built upon growth which stems from many twists and turns, some new and exciting and others filled with change and loss.<\/p>\n

Any single parent can bear witness to the incredible guilt which accompanies choosing divorce and the sense of failure.<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s a sense of letting not just your children but yourself down.<\/p>\n

And worse, you can’t correct it.<\/p>\n

You can’t restore your children’s idyllic childhood.<\/p>\n

But you can reinforce your love for them, their unique gifts, how special they are, and how God somehow believed this was their intended path.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

It’s this type of faith which restores empowerment.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your children see you surrendering to God’s plan and confidently modeling this was meant to be.<\/p>\n

And that as long as you have God and each other you still have everything.<\/p>\n

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist<\/strong><\/p>\n

Photo courtesy of Pexels<\/p>\n

on Twitter @colleenorme
\non Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
\nE-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I listen and it sounds all too familiar. A mother I know can’t stop beating herself up. Will her children suffer permanently since they don’t see their father enough? Will her son be okay without a present male influence in his life? 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