{"id":4949,"date":"2018-01-31T21:54:04","date_gmt":"2018-01-31T21:54:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=4949"},"modified":"2018-01-31T21:54:04","modified_gmt":"2018-01-31T21:54:04","slug":"cant-believe-ever-cried","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2018\/01\/cant-believe-ever-cried.html","title":{"rendered":"When God Sends Signs We Would Rather Ignore"},"content":{"rendered":"

I just read a post on a Facebook page I love and follow – Godwinks.<\/em><\/p>\n

If you haven’t checked out the series of ten Godwinks books penned by New York Times Bestselling author SQuire Rushnell you should.<\/em><\/p>\n

You will find Rushnell’s stories spiritually intoxicating.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"pexels-photo-110321\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In fact, upon reading When God Winks at You: How God Speaks Directly to You Through the Power of Coincidence<\/em> I found myself captivated enough to immediately purchase multiple copies. On the way home from the bookstore that day, I tucked a few in the mailboxes of friends experiencing difficulties. I then stashed away other copies for the moment I knew someone I love would need them.<\/p>\n

Today’s Facebook post begged the question (and I paraphrase) “Have you received something other than what you prayed for and was it better than you expected?”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I was moved to comment. <\/em><\/p>\n

For many reasons, this spoke to me. After all, I have written about the years I spent ‘fighting God.’ Telling him I did not wish for this devastating outcome called divorce. I begged and pleaded and even as devoutly faithful as I am temporarily lost my spirituality while I felt deeply sorry for myself.<\/p>\n

And when I say sorry for myself I mean in the most pitying of ways. As the saying goes, ‘I was like chocolate, a hot gooey (insert the word ‘spiritual’<\/strong>) mess.’<\/p>\n

And as much as I fought God – God pushed back.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And as I often say I dragged the proverbial horse through the mud and beat it and turned it over and beat it again.<\/p>\n

Of course, I knew God was speaking to me. I knew exactly what He was telling me. I knew what He wished. I knew what He wanted.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

But it wasn’t what I prayed for.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I frequently joke my\u00a0dream was not only to be a writer but to be a columnist. However, if someone had told me years ago, “Good news! Your dreams are going to come true! You will write a column about divorce.” <\/em><\/p>\n

I would have said, “Thank you very much. I do not want to write that badly.”<\/em><\/p>\n

I shared this sentiment in the comment thread of the Godwinks <\/em>post today.\u00a0<\/em>Only I left something out. Not intentionally. I just didn’t remember it until I closed out of Facebook. Why? Because as a lifelong lover of signs I usually think of the\u00a0Godwinks<\/em> in my life as strictly the positive ones I am searching and asking for.<\/p>\n

But this little thing called ‘denial’ or should I say ‘spiritual denial.’ made me ignore several things God sent my way.<\/strong><\/p>\n

To illustrate how strong my resistance was I can only remember one of the successive Godwinks\u00a0I received during that time. It was, however, the most glaring.<\/em><\/p>\n

In between, exhausting God with my persistent\u00a0pleas, I was rear-ended while sitting at a\u00a0traffic light. It was the summer and hot outside so I had taken off my thick gold wedding band and placed it in the ashtray filled with coins. The sudden impact sent the change flying up into the air.<\/p>\n

In the days that followed I searched and searched for my wedding band.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I had a diamond ring as well but this was the one we exchanged in church and therefore, far more valuable to me.<\/em><\/p>\n

You should have heard the conversations I had with God.<\/strong><\/p>\n

They went something like this, “C’mon, really?? My wedding band?? Are you trying to knock me over the head and say it’s over? Accept it??”<\/em><\/p>\n

Of course, I knew He was.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I never did find my wedding band.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Something which to this day is inconceivable to me. There had been no place for it to go. I had just taken it off. It had to be somewhere in that car.<\/p>\n

And even after accepting God’s new path for my life, I still prayed I would find that sentimental band. What would be the harm? I was no longer fighting my inevitable truth. Why couldn’t I just have that one little piece that represented the promise I certainly meant to keep that long ago day?<\/p>\n

I finally had to get rid of my old car. It was clear after detailers and mechanics could not locate my ring, it was not meant to be.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The funny thing?<\/em><\/p>\n

I have written so much about my journey and yet, forgot to include this – one of the most profound moments.<\/em><\/p>\n

The day God made it abundantly clear this particular prayer would not be answered.<\/p>\n

So yes, I have received something other than what I prayed for and yes, it was better than expected.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I write a column about life, love, and divorce.<\/em><\/p>\n

‘I fell down farther than most so I could help others get up.’<\/strong><\/p>\n

I let go of a man who didn’t cherish me enough to fight for me.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I get a second chance to find someone who does.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I can’t believe I ever cried.<\/em><\/p>\n

I can’t believe I fought with God.<\/em><\/p>\n

Some days though I still wish my ring would miraculously surface. The only difference? It would no longer represent the union between one man and one woman.<\/p>\n

It would be a reminder that when we fight with God – God is going to push back.<\/em><\/p>\n

And bring us better than we expected.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist<\/strong><\/p>\n

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)<\/p>\n

on Twitter @colleenorme
\non Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
\nE-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
\nwww.colleensheehyorme.com<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just read a post on a Facebook page I love and follow – Godwinks. If you haven’t checked out the series of ten Godwinks books penned by New York Times Bestselling author SQuire Rushnell you should. 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