{"id":493,"date":"2015-03-06T18:29:04","date_gmt":"2015-03-06T18:29:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=493"},"modified":"2015-03-06T18:29:04","modified_gmt":"2015-03-06T18:29:04","slug":"i-fell-down-farther-than-most-to-help-others-get-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2015\/03\/i-fell-down-farther-than-most-to-help-others-get-up.html","title":{"rendered":"I Fell Down Farther Than Most to Help Others Get Up"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love writing this column because not only is it cathartic for me, but because I can attempt to help some of the people in pain reaching out to me. <\/p>\n

I can tell them that I understand their heartache. It is true that marriage problems come in all different shapes and sizes. However, there is still a commonality to losing one that you once believed was the ‘love of your life.’<\/p>\n

In some of my deepest confusion and sorrow I couldn’t find a person to take my hand and walk me through it. I mean in the literary sense. I scoured the bookstores and found tons of books on the subject only they were expert laden, long, heavy books that I could not absorb or cheerleading ‘get past’ divorce voices that frankly, I didn’t want to hear.<\/p>\n

Sure, there was “Eat, Pray and Love,” only traveling to far away countries to heal my pain wasn’t an option. I was stationed domestically state side to:<\/p>\n

eat (and believe me I did),
\npray (and believe me even God is crying Uncle from me at this point) and,
\nlove (who? I’ve worn out all the people who love me most by staying in a bad situation too long.)<\/p>\n

This morning I jump on Facebook and read a note from the heart of a friend and just now I sit before an e-mail from my friend, “Kiki.” <\/p>\n

I struggle a bit when I feel their suffering. I don’t want anyone to hurt in this way that has become so familiar to me, yet was once so foreign to me.<\/p>\n

“Kiki” lets me know that an otherwise unpredictable, confusion filled, heart breaking time is made even more confusing by the good intentioned advice of loved ones.<\/p>\n

I empathize with her. Then I admit the truth – my personal truth. <\/p>\n

The ones who loved me most fought for me the hardest. In some twisted irony, I turned a deaf ear and stayed with the man who loved me the least and fought for me the weakest. <\/p>\n

The people who really loved me told me to get out, give up, and get going.<\/p>\n

I knew they were right. I don’t know why an otherwise strong woman gave so much of herself to another human being that I became embarrassed by myself. I was a marital extreme. I was and became a divorce extreme. I am not proud of that. I want to be seen in the same well respected eyes I had always been seen in.<\/p>\n

My sister who likes to go by the moniker “Foxy Roxy” told me three things over the years that I will never forget:<\/p>\n

“Colleen you are smarter than this. Get out”<\/p>\n

“Colleen why would you stay with someone who never loved you enough to fight for you as you did for him?”<\/p>\n

“Colleen the best part of you was that you always saw the best in people”<\/p>\n

I was listening only love is love. This inexplicable and magical existence that takes otherwise self-respecting, strong, capable, independent, smart individuals and renders us temporarily helpless.<\/p>\n

I am not proud that I did not do divorce well.<\/p>\n

I can only rely on my faith. I think I fell down farther than most so that I could help others get up.<\/p>\n

\"how-great-thou-part-3\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
\non Twitter @colleenorme
\non Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
\nE-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
\nwww.colleensheehyorme.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love writing this column because not only is it cathartic for me, but because I can attempt to help some of the people in pain reaching out to me. I can tell them that I understand their heartache. It is true that marriage problems come in all different shapes and sizes. 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