{"id":258,"date":"2014-12-08T03:51:35","date_gmt":"2014-12-08T03:51:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=258"},"modified":"2014-12-12T01:01:24","modified_gmt":"2014-12-12T01:01:24","slug":"are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html","title":{"rendered":"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce?"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve always respected an individual’s choice to stay at home or work. After all, these are intensely personal decisions which are often shaped by our own life experiences. I am fortunate that I have never met a working woman who has judged me for my choice to stay at home. I am equally as fortunate to have never met an at home mother who has criticized another for choosing to work outside of the home.<\/p>\n

My mom was a single, working mother. I was extremely proud of her and what she accomplished. Losing my mother when I was twenty-eight played a significant role in my decision to stay at home.<\/p>\n

I also realize that my mom and many others don\u2019t have a choice. <\/p>\n

We were in the position that we either needed to hire someone to replace me in our business or hire someone to watch our children. <\/p>\n

I always say that no one should hold the power in a relationship, but no one should be powerless either.<\/p>\n

In divorce, my choice to stay at home has left me powerless. I am in a position where money can be used as a weapon against me. I am also starting over after years of not having a career. It is confusing, no bewildering to me that in 2014 I am left to feel as though I made no contribution because I made an intensely personal decision to be at home with my children. A joint decision.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t feel that I should defend myself that I helped build our business, run fundraisers, school events, our investments or the other so called, \u2018legitimate\u2019 contributions. <\/p>\n

I feel that I can stand on my own merits of my \u2018internal career\u2019 rather than \u2018outside profession.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t unmotivated. I was motivated to work for free.
\nI wasn\u2019t lazy. I was energetic in love.
\nI wasn\u2019t not working. I was caring for my children and volunteering.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t receive a paycheck. I didn\u2019t receive a title. I didn\u2019t receive a raise.<\/p>\n

I did do something valuable. I did get called mom. I did receive praise.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t regret a thing. I loved it all. It was where my life led me. <\/p>\n

My sister once told me, \u201cColleen, don\u2019t let anyone make you feel your choice is not of value. This country was once built upon women like you that laid the foundations in our hospitals, schools and charitable organizations. They did this while staying at home with their children.\u201d My sister has her doctorate, has been a college professor and has traveled this country for the World Health Organization. Even with her high career accomplishments she valued and respected that each of us take different paths in life. <\/p>\n

I did contribute.<\/p>\n

Financial success shouldn\u2019t be the only indicator of time well spent. There are many jobs in this country that people do for free, for lower pay than should be acceptable or for more pay than should be allowed. <\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t feel like \u2018less\u2019 when for me personally this made me feel like \u2018more.\u2019<\/p>\n

I hope you choose to share this column.
\n\"how-great-thou-part-3\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Sheehy Orme
\non Twitter @colleenorme
\non Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
\nE-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
\nwww.colleensheehyorme.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve always respected an individual’s choice to stay at home or work. After all, these are intensely personal decisions which are often shaped by our own life experiences. I am fortunate that I have never met a working woman who has judged me for my choice to stay at home. I am equally as fortunate…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":575,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,1,14,3],"tags":[230,2,8,36,16,232,229,43,31,32,12,234,13,17,21,30],"class_list":["post-258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-catholic","category-divorce-2","category-inspiration","category-marriage","tag-catholic","tag-divorce","tag-faith","tag-family","tag-gratitude","tag-inspiration","tag-marriage","tag-marriagecounseling","tag-mom","tag-mother","tag-parenting","tag-self-improvement","tag-self-love","tag-spirtuality","tag-strength","tag-unconditional-love"],"yoast_head":"\nAre Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce? - How Great Thou Part<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce? - How Great Thou Part\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ve always respected an individual’s choice to stay at home or work. After all, these are intensely personal decisions which are often shaped by our own life experiences. I am fortunate that I have never met a working woman who has judged me for my choice to stay at home. I am equally as fortunate…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"How Great Thou Part\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-12-08T03:51:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-12-12T01:01:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/files\/2014\/11\/how-great-thou-part-3-300x115.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Colleen Sheehy Orme\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce? - How Great Thou Part","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce? - How Great Thou Part","og_description":"I\u2019ve always respected an individual’s choice to stay at home or work. After all, these are intensely personal decisions which are often shaped by our own life experiences. I am fortunate that I have never met a working woman who has judged me for my choice to stay at home. I am equally as fortunate…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html","og_site_name":"How Great Thou Part","article_published_time":"2014-12-08T03:51:35+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-12-12T01:01:24+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/files\/2014\/11\/how-great-thou-part-3-300x115.jpg"}],"author":"Colleen Sheehy Orme","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html","name":"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce? - How Great Thou Part","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/files\/2014\/11\/how-great-thou-part-3-300x115.jpg","datePublished":"2014-12-08T03:51:35+00:00","dateModified":"2014-12-12T01:01:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/#\/schema\/person\/8f4436fdd06cdbb61d63a9a788b98e15"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/files\/2014\/11\/how-great-thou-part-3-300x115.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/files\/2014\/11\/how-great-thou-part-3-300x115.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/12\/are-stay-at-home-mothers-powerless-in-divorce.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Are Stay at Home Mothers Powerless in Divorce?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/","name":"How Great Thou Part","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Colleen Orme","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/#\/schema\/person\/8f4436fdd06cdbb61d63a9a788b98e15","name":"Colleen Sheehy Orme","description":"Born and raised in Northern Virginia outside of Washington, D.C., I often call myself a southern New Yorker, much to the dismay of my true New Yorker buddies. Born to my native Brooklyn parents, I have a love of all things city and all things country. I found myself in the town of Scranton, Pennsylvania, which prior to The Office, nary a soul could envision less you found yourself on the hills of Interstate 81. I was held up there while I pursued my B.S. in Business. I have two passions: Business marketing and writing. The two are not so terribly different. Why? Cultivating a brand is in essence the story and the connecting of the dots of a corporate entity. I write features for various magazines and newspapers and I am a national divorce columnist (what can I say things didn\u2019t turn out quite the way I thought they would). I am also a former business columnist. For more than fifteen years, I spent my summers on the Jersey Shore in what I call my \u2018out of state\u2019 clothes once again magnetized to the northerners I find so familiar. If I were to brand my writing, I would say I write of LOVE. That is the core from which I begin most stories. I find myself drawn to dig for the moments in the story that are the passion that drive the message. It may be the love of what originally started a business or an authentically motivated personal profile, or simply the love of a subject being investigated which compels me to write. My forever favorite form of writing is the human interest essay or what I call, \u201cAn Interview With Life.\u201d The average day that is explored and somehow once again instills in us a joie de vivre\u2026..a joy of life. These human moments are the Hope Virus that spreads amongst us and can\u2019t help but propel us into better human beings with a larger sense of the world.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/author\/corme"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/575"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=258"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":262,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions\/262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}