Now, I can’t place more emphasis on the fact that these misguided people simply have no clue what divorce really is. I can’t imagine if they truly did, that they would believe extolling their personal judgements on an already suffering and weakened human being would be the right thing to do.<\/p>\n
Let me repeat that.<\/strong><\/p>\n If you are the family member or friend of someone who is getting a divorce – know that they are presently weak and suffering.<\/em><\/p>\n Of course, I do not agree with black and white or blanket statements. There are exceptions to this; however, for the most part, remember that divorce is a death. It is important to recognize that grief accompanies divorce.<\/p>\n Do not be foolish enough to believe that just because a person ultimately surrendered and began divorce proceedings that they actually chose divorce. Instead, understand that they acquiesced to it. I was shocked at an individuals insensitivity to a friend’s divorce. “She chose this,” the person said to me as I encouraged empathy and compassion.<\/p>\n My response?<\/p>\n “I begged for God to ease my mother’s suffering and then I screamed in grief the moment that he did,” I say.<\/p>\n It is arrogance to have a big mouth and big opinions in divorce. It could almost be referred to as bullying and not just a lack of kindness.<\/p>\n I remember one day, a very outspoken person looked at me (or should I say looked down on me) and said dismissively, “Well, if I wanted a divorce, I would have just gotten one.”<\/p>\n This was a mean-spirited reference to my elongated divorce.<\/p>\n At the time, this sent me to the ladies room. I grabbed a tissue and gazed in the mirror fighting back tears. This woman did not matter to me. Nor did I care if she liked me nor what she thought of me. None of this mattered because my wound was gaping and she scraped it. <\/p>\n It didn’t matter who caused the pain. It was just all pain.<\/p>\n I made a decision that night. I did not respond to her. I would not make myself look down to look up at her.<\/p>\n Instead, I just romanced my internal response. What I would have liked to have said to her if I wanted to give her the satisfaction. <\/p>\n “How naive of you. You try divorcing someone that doesn’t want to divorce you.” Maybe there should just be a few canned responses for these arrogant ‘know it alls.’<\/p>\n 1. “Unhappy people give the best advice! Do you have any more?<\/p>\n 2. “I’m sorry, I meant unhappy people who don’t feel very good about themselves. Thanks for the great advice!”<\/p>\n 3. “I love getting advice from a marriage and divorce expert!”<\/p>\n 4. “I had no idea that you were doing life so well! Tell me more!”<\/p>\n 5. “Good to know you don’t fear heights. I would be afraid to be up on that high horse of yours!”<\/p>\n 6. “You must forget all the times you complained about your marriage! Don’t worry memory loss is normal at your age.”<\/p>\n 7. “It must be exhausting needing to be in control all the time! So sorry you can’t control my life, too!”<\/p>\n 8. “I know divorce is scary. Don’t worry it’s not a disease even if your marriage is a mess!”<\/p>\n
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\n“Of course, you would because you are controlling so I am sure that you would be in control of your divorce.”<\/p>\n
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