{"id":2079,"date":"2016-05-30T14:23:43","date_gmt":"2016-05-30T14:23:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=2079"},"modified":"2016-05-30T14:29:27","modified_gmt":"2016-05-30T14:29:27","slug":"thoughts-on-being-a-former-mayor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2016\/05\/thoughts-on-being-a-former-mayor.html","title":{"rendered":"Thoughts on Being a Former Mayor"},"content":{"rendered":"

I sit with my marriage counselor. I like to call him “Dr. Phil” because he has that same direct and likable quality.<\/p>\n

“They used to call me ‘The Mayor of Great Falls,” I say. <\/em><\/p>\n

“I miss that. I enjoyed that big world. I took pride in being there for people. In solving problems and leading things,” I say. “I loved everybody. I honestly could count on two hands the people I did not like. You could now say that I am quite the opposite. I don’t really want to be close to many people.”<\/p>\n

“Colleen, you make this sound as if it’s a bad thing,” he says.<\/p>\n

“It feels like a bad thing,” I respond.<\/strong> <\/p>\n

“Did it ever occur to you that the opposite is true? That perhaps the bad thing was rescuing and pleasing the entire world?” he asks.<\/p>\n

“I never really thought of it that way,” I say. “It just feels like losing people to me.<\/em> I want my world to be smaller. I guess I am still not 100% comfortable shedding the ‘mayor’ in me.<\/p>\n

I think for a moment.<\/em> <\/p>\n

It really isn’t the rescuer thing.<\/strong> <\/p>\n

I am relieved to have shed that. And I really don’t care about a few people who didn’t have enough compassion or respect to allow me the dignity of navigating substantial loss. In fact, there is now an irony I find in that. After all, it was my overly compassionate personality that led me towards being a ‘mayor.’<\/p>\n

I think that I miss being a leader.<\/p>\n

Of course, once a leader always a leader. I’m just more of a quiet leader at present rather than the loud one of yesterday.<\/p>\n

I know my counselor is correct. What initially drove me, ultimately exhausted me. I rarely said no and I left no problem unsolved.<\/p>\n

Another irony since my own problem (my marriage) turned out to be the one problem which evaded me.<\/p>\n

I can let go of feeling uncomfortable about my big decision for a small world. <\/p>\n

I am no longer confused by it. I always say, “that I never needed to be liked – I enjoyed being liked.” There’s a difference. A leader does not need to be liked. A leader steps forward, interjects and will not stand back in the face of right and wrong. That is not someone who needs to be liked.<\/p>\n

I guess that’s why it was confusing to me that I couldn’t entirely embrace my increasing need for solitude.<\/p>\n

Why did I care? Why did I wrestle with it being counterintuitive to who I had been my whole life?”<\/p>\n

After an hour with “Dr. Phil,” I have my answer.<\/p>\n

I don’t miss being a rescuer. I miss being a leader.<\/p>\n

I miss being a ‘mayor.’ <\/p>\n

And one day, when I am feeling loud again, I might run for a new office.<\/p>\n

\"pexels-photo<\/a>
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I sit with my marriage counselor. I like to call him “Dr. Phil” because he has that same direct and likable quality. “They used to call me ‘The Mayor of Great Falls,” I say. “I miss that. I enjoyed that big world. I took pride in being there for people. In solving problems and leading…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":575,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[2,41,110,57,234,72],"class_list":["post-2079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-divorce-2","tag-divorce","tag-healing","tag-new-beginnings","tag-self-help","tag-self-improvement","tag-starting-over"],"yoast_head":"\nThoughts on Being a Former Mayor - How Great Thou Part<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2016\/05\/thoughts-on-being-a-former-mayor.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Thoughts on Being a Former Mayor - How Great Thou Part\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I sit with my marriage counselor. 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