{"id":1641,"date":"2016-03-04T13:17:35","date_gmt":"2016-03-04T13:17:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=1641"},"modified":"2016-03-04T13:17:35","modified_gmt":"2016-03-04T13:17:35","slug":"are-you-kind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2016\/03\/are-you-kind.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You Kind?"},"content":{"rendered":"

We sit huddled together. The laughter spills from the table onto the patrons nearby. I am in the moment. I am not swept up by the commotion, but rather the joy in a group of women sharing life.<\/p>\n

I have never been a big observer of actions in those that I love. Instead, I am drawn in by their words. I think that’s why I am an enabler. I should be listening to the actions that contradict the words, but I am too empathetic for that. Instead, if I like or love you, I would be inclined to say, “I know that person did that, but they did it because they were feeling this or feeling that.”<\/p>\n

I am more alert now. Pain has been an excellent teacher.<\/p>\n

A woman announces that she has just spoken to someone.<\/p>\n

“You told her to join us, right?” I ask.<\/p>\n

“No,” she giggles.<\/p>\n

“She will be hurt,” I say. “If she realizes that she wasn’t included to begin with let alone just before we meet.”<\/p>\n

There is no response. Instead, she turns her head and giggles a bit more and begins to drink her wine. The only response comes from the person beside me who is extremely caring.<\/p>\n

Something rises up within me. I may be a people pleaser and fixer at my core, but I am also a leader. I enjoy being liked. I do not need to be liked. If something is wrong it’s not in my nature to stay silent.<\/p>\n

“That is unkind,” I say.<\/p>\n

Nothing…<\/p>\n

The giggling and wine sipping ensues.<\/p>\n

The overly social, fun side of me used to believe that fun people equaled good people equaled confident people.<\/p>\n

The overly grown up side of me realizes that I would rather sit at a table of four, quiet, good and confident people who would never ever consider exclusion of another human being.<\/p>\n

I remember when my guys were little, my youngest came home and proudly held his first grade report card.<\/p>\n

“Mommy,” Danny says. “Look at my grades!”<\/p>\n

“Danny,” Billy (my middle son) says. “Don’t you know that mom doesn’t care about your grades. She cares about your behavior grades.”<\/p>\n

That was and is correct.<\/p>\n

I care about respect. I care about listening to another person’s truth even if it isn’t your own. <\/p>\n

I care about kindness. I care about feeling someone else’s pain and having the confidence to be kind.<\/p>\n

I am shamelessly, overly social; however, life has never been about who I should include in the party.<\/p>\n

It’s been about who could I have possibly forgotten to invite to the party?<\/p>\n

Kindness is a life purpose for me.<\/p>\n

Being a part of a group – not so much.
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We sit huddled together. The laughter spills from the table onto the patrons nearby. I am in the moment. I am not swept up by the commotion, but rather the joy in a group of women sharing life. I have never been a big observer of actions in those that I love. 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