{"id":149,"date":"2014-10-10T16:08:20","date_gmt":"2014-10-10T16:08:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=149"},"modified":"2014-10-10T16:08:20","modified_gmt":"2014-10-10T16:08:20","slug":"how-divorce-effects-friendships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2014\/10\/how-divorce-effects-friendships.html","title":{"rendered":"How Divorce Effects Friendships"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/em><\/p>\n

I enter my home, sink into my chaise lounge and weep. The tears that find their way out are not slow and graceful, but violent and thunderous. I try to muffle them, but they show no signs of being quieted. I pick up the phone, dial my friend, \u201cCharo,\u201d and while I try to speak, my tears muffle my words.<\/p>\n

Charo waits patiently for me to calm down. She recognizes the pain even though she is left to interpret the sign language of distress.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho hurt you?\u201d She asks. \u201cI will………..\u201d<\/p>\n

You can fill in the blanks. Charo is instinctively loyal.<\/p>\n

Charo and I process pain differently. She is not likely to spend time at home crying. She is more likely to honestly, not give a …….!<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t matter that we greet pain differently. She allows me my own interpretation. I am a worrier that cares. She is caring and doesn\u2019t worry.<\/p>\n

I use caution and say, \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s a good idea Charo.\u201d She throws caution to the wind and says, \u201cI think it\u2019s a great idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was raised with unfaltering love and that would be our common denominator. It is hard for us both to leave any love, any friendship behind.<\/p>\n

I spit out my story while turning into a bigger, salt covered, hot mess.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always said that I hope I am not judged by a few days in my life, but on how I lived my life overall. It is a mantra for me because I believe that we should be judged on our overall reputation and not our less than favorable moments in life.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, I chose to stay in a bad situation too long.<\/p>\n

The time I spent struggling and trying to save my marriage, momentarily changed me from who I had always been to what I would label a, \u201cstranger,\u201d even to me. When people love you, it\u2019s hard for them to witness your, \u2018disappearing act.\u2019<\/p>\n

I am still friends with my best friend from grade school, best friends from high school, college, my first job, my friends in Baltimore during my years as a young mother. I do not let go of people easily.<\/p>\n

My divorce has brought about many new beginnings and endings. It has forced me to relinquish some ties which is anything, but natural to me.<\/p>\n

There is an irony that I loved so much that I wouldn\u2019t walk away from that love, only to lose so much of myself that a few people would end up walking away from me.<\/p>\n

The tears Charo absorb are for the ones I know now see me differently. It is humbling and difficult to bear even though Charo reminds me there are still many that still see me for who I have always been.<\/p>\n

I take a cue from my friend, Charo.<\/p>\n

I stop crying. I am still me down deep. The pain just temporarily covered me up.<\/p>\n

The ones with our common denominator of unfaltering love will stay with my heart as it moves forward.<\/p>\n

If not, then for the first time in my life, I am leaving some love behind.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I enter my home, sink into my chaise lounge and weep. The tears that find their way out are not slow and graceful, but violent and thunderous. I try to muffle them, but they show no signs of being quieted. 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