{"id":1082,"date":"2016-01-11T09:38:42","date_gmt":"2016-01-11T09:38:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/?p=1082"},"modified":"2016-01-11T09:46:28","modified_gmt":"2016-01-11T09:46:28","slug":"the-day-i-failed-at-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/howgreatthoupart\/2016\/01\/the-day-i-failed-at-marriage.html","title":{"rendered":"The Day I Failed at Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"

I am a bit nervous this morning. I am on the way to meet a friend. We have a few too many, obvious parallels and instead of feeling this is helpful, it makes me sad. I never, ever, want to see a heart hurt again. Let alone one that would never have the ability to see another heart suffer in the first place.<\/p>\n

I will call her “Bambi.”<\/p>\n

There is nothing, but gentle goodness within her. In truth, there is just an honesty about her – an unbridled love.<\/p>\n

There was a day, that there might have been some that know me that might have called me as good. In the days before I stayed so long that even a few who loved me failed to recognize me.<\/p>\n

I listen to her stories only I know her stories. They are mine with a slightly different setting. I try and restrain myself. I watch her fight the tears and I silently get angry.<\/p>\n

To witness water escaping the eyes of a gentle soul, a people pleaser, a fixer, a person who retrieves her happiness from others happiness makes me furious. <\/p>\n

It is her new beginning. The dawn of her divorce. <\/p>\n

The moment where some will never lose sight of her and others will walk away from her. The beginning of a loneliness that a heart that worries about so many others should never experience. It will lead her to a point where she begins to question if she ever had a light within her at all.<\/p>\n

We chat a bit more in between sips of water and coffee. I am passionate. I tell stories. I tell her what she is up against.<\/p>\n

And then I tell her of the beginning of my new beginning. Of the dawn of my divorce.<\/p>\n

I tell her while experiencing what felt like the biggest of failure of my life, I felt alone – Like this one quintessential thing would make or break me. <\/p>\n

I tell her of how my continual heartache made me want to exercise it verbally. <\/p>\n

I tell her to self-protect. To have more boundaries in her life. To essentially shut out the outside world because it will become loud and crowded with many opinions. And when you are in this much pain overexposure just complicates it.<\/p>\n

I tell her there will come a day when it is no longer the day she failed at marriage. <\/p>\n

It is the dawn of her divorce. It is her new beginning.
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I am a bit nervous this morning. I am on the way to meet a friend. We have a few too many, obvious parallels and instead of feeling this is helpful, it makes me sad. I never, ever, want to see a heart hurt again. 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