{"id":203,"date":"2010-06-13T07:21:20","date_gmt":"2010-06-13T07:21:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/homeshuling\/2010\/06\/keeping-children-away-from-bad-influences-in-synagogue.html"},"modified":"2010-06-13T07:21:20","modified_gmt":"2010-06-13T07:21:20","slug":"keeping-children-away-from-bad-influences-in-synagogue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/homeshuling\/2010\/06\/keeping-children-away-from-bad-influences-in-synagogue.html","title":{"rendered":"Keeping children away from bad influences. In synagogue."},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday, my daughter Ella went to shul with me to attend a bat-mitzvah. (My younger daughter, Zoe, was home with 102\u00b0 <\/span>fever.) I wanted to see the bat-mitzvah girl read from the Torah, so we arrived significantly earlier than usual. By the end of the Torah service we both needed to take a break from the sanctuary, and since it was raining, we went for a walk in the halls instead.<\/p>\n

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There were a lot of kids in shul, which is inarguably a wonderful thing. And it was obvious that they feel very comfortable in the building. Also a wonderful thing. In concept, at least. But I was actually horrified (and I’m not easily horrified) by the behavior I saw in the hallways. The kids were running, and I do mean running, through the halls of our small shul. Also shouting. And chasing, with some occasional crashing thrown in for good measure. Which invariably led to a little more shouting.<\/div>\n
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Ella found a group of her friends from school huddled in the coat room. She asked if she could join them if she promised not to run around. I was torn. I want her to enjoy her time at shul, and to see it as a place of community for her, and not just for me. So, I said yes. But when I came back out a few minutes later and saw a handful of kids pushing a few other children out the coat room door (“First graders only!” they hollered) I reneged. I told her that I didn’t want her out of my sight, because even thought she wasn’t doing anything wrong, I wasn’t ok with the way the other children were behaving. We ended up sitting on the stage in the social hall, reading books, and waiting for kiddush<\/a>.<\/div>\n
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Last night at the Bar- Mitzvah party I complained to another parent about what I saw. “Really?” she asked. “I like<\/i> seeing the kids have fun in the building.” I understood her point. We both had grown up belonging to, or visiting, large suburban synagogues where children needed to sit quietly in stiff, fancy clothes. We both sought out a small, progressive community like ours to escape many of those expectations. But still.<\/div>\n
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I understand that every parent has his\/her own behavior expectations, and other people, especially those without children, are likely to raise an eyebrow or shoot a look when children, well, act like children. I have been the object of many a stare in the main sanctuary when my daughters whispered, or rustled paper dolls, or ate the many snacks I brought to keep them quiet, back in the days when I still tried to go to services.<\/div>\n
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My questions is, can a community develop a shared expectation for behavior and still be welcoming to families? And if so, how do we actually uphold (I wanted to say enforce, but I think I’m sounding enough like Nurse Ratched<\/a> for one post) these expectations?<\/div>\n
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Yesterday was one of the first times I actually considered giving up our membership. I can handle shul being a little boring, or vaguely dissatisfying. But I’m not ok with it being a bad influence. So please, share your comments and suggestions. I’d love to hear how you, or your synagogue, or church, has navigated this tricky balance. <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday, my daughter Ella went to shul with me to attend a bat-mitzvah. (My younger daughter, Zoe, was home with 102\u00b0 fever.) I wanted to see the bat-mitzvah girl read from the Torah, so we arrived significantly earlier than usual. By the end of the Torah service we both needed to take a break from…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":86,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-judaism","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nKeeping children away from bad influences. 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