{"id":54,"date":"2014-05-18T06:42:02","date_gmt":"2014-05-18T06:42:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/healingandtransformation\/?p=54"},"modified":"2014-05-18T06:42:02","modified_gmt":"2014-05-18T06:42:02","slug":"allowing-others-to-hurt-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/healingandtransformation\/2014\/05\/allowing-others-to-hurt-us.html","title":{"rendered":"Allowing Others to Hurt us"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"Firedance<\/a>
Firedance Julia Gray<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Cruelty;
\nBetrayal;
\nHurt;
\nSadness;
\nGuilt…<\/p>\n

the list of difficult emotions goes on…<\/p>\n

So long as we allow it to!<\/p>\n

All these emotions are \u201csuffering\u201d (mostly) at the hands of another person or people.<\/p>\n

Every person on this planet has felt hurt justifiably or unjustifiably\u2014it\u2019s the human condition. Can one escape it? Hardly. To be human, is to suffer the same fate.<\/p>\n

How do others hurt us?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s impossible to escape feeling hurt unless you reach a state of \u201cenlightenment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read the following idea, re-read it, allow it to percolate, imbue it with your awareness, and see how you feel with it:
\nRegarding feeling hurt at the hands of other people, on a fundamental level, they can only do this if we let them.
\nI\u2019m really curious how you reacted to this as a reader. Feel free to come back to that idea of choice and responsibility for our every feeling and thought.<\/p>\n

We are responsible for what we feel. It doesn\u2019t justify the actions. I still feel some rancour when I think about how some people have behaved towards myself and others.<\/p>\n

I felt that their cruelty was being rewarded, that I was somehow \u201cright\u201d to feel the way I did at the hands of those who \u201cwronged\u201d me. I felt that how they treated me was unforgivable.<\/p>\n

Can another person truly\u00a0hurt you? Does anybody have that right?<\/p>\n

Yes. If we give it to them.<\/p>\n

On a practical level, aren\u2019t those who inflict suffering on others the very people who need our help and compassion?
\nIn our hearts, how can we feel this level of saint-like unconditional love? Is that even possible?<\/p>\n

How do we heal from cruelty, suffering and despair?<\/p>\n

More sensitive people (like me) are more easily hurt, and it\u2019s not really just a question of allowing. I think it\u2019s a path and journey of maturation. We are always developing as human beings. We never stop learning and\u00a0evolving.
\nThe more experience gained from suffering, the more wisdom, empowerment and\u00a0understanding.<\/p>\n

On a mystical level, all is chosen, so all is responsibility.\u00a0So from\u00a0a spiritual level, there really are no\u00a0victims!<\/p>\n

I have felt the pain of being a victim, yet I am aware that\u00a0is an illusion, and perhaps what we call ego. I still feel that suffering however.<\/p>\n

I have feelings, emotions, I am a human being after all, not a statue!<\/p>\n

I have worked through it, yet I am not immune from feeling again the feelings.<\/p>\n

If people have power over another\u00a0and they abuse it, then it can affect a person\u2019s\u00a0life. Certainly in my case,\u00a0I\u2019ve even had a job situation that had great ramifications that I still feel today in terms of opportunities not coming my way. Could it be as easy as just walking away? Is that even realistic?<\/p>\n

There is always a spiritual reflection for that which we experience in a physical sense. Nothing happens by accident without its lessons. It doesn\u2019t mean we need obsess over every detail.<\/p>\n

Patterns present themselves for a purpose, and there is always an underlying lesson.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That\u2019s the message he is sending.\u201d\u00a0~\u00a0Thich Nhat Hanh<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Aside from engendering compassion for others (by keeping them in our prayers, for example), I will end with some key advice for dealing with people (You know which people I am referring to!):
\nIt\u2019s important to protect ourselves\u00a0from people who unwittingly drain us or make us feel bad within our private and professional lives. This requires conscious boundary-setting and awareness of self-responsibility.
\nGodspeed…<\/p>\n

May you find the healing, self-responsibility and empowerment that you yearn for. It’s there for you…<\/p>\n

Waiting for you to CLAIM it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  Cruelty; Betrayal; Hurt; Sadness; Guilt… the list of difficult emotions goes on… So long as we allow it to! All these emotions are \u201csuffering\u201d (mostly) at the hands of another person or people. Every person on this planet has felt hurt justifiably or unjustifiably\u2014it\u2019s the human condition. Can one escape it? Hardly. To be…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":570,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,52,51,49,13,17,12],"tags":[3,66,65,64,55,25,48],"class_list":["post-54","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-healing","category-responsibility","category-self-development","category-shadow","category-soul","category-suffering","category-transformation","tag-david-g-arenson","tag-empowerment","tag-firedance","tag-julia-gray","tag-self-empowerment","tag-self-love","tag-thich-nhat-hanh"],"yoast_head":"\nAllowing Others to Hurt us - Healing and Transformation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Allowing Others to Hurt us - Healing and Transformation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"  Cruelty; Betrayal; Hurt; Sadness; Guilt… the list of difficult emotions goes on… So long as we allow it to! All these emotions are \u201csuffering\u201d (mostly) at the hands of another person or people. Every person on this planet has felt hurt justifiably or unjustifiably\u2014it\u2019s the human condition. Can one escape it? Hardly. 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